With all the problems in the world today, spending money on space exploration is a complete waste. The money could be better spent on other causes. To what extent do you agree with this view?
Sample Response
Many developing and developed countries are spending huge amounts of money on space exploration. They are keenly interested in finding out the existence of life on galaxies and stars. This is a lengthy process, which required huge funds and time. People argue that space exploration is a waste of time and money. This amount should be spent on other problems. I believe that helping and improving living standard of poor nations is the best way to use the money. Rich nations play a pivotal role in bringing change and prosperity for poor nations. Developing countries such as Africa, Syria etc. have serious problems in health, education and employment sectors. That could only be solved with the help of developed nations. Many countries are giving financial aids and others are investing directly in order to solve and mitigate the woes of peoples and received respect and gratitude in this regard. However, discovering unresolved mysteries is a real challenge for the scientist. Many countries are funding research centres to unfold hidden mysteries of the world. This is time consuming and lengthy work. Scientists are in search of natural resources that are less in quantity on earth. Their success could substantially change the world and will open a new horizon of success. To conclude, I believe that it is an ethical and moral responsibility of nations to eradicate problems in their neighbouring countries. Meanwhile, research on space exploration should be continued until we get desired results. It is a time-consuming process but it will leave undeniable benefits on people lives in case of success.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Improve the wording Original: existence of life on galaxies Suggested revision: existence of life in other galaxies Why it matters: Life would be located in galaxies rather than on them.
- 2. Improve the wording Original: required Suggested revision: requires Why it matters: The present-tense discussion requires requires.
- 3. Improve the wording Original: amount Suggested revision: money Why it matters: Money clearly refers back to the funds spent on exploration.
- 4. Improve the wording Original: living standard of poor nations Suggested revision: living standards in poorer nations Why it matters: Living standards is normally plural, and in identifies location.
- 5. Improve the wording Original: prosperity for poor nations Suggested revision: prosperity to poorer nations Why it matters: Bring takes the preposition to with its recipient.
- 6. Add a serial comma Original: health, education and employment sectors Suggested revision: health, education, and employment sectors Why it matters: A serial comma separates the final item in this complex list.
- 7. Improve the wording Original: That could only be solved Suggested revision: These problems could only be solved Why it matters: The plural noun phrase states clearly what could be solved.
- 8. Improve the wording Original: aids Suggested revision: aid Why it matters: Aid is uncountable when it means financial assistance.
- 9. Improve the wording Original: woes of peoples Suggested revision: people's hardships Why it matters: This uses a natural noun and the correct possessive form.
- 10. Improve the wording Original: received Suggested revision: receive Why it matters: The coordinated verb must match are giving and are investing.
- 11. Improve the wording Original: for the scientist Suggested revision: for scientists Why it matters: The general statement requires the plural noun.
- 12. Improve the wording Original: unfold Suggested revision: uncover Why it matters: Researchers uncover mysteries; unfold is not the natural collocation.
Suggested Rewrites
- existence of life on galaxies existence of life in other galaxies
- required requires
- amount money
- living standard of poor nations living standards in poorer nations
- prosperity for poor nations prosperity to poorer nations
- health, education and employment sectors health, education, and employment sectors
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a relevant, balanced position and offers plausible reasons both for redirecting funds and for continuing exploration. Its main weakness is that the degree of agreement shifts between the introduction and conclusion, while several ideas remain general and the single-paragraph presentation weakens organization. Prioritize a consistently qualified thesis, then develop each side in separate paragraphs with specific, logically connected support.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the issue and presents relevant arguments on social needs and potential benefits of space research, but its precise degree of agreement is not fully consistent.
State one qualified position at the outset and ensure every argument and the conclusion reinforce that same extent of agreement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a broadly understandable sequence and uses linking expressions, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph obscures the stages of the discussion.
Separate the introduction, each main argument, and the conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with clearer internal progression.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably varied vocabulary for development, aid, research, and discovery, though several word choices and collocations are inaccurate or unnatural.
Improve collocational precision in phrases about financial aid, living standards, scientific research, and benefits to people's lives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys the main meaning clearly, despite recurring errors in articles, agreement, tense, plurals, and possessives.
Proofread systematically for noun forms and agreement, especially articles, countability, verb tense, and possessive endings.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
With all the problems in the world today, spending money on space exploration is a complete waste. The money could be better spent on other causes. To what extent do you agree with this view?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.