Some people spend a lot of money celebrating personal family events, such as weddings and birthdays. How important is it to celebrate such events? Do you think people spend too much money on these events?
Sample Response
It is common for individuals to invest heavily in celebrating important family events. In my opinion, such celebrations are vital to healthy family life and the associated costs are reasonable in most cases.
Events that bring together the whole family encourage stronger internal cohesion. This is best illustrated through the counter-example of families that rarely meet for large social gatherings. These families are likely to grow distant and remain family members in name rather than actuality. Family members that often meet, such as in many Asian nations where familial bonds are prioritised, are closer to both their immediate and extended family. The result of such closeness is they can ask for advice, lend a helping hand, and feel the unconditional support and love that is essential for mental health.
Generally, for these events families spend only as much as they can reasonably afford. There are rare exceptions, such as when a newly married couple spends excessively on the wedding. However, most families abide by an internal calculus that keeps their spending under control. A wealthy family may stage lavish reunions, family dinners, and weddings, but they are able to afford them and only appear excessive from the perspective of less privileged spectators. A less affluent family, on the other hand, will tend to hold more modest events and, in the case of weddings, may be able to recoup a substantial proportion of the costs from gifts. For example, the giving of an envelope containing money at a wedding is common in Vietnam and helps couples begin their marriage on solid financial footing.
In conclusion, family gatherings play a key part in strengthening bonds and their cost is justifiable and moderate. Families should therefore strive to maintain their traditions in an increasingly insular society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Improve collocation Original: invest heavily in celebrating important family events Suggested revision: spend heavily on important family celebrations Why it matters: Spend heavily on is the more natural collocation for financial expenditure.
- 2. Clarify reference Original: internal Suggested revision: family Why it matters: Family explicitly identifies the group whose cohesion is strengthened.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: remain family members in name rather than actuality Suggested revision: become family members in name only Why it matters: In name only expresses the contrast more idiomatically and concisely.
- 4. Use personal relative Original: that Suggested revision: who Why it matters: Who is the conventional relative pronoun for people in formal writing.
- 5. Fix number agreement Original: family Suggested revision: families Why it matters: The plural families agrees with the multiple family members described.
- 6. Add linking word Original: The result of such closeness is they can Suggested revision: The result of such closeness is that they can Why it matters: That is required to introduce the complement after is in this construction.
- 7. Add introductory comma Original: for these events families spend Suggested revision: for these events, families spend Why it matters: A comma separates the fronted prepositional phrase from the main clause.
- 8. Clarify possession Original: the Suggested revision: their Why it matters: The possessive determiner clearly links the wedding to the newly married couple.
- 9. Use clearer wording Original: abide by an internal calculus Suggested revision: follow an internal budget Why it matters: Internal budget conveys the financial limit more transparently than the abstract metaphor.
- 10. Correct source phrasing Original: from Suggested revision: through Why it matters: Through more naturally describes the means by which the costs are recovered.
- 11. Reduce nominalisation Original: the giving of an envelope containing money Suggested revision: giving money in an envelope Why it matters: The verbal form is more concise and natural while preserving the example.
- 12. Match plural subject Original: their cost is justifiable and moderate Suggested revision: their costs are justifiable and moderate Why it matters: The plural possessive reference to family gatherings requires plural costs and are.
Suggested Rewrites
- invest heavily in celebrating important family events spend heavily on important family celebrations
- internal family
- remain family members in name rather than actuality become family members in name only
- that who
- family families
- The result of such closeness is they can The result of such closeness is that they can
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its confident, consistent position and its well-organised development of both the social value and financial reasonableness of family celebrations. Its main limitation is that the broad claim that most families spend within their means is treated as generally true; qualifying this claim and analysing possible financial pressure more critically would make the reasoning more balanced and persuasive.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are fully addressed through a clear position, developed reasoning, and relevant supporting examples.
Qualify the affordability argument by acknowledging circumstances in which social expectations may encourage excessive spending.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised, and each paragraph develops one clear stage of the argument with well-managed cohesion.
Strengthen the transition into the spending discussion by explicitly linking affordability to the stated position.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and often sophisticated, with only isolated wording that feels slightly overstated or abstract.
Prefer the most natural precise phrase when discussing social inequality and family closeness.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentence forms are varied and controlled, and the great majority of sentences are error-free.
Polish the occasional compressed clause, such as result constructions, by adding the required complement marker.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people spend a lot of money celebrating personal family events, such as weddings and birthdays. How important is it to celebrate such events? Do you think people spend too much money on these events?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.