Shopping is dangerous because it makes people selfish and careless with money. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Change is a necessity in lifethe necessity of life. Every individual, be it young or old, likes to change his lifestyle either by changing his attire or by having a makeovereither by changing his attire or having a makeover done. In this modern era, shopping has become an integral part of one’s lifestyle. I disagree with the provided argument and my reasoning is twofold.
Firstly, it is fallacious to say that people only shop for themselves and which makes them selfish. People shop for their loved ones too and, as a result, spreadtoo and as a result spread happiness among those around themwithin their surroundings. For example, a new dress as a birthday gift for a childon the birthday eve for a child is very preciouslike a gold dust to him. It is this gift in the form of a dress that makesdress, which makes his special day even more memorableadorable and makes him feel on top of the worldon the top of the world. Hence, shopping creates happiness and spreads love amongst people and should not be treated as dangerous.
Secondly, it is important for a personincumbent on the person to look at the funds available to themavailable monetary funds with him or her whenduring shopping. There is an adage that a prudent person never spreads his leg beyond the bed sheet he has. Similarly, a responsible individual should manage his funds shrewdly while carrying out shopping. Shopping not only teaches an individual howindividual, how to manage his funds but also teaches him self-restraintself- control/restraint. Therefore, it’s acceptable to say that shopping develops many valuable traits in peopleenriches many vital traits among human beings and hence should not be termedshould be refrained from being termed as dangerous.
To conclude, I would recommend that people continue shoppingrecommend people to continue shopping as it spreads happiness and love amongst people. While shopping, peopleDuring shopping people learn traits such as self-control andor money management, which play an essential role in their future endeavors.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s clearest strength is its consistent disagreement, organised around the two accusations in the prompt and supported with accessible examples. The main limitation is that the money-management argument relies on what responsible shoppers should do rather than proving that shopping does not encourage carelessness, and several ambitious expressions are unnatural. The priority is to develop a more convincing causal rebuttal using precise, idiomatic language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a clear position and addresses both selfishness and financial carelessness, but the second rebuttal is partly asserted rather than demonstrated.
Support the money-management point with a concrete explanation or example showing how shopping can foster budgeting in practice.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and sequencing are clear, though linking is sometimes formulaic and key ideas are repeated in the conclusion.
Use transitions that express the logical relationship between claims and evidence, then synthesize rather than repeat the body points.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of less common vocabulary, but several word choices and collocations are strained or inaccurate.
Prefer natural expressions for giving gifts, budgeting, and developing personal qualities, and check idioms for exact usage.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, while errors in clause construction, articles, punctuation, and verb patterns recur without obscuring the message.
Revise faulty relative clauses and parallel structures, especially constructions using both not only and but also.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Shopping is dangerous because it makes people selfish and careless with money. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.