Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree that this is the right course of action?
Sample Response
Smoking has been prohibited inside some companies whereas in few countries it has been totally banned in all the public places. It is agreed that this is an appropriate action because serious consequences of smoking in working areas and in public may lead to fire accidents and heath hazards to self and society.
A strong argument could be put forth that smoking should not be allowed in certain work environments. For instance, if there is a lapse of security in an oil and natural gas company like Indian Oil Corporation, then it has to face the ramifications since the probability for fire accidents becomes higher. So the ban imposed is considered to be a right method not only to thwart the resources from being depleted but also to save the lives of the workers from such disaster.
Moreover, if smoking is banned in all public places of the country then obviously the overall health of the masses would be improved. Since it becomes a legal issue, if they disobey the rules, people might gradually become de-addicted. For illustration, my uncle decided not to smoke in public amenities like bus stops and railway stations instead of paying a huge amount of fine. Naturally, life-threatening diseases like lung cancer and asthma could reduce and the number of passive smokers might also decline. Eventually, the future citizens of the country are made healthier which would be reflected as their efficiency, productivity and enthusiasm thereby paving way for the country's development.
In conclusion, banning smoking either in business sectors or all public places, both are undeniably a wise remedial act because the job environment is made safer and the people are encouraged to lead a healthy lifestyle which in turn contributes to the overall growth of the country. Though smokeless future seems to be skeptical but it could be made possible with joint efforts of all the individuals.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use workplace term Original: inside some companies Suggested revision: in some workplaces Why it matters: The ban applies to workplace premises rather than literally inside companies as organisations.
- 2. Add quantity article Original: whereas in few countries Suggested revision: whereas in a few countries Why it matters: The countable plural phrase requires “a few”.
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: all the public places Suggested revision: all public places Why it matters: The general plural noun does not require “the” after “all”.
- 4. Use direct argument verb Original: could be put forth Suggested revision: can be made Why it matters: An argument is conventionally “made”, which is more concise than “put forth” here.
- 5. Use safety collocation Original: a lapse of security Suggested revision: a lapse in safety Why it matters: The context concerns unsafe smoking rather than a breach of security.
- 6. Use fire-risk phrase Original: probability for fire accidents Suggested revision: risk of fires Why it matters: “Risk of fires” is the natural and concise expression.
- 7. Use formal result linker Original: So the ban imposed Suggested revision: Therefore, the ban imposed Why it matters: The formal sentence-opening linker needs a following comma.
- 8. Use policy measure term Original: a right method Suggested revision: an appropriate measure Why it matters: A ban is a policy measure, and “appropriate” is more natural than “right” here.
- 9. Clarify resource protection Original: thwart the resources from being depleted Suggested revision: prevent resources from being destroyed Why it matters: “Thwart” does not take this object pattern, and fire destroys rather than depletes workplace resources.
- 10. Use concise possessive Original: the lives of the workers Suggested revision: workers' lives Why it matters: The possessive form expresses the relationship more concisely.
- 11. Add indefinite article Original: from such disaster Suggested revision: from such a disaster Why it matters: The singular count noun “disaster” requires an article after “such”.
- 12. Fix location preposition Original: all public places of the country Suggested revision: all public places in the country Why it matters: Places are located “in” a country, not “of” it.
Suggested Rewrites
- inside some companies in some workplaces
- whereas in few countries whereas in a few countries
- all the public places all public places
- could be put forth can be made
- a lapse of security a lapse in safety
- probability for fire accidents risk of fires
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear agreement and develops two relevant lines of support: preventing workplace fires and improving public health, both illustrated with concrete examples. Its main limitation is that some causal claims are overstated or imprecise, especially the suggestion that public-place bans directly eliminate addiction or quickly reduce disease. Prioritise a more accurate explanation of how restrictions reduce second-hand smoke exposure and discourage consumption over time.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A consistent position is supported by relevant workplace-safety and public-health arguments, though a few consequences are asserted too strongly.
Explain the mechanisms of reduced exposure and deterrence accurately, and acknowledge that bans complement rather than replace addiction treatment.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is clearly paragraphed and progresses logically from workplace safety to public health and conclusion, with generally effective linking.
Tighten the final paragraph so it synthesises the two arguments without adding a loosely connected claim about national development.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of vocabulary for safety, health, regulation, and economic development, but several collocations and word choices are unnatural or inaccurate.
Use natural terms such as fire risk, protect resources, quit smoking, public spaces, second-hand smoke, and health outcomes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures convey the argument effectively, but article, agreement, clause-linking, and modifier errors recur without usually obstructing meaning.
Review paired structures and dependent clauses, especially constructions using not only, since, though, and which.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree that this is the right course of action?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.