Some people think it is better for children to have many short holidays during the year. Others believe it would be beneficial to have fewer, longer vacations. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
It is irrefutable that, due to the modern lifestyle, holidays have become part and parcel of daily life. Children need to have a holiday to relax and restore their mental abilities. Some people believe school children should be given multiple short vacations. However, there is a counterargument that holidays should have for a long time. Both the argument needs proper scrutiny before forming an opinion.
Going with the first school of thought, multiple holidays helps to overcome the mental stress among children. According to them, some school gives multiple short vacations, which brings numerous benefits for students and their families. Even with multiple short rests, children are able to develop crucial potential and easily get familiar with the outer world. For instance, all teenagers need family attention, those who study far away from home, and that time to interact with their near ones after a specific time period. As a result, they feel overwhelmed and easily remember moral values, thus leading to always staying on the right track instead of the wrong society. To add it, when schools give appropriate small trips to children, they easily engage with study and perform well in academic seasons.
The opposite school of thought, however, deems that schools and individuals will not serve any purpose because long holidays also have ample advantages in learner life. After a hectic day of work and pressure of study, no one likes small holidays. Therefore, they expect some long days off, which they can easily restore their memories and gain interest in real life. For example, some families often organise productive trips for several days in which children easily interact and acquire some crucial information from their surroundings and also take a life experience which contemplates as long-lasting for them, whereas spending time in outer destination without reviewing their lesson in class. Moreover, a long break makes children idle and tired and also forget their daily routine, which causes health issues and makes them less efficient in studies.
In the end, after analysing both sides of the argument, I believe that a short vacation must be favourable in the children’s life without taking a break from studies and make their lifestyle punctual. Therefore, long holidays are useful for students studying outside of the country and require a time at least several weeks with their families when they get a sort of break.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix plural agreement Original: Both the argument needs Suggested revision: Both arguments need Why it matters: “Both” requires a plural noun and plural verb.
- 2. Fix subject agreement Original: helps Suggested revision: help Why it matters: The plural subject “holidays” requires “help.”
- 3. Natural collocation Original: overcome the mental stress among children Suggested revision: reduce mental stress among children Why it matters: “Reduce stress” is the natural collocation for lowering its intensity.
- 4. Fix plural agreement Original: some school gives Suggested revision: some schools give Why it matters: A general reference after “some” requires a plural noun and verb.
- 5. Match plural antecedent Original: brings Suggested revision: bring Why it matters: The relative clause refers to plural vacations, so its verb must be plural.
- 6. Clarify development Original: develop crucial potential Suggested revision: develop important skills Why it matters: People develop skills, while “develop potential” is unclear in this context.
- 7. Use natural phrase Original: outer Suggested revision: wider Why it matters: “The wider world” is the natural expression for life beyond a familiar setting.
- 8. Match intended effect Original: overwhelmed Suggested revision: supported Why it matters: “Overwhelmed” contradicts the stated positive effect of receiving family attention.
- 9. Clarify social risk Original: the wrong society Suggested revision: negative influences Why it matters: “Negative influences” conveys the intended risk more precisely.
- 10. Fix linker Original: To add it Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: “In addition” is the correct additive linking phrase.
- 11. Use consistent term Original: appropriate small trips Suggested revision: appropriate short breaks Why it matters: The argument concerns school breaks rather than organised trips.
- 12. Improve collocation Original: engage with study Suggested revision: engage with their studies Why it matters: “Engage with their studies” is the natural expression for academic involvement.
Suggested Rewrites
- Both the argument needs Both arguments need
- helps help
- overcome the mental stress among children reduce mental stress among children
- some school gives some schools give
- brings bring
- develop crucial potential develop important skills
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response covers both holiday patterns and gives a preference, while its four-paragraph structure provides a visible route through the discussion. The main limitation is that several ideas are confusing, contradictory, or weakly connected to the view being discussed, and frequent language errors strain clarity. The highest priority is to assign one clear argument to each side, explain it logically, and use simpler, accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and an opinion are present, but development is uneven and the discussion of longer holidays includes contradictory or unclear reasoning.
Give each view one distinct, relevant benefit, develop it with a clear example, and state an unambiguous final preference.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and broad sequencing are apparent, but unclear referencing, faulty connectors, and internally inconsistent points disrupt progression.
Organise each body paragraph around one controlling idea and check that every supporting sentence advances that idea.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a fair range of vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices sometimes obscure the intended meaning.
Prefer familiar, precise expressions and revise unnatural phrases such as “academic seasons,” “wrong society,” and “outer destination.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, clause structure, and sentence construction reduce clarity.
Use shorter sentence patterns accurately first, then combine clauses only when subjects, verbs, and logical relationships are clear.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think it is better for children to have many short holidays during the year. Others believe it would be beneficial to have fewer, longer vacations. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.