Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?
Sample Response
People were always in search of happiness since ancient times and still many of us are trying to find it throughout the whole life. But happiness differs from person to person and it can’t be explained in one word. That’s why it is always difficult to determine its controversial and deep essence.
There are many reasons to think that full happiness is impossible to achieve and moreover it is non-existent in reality. But it is not true and I strongly believe that people underestimate the value of everyday happiness they have living their lives. Standards of being happy in many cultures and countries are quite diverse. For instance, in Asian cultures, the main factors which influence the felicity of its peoples are a big family, care and respect for elders, following the traditions of their ancestors, religion and harmony with nature and others, material things are less important.
As for western civilisation, the situation is quite different and essential factors in happiness attainment are rather material than spiritual. According to many investigations in this sphere, Europeans are very concerned about money, high social status in society, good job and education. They spend all their lives in pursuit of financial success and material boons are very significant for them. The majorities start their families and have children in their early thirties after having done some progress in the career field. As it can be seen the criteria of happiness are rather wide and varied for millions of people, but nevertheless many things are very similar. All of us would like to be happy in many ways in this life: to be healthy and wealthy, have a family and children, be successful in career, have good friends and live a long and interesting life. It seems to me that main factors in gaining happiness are support from your family and friends, harmony with yourself and surrounding world, good health and so on.
To conclude I would like to say that we are happy only by one great reason, that is our birth into this beautiful and wonderful world, full of many opportunities and chances to believe in happiness.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Tense Original: were always in search Suggested revision: have always searched Why it matters: The search continues to now.
- 2. Natural phrase Original: throughout the whole life Suggested revision: throughout their lives Why it matters: This is idiomatic.
- 3. Imprecise phrase Original: controversial and deep essence Suggested revision: complex and subjective nature Why it matters: These qualities explain difficulty.
- 4. Unclear reference Original: But it is not true Suggested revision: However, complete happiness need not be impossible Why it matters: Name the disputed claim.
- 5. Awkward diction Original: felicity of its peoples Suggested revision: well-being of people Why it matters: This is natural and neutral.
- 6. Run-on Original: nature and others, material things Suggested revision: nature, whereas material things Why it matters: A clear contrastive clause is needed.
- 7. Research noun Original: many investigations Suggested revision: much research Why it matters: Research is uncountable here.
- 8. Natural term Original: material boons Suggested revision: material benefits Why it matters: This is standard academic wording.
- 9. Noun form Original: The majorities start Suggested revision: The majority start Why it matters: Majority is singular as a proportion.
- 10. Collocation Original: progress in the career field Suggested revision: career progress Why it matters: This is concise and idiomatic.
- 11. Missing article Original: main factors Suggested revision: the main factors Why it matters: Specific factors need 'the'.
- 12. Article Original: surrounding world Suggested revision: the world around you Why it matters: The noun phrase needs a determiner.
Suggested Rewrites
- were always in search have always searched
- throughout the whole life throughout their lives
- controversial and deep essence complex and subjective nature
- But it is not true However, complete happiness need not be impossible
- felicity of its peoples well-being of people
- nature and others, material things nature, whereas material things
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay addresses both questions and offers a broad range of relevant factors, especially cultural variation, relationships, health, and material security. Its main weakness is focus: cultural generalisations occupy substantial space, the reasons definition is difficult are only partly analysed, and the conclusion becomes sentimental rather than synthesising the answer. Prioritise precise explanations of subjectivity and changing priorities, supported by cautious examples and more natural academic phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both parts are answered, but the definition question is underdeveloped and some cultural claims are broad.
Explain that happiness is subjective, multidimensional, and changes across life stages.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear, though the discussion drifts and the conclusion does not summarise the main factors.
Give each paragraph one function and conclude with the two direct answers.
Lexical Resource
There is range, but ambitious word choices and collocations are often unnatural.
Prefer well-being, research, material benefits, career progress, and inner harmony.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is clear, but tense, articles, agreement, punctuation, and parallelism are inconsistent.
Check present perfect for continuing time and parallel forms in lists.