Governments around the world are spending billions in support of space programs. This money would be better spent on research into improvements in human health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
There is an opinion that countries are spending a lot of their assets on space projects while they should have rather financed in the medical science sufficiently. Spaceships are flying all over the Universe at the time people are dying from AIDS or even flu. Is there any point of throwing money into the outer space? On the one hand, humans have not fought so many dangerous and highly contagious diseases so far though many dangerous diseases have wiped away the population of an entire city at a time. Moreover, industrialisation and economic progress have brought new diseases as a result of receiving more comfortable life. They are diabetes, cardiovascular problems, etc. In addition, launching just one space shuttle into the sky requires so many natural resources and brings so many pollutions that it negatively influences ecology a lot. That brings us new health issues, that need additional funding, which could be withdrawn from excessive payments for space research. On the other hand, scientists already have started raising funds from commercial pharmaceutical companies. A lot of diseases have been fought in just last 100 years according to many and there is an increase in mankind's life expectancy. Moreover, improved health and elongated life of population lead to a new problem – overpopulation. Space research can help to find a new home for the Earth's inhabitants. The last, but not the least, who knows, there is a chance we could found other planets where a panacea for all diseases is waiting for us or a more advanced civilisation is waiting for us with unimaginable knowledge. As for me, I am not a very healthy person and my parents either. However, if there is a one, very small chance, that something exciting will happen and astronauts will meet alien civilisation on other planets, I would not be happy that government is spending money for medicine only. We have an overcrowded planet and we should search for ways of expanding our habitat.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use contrast linker Original: at the time people are dying Suggested revision: while people are dying Why it matters: 'While' clearly links the two simultaneous and contrasting situations.
- 2. Restore parallel structure Original: or even flu Suggested revision: or even from influenza Why it matters: Repeating 'from' makes the coordinated disease references grammatically parallel.
- 3. Correct preposition Original: of Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The correct construction is 'the point in' doing something.
- 4. Remove unnecessary article Original: the outer space Suggested revision: outer space Why it matters: 'Outer space' is normally used without the definite article.
- 5. Correct noun phrase Original: receiving more comfortable life Suggested revision: people living more comfortable lives Why it matters: The revision supplies a logical subject and uses the countable noun 'life' correctly.
- 6. Clarify example link Original: They are Suggested revision: These include Why it matters: This phrase introduces examples without implying that the list is exhaustive.
- 7. Use uncountable noun Original: brings so many pollutions Suggested revision: causes so much pollution Why it matters: 'Pollution' is uncountable here and collocates naturally with 'causes'.
- 8. Use precise wording Original: influences ecology a lot Suggested revision: greatly harms the environment Why it matters: The revised phrase expresses the environmental damage clearly and naturally.
- 9. Clarify consequence Original: That brings us new health issues Suggested revision: This creates new health problems Why it matters: The revision uses a clear demonstrative and a natural cause-and-effect collocation.
- 10. Correct funding phrase Original: withdrawn from excessive payments Suggested revision: redirected from excessive spending Why it matters: Funds are 'redirected' from an area of spending rather than 'withdrawn' from payments.
- 11. Correct adverb position Original: scientists already have started Suggested revision: scientists have already started Why it matters: 'Already' normally follows the auxiliary verb in this present-perfect construction.
- 12. Use precise verb Original: fought Suggested revision: controlled Why it matters: 'Controlled' clearly expresses successful progress against diseases.
Suggested Rewrites
- at the time people are dying while people are dying
- or even flu or even from influenza
- of in
- the outer space outer space
- receiving more comfortable life people living more comfortable lives
- They are These include
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response engages with both spending priorities and offers several relevant reasons, ultimately making a discernible case for retaining investment in space research. Its main limitation is the loose, single-paragraph organisation, which makes the position and progression harder to follow, while speculative claims and frequent language errors weaken precision. Prioritise a clear thesis, separate body paragraphs, and focused development of the strongest evidence-based arguments.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both sides are considered and a final position is discernible, but the stance emerges late and some supporting ideas are speculative or insufficiently developed.
State a qualified disagreement in the introduction and develop two strongest reasons with realistic evidence rather than multiple speculative possibilities.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a broadly logical contrast between health and space spending, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph weakens progression and clarity.
Use an introduction, separate body paragraphs for the competing priorities, and a distinct conclusion with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response shows adequate topical range, but recurrent inaccurate word choices and collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Use more accurate combinations such as "invest in medical research," "causes pollution," and "combat diseases."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are mixed with generally clear meaning, although errors in articles, agreement, verb forms, and sentence construction occur frequently.
Edit each complex sentence for one main grammatical relationship, focusing especially on articles, countability, and forms such as "could find."
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Governments around the world are spending billions in support of space programs. This money would be better spent on research into improvements in human health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.