Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Social media has become an integral part of modern life, with billions of people around the world using such platforms to stay connected with others and updated on current events. While social media undoubtedly offers numerous advantages in terms of connectivity and information dissemination, this essay argues that the risks it carries are more significant.
On the positive side, social media has revolutionized how we communicate and connect with others. Services such as Facebook and WhatsApp allow us to easily keep in touch with friends and family, regardless of geographic distance. These applications have also facilitated the formation of online communities, enabling people with shared interests or experiences to connect and support one another in a more convenient manner than in the past. Regarding news updates, social media has become a powerful tool for sharing information in real-time, unlike traditional news sources like newspapers or television. By way of illustration, X, formerly called Twitter, has a section displaying trending topics, allowing people to stay informed and engaged with current affairs as they unfold.
Nonetheless, these advantages are minor compared to the concerning drawbacks of social media. One major threat is the potential for social media usage to negatively impact mental health, particularly among younger users. Communication on social channels often involves being exposed to curated representations of others' lives, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and mental health issues like depression or anxiety. Another issue to consider is that social media has been implicated in the spread of misinformation, online harassment, cyberbullying, and privacy concerns, posing risks to individuals' well-being, safety, and trust in credible information sources. This is exemplified by the numerous news stories about people engaging in antisocial behaviors after being influenced by fake news on social networks.
In conclusion, while social media offers advantages in socializing and receiving news, its disadvantages, including negative impacts on mental health, the spread of misinformation, online harassment, and privacy concerns, are substantial. Given these concerns, I believe that the disadvantages of social media usage ultimately overshadow its advantages.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Restore parallel verbs Original: using such platforms to stay connected with others and updated on current events Suggested revision: using such platforms to stay connected with others and stay updated on current events Why it matters: Repeating 'stay' makes the two coordinated complements grammatically parallel.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: carries Suggested revision: poses Why it matters: English more naturally describes a platform as posing risks.
- 3. Make phrasing concise Original: in a more convenient manner than in the past Suggested revision: more conveniently than in the past Why it matters: The adverb expresses the same comparison more directly.
- 4. Remove unnecessary hyphen Original: in real-time Suggested revision: in real time Why it matters: 'Real time' is unhyphenated when it functions as a noun after a preposition.
- 5. Clarify the comparison Original: unlike traditional news sources like newspapers or television Suggested revision: more rapidly than traditional news sources such as newspapers or television Why it matters: The revision makes the intended contrast in speed explicit and avoids the repeated comparison markers.
- 6. Use stronger collocation Original: concerning Suggested revision: serious Why it matters: 'Serious drawbacks' is a more natural and precise collocation.
- 7. Use concise wording Original: social media usage to negatively impact Suggested revision: social media use to negatively affect Why it matters: 'Use' and 'affect' are more concise and natural in this construction.
- 8. Use precise example marker Original: mental health issues like depression or anxiety Suggested revision: mental health conditions such as depression or anxiety Why it matters: 'Conditions such as' is more precise in formal writing when naming examples.
- 9. Clarify vague reference Original: This is exemplified by the numerous news stories Suggested revision: The influence of misinformation is illustrated by numerous news stories Why it matters: The explicit subject shows exactly which preceding drawback the example supports.
- 10. Use formal noun phrases Original: advantages in socializing and receiving news Suggested revision: advantages for social interaction and access to news Why it matters: The revised noun phrases are more precise and formal.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Communication on social channels often involves being exposed to curated representations of others' lives, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and mental health issues like depression or anxiety. Suggested revision: Using social media often exposes people to curated representations of others' lives, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, depression, or anxiety. Why it matters: The rewrite gives 'exposes' a clear human object and removes the awkward 'communication involves being exposed' construction.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Another issue to consider is that social media has been implicated in the spread of misinformation, online harassment, cyberbullying, and privacy concerns, posing risks to individuals' well-being, safety, and trust in credible information sources. Suggested revision: Another concern is that social media can spread misinformation and undermine trust in credible sources; it can also facilitate online harassment and cyberbullying and create privacy risks that threaten users' safety and well-being. Why it matters: Splitting the relationships with a semicolon makes it clear which risks follow from each drawback.
Suggested Rewrites
- using such platforms to stay connected with others and updated on current events using such platforms to stay connected with others and stay updated on current events
- carries poses
- in a more convenient manner than in the past more conveniently than in the past
- in real-time in real time
- unlike traditional news sources like newspapers or television more rapidly than traditional news sources such as newspapers or television
- concerning serious
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a direct comparative judgement and develops both the communicative benefits and the more serious social risks with relevant explanations and examples. Its main limitation is that the final disadvantages paragraph gathers several secondary harms into a list without exploring them individually. To improve further, prioritise one or two drawbacks and explain their mechanisms and consequences as fully as the mental-health point.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both sides are addressed directly, the position remains clear throughout, and the principal ideas are relevant and well developed.
Replace the late list of additional risks with deeper analysis of the strongest one or two drawbacks to make the comparison even more incisive.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is skilfully organised, with clear paragraph purposes, controlled progression, and cohesive devices that rarely attract attention.
Strengthen the link between the misinformation example and the broader comparison so the final body paragraph culminates more decisively.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and naturally formal, with effective topic-specific choices and only occasional slightly awkward phrasing.
Polish expressions such as updated on current events and concerning drawbacks to achieve consistently idiomatic precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex structures is handled accurately, with most sentences error-free and punctuation consistently supporting clarity.
Review dense sentences containing long lists to ensure every modifier and parallel element remains maximally clear.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.