In some countries, small town center shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of-town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages?
Sample Response
The trend that people drive to large shopping malls located away from the central city threatens many small shops in central cities with going bankrupt, which also leads to great inconvenience to people without cars and a potential rise in car usage. Despite the downsides of these all-in-one locations, some positive aspects should be notably considered.
On the one hand, the popularity of large out-of-town malls will reduce the number of small shops clustered in urban centres. For example, small shops provide fresh vegetables and fruits for nearby residents as travelling to the outskirts cannot be an everyday affair, especially for the elderly and the disabled. Therefore, this change brings much inconvenience to daily shopping practices. In addition, the rise in car usage and the demand for long distances exacerbates environmental pollution. Frequent car travels contribute to a substantial increment in traffic exhaust which worsens pollution levels and jeopardizes human health in those places.
However, there are many benefits of having mega-stores in out-of-town sites. The main one is that consumers have more choices as various branded products can be displayed. People are able to purchase what they need at one time instead of hunting for different small stores, which greatly improves their shopping efficiency. Another advantage is that more city dwellers would choose to reside in suburban zones due to the change in their shopping preferences. Given the fact that modern cities are faced with overpopulation and consequently ever-growing pressure on housing supply systems, this could be considered a start of relieving such pressure.
In conclusion, the trend towards establishing supermarkets in outlying areas of urban locations has far more positives. These stores not only allow customers to have many products available for purchase in one location, but also help to tackle the population problems in modern cities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use gerund structure Original: The trend that people drive Suggested revision: The trend of people driving Why it matters: Use an of-phrase with a gerund to name this behavioural trend naturally.
- 2. Use precise location Original: the central city Suggested revision: the city centre Why it matters: City centre is the natural term for the commercial area being contrasted with out-of-town stores.
- 3. Fix complement form Original: with going bankrupt Suggested revision: with bankruptcy Why it matters: The verb threaten takes a noun phrase after with in this construction.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: notably Suggested revision: carefully Why it matters: Notably does not collocate naturally with considered in this meaning.
- 5. Clarify causal link Original: as Suggested revision: because Why it matters: Because clearly marks the reason local shops remain important to nearby residents.
- 6. Improve expression Original: brings much inconvenience to daily shopping practices Suggested revision: makes daily shopping considerably less convenient Why it matters: This revision expresses the effect in a natural and precise way.
- 7. Clarify travel demand Original: the demand for long distances Suggested revision: the need to travel long distances Why it matters: People need to travel long distances; they do not demand the distances themselves.
- 8. Use countable noun Original: travels Suggested revision: journeys Why it matters: Journey is the natural countable noun for repeated trips by car.
- 9. Use precise emissions term Original: a substantial increment in traffic exhaust Suggested revision: a substantial increase in vehicle emissions Why it matters: Vehicle emissions is the standard term for pollution produced by traffic.
- 10. Fix collocation Original: a start of relieving Suggested revision: a first step towards relieving Why it matters: A first step towards relieving is the natural expression for an initial contribution.
- 11. Use precise location Original: central cities Suggested revision: city centres Why it matters: City centres accurately names the commercial areas where the small shops are located.
- 12. Use natural ordering Original: fresh vegetables and fruits Suggested revision: fresh fruit and vegetables Why it matters: Fruit and vegetables is the conventional phrase in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- The trend that people drive The trend of people driving
- the central city the city centre
- with going bankrupt with bankruptcy
- notably carefully
- as because
- brings much inconvenience to daily shopping practices makes daily shopping considerably less convenient
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its clear comparative position and logically organised discussion of several relevant benefits and drawbacks. Its main limitation is that some support, particularly the claim that out-of-town stores will relieve urban housing pressure, remains speculative, while several awkward collocations reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each argument through a more convincing causal explanation and express it with more natural word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both sides, maintains a clear position, and develops several relevant arguments, though one claimed benefit is somewhat speculative.
Strengthen the case that advantages outweigh disadvantages by explaining the suburban-housing link more convincingly or replacing it with a better-supported benefit.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear four-paragraph structure, with effective signposting and generally well-managed referencing.
Make the internal progression of each body paragraph tighter by linking every example directly back to the comparative judgement.
Lexical Resource
A broad vocabulary supports precise discussion, although awkward combinations such as 'car travels' and 'increment in traffic exhaust' occasionally weaken naturalness.
Prioritise accurate, idiomatic collocations, for example 'car journeys' and 'increase in vehicle emissions', over less natural formal phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with generally strong control, while a few agreement and phrasing problems occur without impeding meaning.
Proofread complex sentences for subject-verb agreement and streamline heavy noun phrases to improve grammatical control and readability.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, small town center shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of-town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.