With all the problems in the world today, spending money on space exploration is a complete waste. The money could be better spent on other causes.
Sample Response
First, until all urgent and important matters of the globe have been solved, money bumped on space exploration is meaningless. It is not a common sense at all to invest millions of dollars researching and producing foods for astronauts (for space exploration purpose), while every day thousands of people are starving. Furthermore, the discovery of outer space only serves a minor group of people if the majority are even not well-educated. Those in rural areas or third-world nations do no even know how to prevent common threatening diseases such as AIDS and lung cancer.
Then, some may argue that the purpose of space exploration are to discover new lands, new energy resources or to deter potential threat to globe. Nevertheless, is it effective to do so while other alternatives are available? Lands on earth are no yet effectively used. New energy resources (e.g. solar and nuclear energy) have not yet been widely-used. Threats of plagues have not yet been deterred. All of these tasks that haven’t been tackled yet require money. That is why costly space discovery programs are a waste of resources.
In a nutshell, people should only invest in space exploration provided that urgent and important matters mentioned earlier in this essay have been solved. Also, purposes of space exploration campaigns should be studied carefully and other alternatives should be considered before the money is wasted.
This is a very good essay, well done.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural wording Original: matters of the globe Suggested revision: global issues Why it matters: Global issues is the concise and natural phrase for worldwide problems.
- 2. Correct spending phrase Original: bumped Suggested revision: spent Why it matters: Bumped does not mean allocated or used for an activity in this context.
- 3. Remove incorrect article Original: not a common sense Suggested revision: not common sense Why it matters: Common sense is uncountable here and does not take the article a.
- 4. Use uncountable food Original: foods Suggested revision: food Why it matters: Food is normally uncountable when referring generally to provisions.
- 5. Add required articles Original: for space exploration purpose Suggested revision: for the purpose of space exploration Why it matters: The fixed construction is for the purpose of followed by a noun phrase.
- 6. Use accurate activity Original: discovery Suggested revision: exploration Why it matters: Exploration names the activity being discussed, whereas discovery suggests a completed finding.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: minor Suggested revision: small Why it matters: Small group is the standard expression for a limited number of people.
- 8. Correct word order Original: even not well-educated Suggested revision: not even well educated Why it matters: Not should precede even in this negative construction.
- 9. Correct negative form Original: no Suggested revision: not Why it matters: The auxiliary requires not to form the negative.
- 10. Clarify disease description Original: common threatening diseases Suggested revision: common life-threatening diseases Why it matters: Life-threatening accurately expresses that the diseases may endanger life.
- 11. Signal counterargument Original: Then Suggested revision: However Why it matters: However clearly marks the shift to an opposing view.
- 12. Fix number agreement Original: purpose Suggested revision: purposes Why it matters: The plural complement list requires the plural subject purposes.
Suggested Rewrites
- matters of the globe global issues
- bumped spent
- not a common sense not common sense
- foods food
- for space exploration purpose for the purpose of space exploration
- discovery exploration
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear, consistent case and progresses logically from immediate social needs to alternatives to space investment. Its main limitation is that development is compressed by the slightly short length, while recurring collocation and grammar problems reduce precision; the final evaluative sentence is also irrelevant to the essay. The priority is to expand one central argument with specific support and proofread for natural word choice and agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is supported by relevant arguments, but the response is slightly under length and some claims receive limited explanation.
Remove the irrelevant closing comment and use the available space to develop one argument with a concrete, fully explained example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically across focused paragraphs, with clear movement from social priorities to possible alternatives and a conclusion.
Use referencing and transitions more naturally instead of relying on overt sequencing words such as First and Then.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonably broad topic vocabulary, though several inaccurate or unnatural combinations weaken precision.
Prioritise natural collocations, replacing expressions such as money bumped on exploration and threatening diseases with precise alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence structures, but recurring article, agreement, plural, and form errors remain noticeable.
Proofread systematically for subject-verb agreement, articles, and singular-plural consistency in every sentence.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
With all the problems in the world today, spending money on space exploration is a complete waste. The money could be better spent on other causes.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.