Some people think the money they earn should be enjoyed by spending it now, while others think their earnings should be saved for the future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Some employees often think that they should make use of their salary instantly as they earn it. Meanwhile, another set argues that keeping the money for future purposes is the best. However, this essay will look into the two sides of the argument while I develop my own side of the opinions.
In the first place, those who argue that salary should be enjoyed straightaway have their reasons for saying so. One, for the fact that you are working in an organization, you are expected to look good because, directly or indirectly, you are an ambassador of that establishment. For instance, a banker is not to be looked tattered. Therefore, you need to spend your wages as you have it. One of the cogent reasons for instant spending of salary is that nobody knows when the last breath comes. Therefore, it is advisable to enjoy one’s money when he or she is still alive than keeping it till a future time that one cannot predict. For example, in my workplace, Mr Steve was a very hardworking man who used to save almost 70% of his salary but accidentally died while his retirement remained four years.
In another way around, those who support reserving their salary until a later time argue this because of some reasonable purposes. First of all, in my country, as a civil servant, you will need to save a larger part of your salary before you can engage in a capital project. For example, a certain part of your wages will need to go into cooperative society before you can access the loan. Therefore, it is necessary to save your salary if you want to achieve a big project like housing. In addition to this is the necessity to save money for retirement. For example, salary earners need to secure part of their salary till when they will live their job.
To conclude, both views are justified by their reasons, however, as much as it is good to look nice by spending your remuneration as you collect it, I am of the opinion that it is better to reserve a larger part of it till future for the sake of capital projects and retirement purpose.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use clear reference Original: another set Suggested revision: others Why it matters: 'Another set' is an unnatural way to refer to the opposing group of people.
- 2. Fix article use Original: future purposes is the best Suggested revision: future needs is best Why it matters: The superlative phrase does not require 'the' in this construction.
- 3. Use academic verb Original: look into Suggested revision: examine Why it matters: 'Examine' is more precise and formal for introducing a discussion.
- 4. Use clear reason marker Original: One, for the fact that Suggested revision: First, because Why it matters: This replacement introduces the first reason directly and coherently.
- 5. Fix pronoun agreement Original: as you have it Suggested revision: as you receive them Why it matters: The plural noun 'wages' requires a plural pronoun.
- 6. Use natural expression Original: cogent reasons for instant spending of salary Suggested revision: main reasons for spending a salary immediately Why it matters: The replacement expresses the idea in a more natural way.
- 7. Clarify expression Original: when the last breath comes Suggested revision: when they will die Why it matters: The original expression is awkward and less clear than a direct formulation.
- 8. Fix comparison structure Original: still alive than keeping Suggested revision: still alive rather than keep Why it matters: 'Rather than' is required to contrast the two actions correctly.
- 9. Use contrast transition Original: In another way around Suggested revision: On the other hand Why it matters: The standard transition clearly introduces the opposing view.
- 10. Use natural phrasing Original: argue this because of some reasonable purposes Suggested revision: support this view for several practical reasons Why it matters: The original verb and noun combination is unnatural in this context.
- 11. Improve collocation Original: engage in a capital project Suggested revision: undertake a major project Why it matters: 'Undertake a project' is the natural verb-noun combination.
- 12. Add article and preposition Original: go into cooperative society Suggested revision: be paid into a cooperative society Why it matters: The replacement supplies the article and expresses the payment relationship clearly.
Suggested Rewrites
- another set others
- future purposes is the best future needs is best
- look into examine
- One, for the fact that First, because
- as you have it as you receive them
- cogent reasons for instant spending of salary main reasons for spending a salary immediately
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear paragraph-level treatment of both views, supported by concrete examples, and it ultimately states a definite preference for saving. The main limitation is uneven reasoning: looking presentable only partly supports immediate enjoyment of earnings, while some examples are expressed unclearly. The highest priority is to build each argument around a precise claim and explain directly how the example proves it.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and a clear opinion is given, but some supporting arguments are only partly relevant or insufficiently explained.
Develop each view with a direct reason about present enjoyment or future security, then explicitly connect the example to that reason.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and overall progression are clear, although linking is sometimes mechanical and several sentences connect awkwardly.
Use clearer claim-explanation-example sequences within paragraphs instead of relying on repetitive signposting such as "For example" and "Therefore".
Lexical Resource
The response shows adequate range, including vocabulary about wages, retirement, and major purchases, but recurring collocational errors reduce precision.
Prefer natural combinations such as "spend their salary," "save for the future," and "leave their job" over forced or inaccurate alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates the argument, though errors in articles, pronouns, comparison, and clause construction recur.
Review sentence boundaries and dependent clauses, then check articles and comparative forms in each complex sentence.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think the money they earn should be enjoyed by spending it now, while others think their earnings should be saved for the future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.