Some people consider sport to be their career and role in the society. For others, it is mostly a workout to keep them fit. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Several sports personalities have brought fame and pride to their country, and some have been successful for considering that as a personal pursuit. Some people are convinced that sports have a significant role and purpose in uplifting the pride of a country. However, others refute that the essence of sports is to make certain people become physically fit. We must acknowledge the belief of others that sports have important roles in showing the talent of the different individuals. The sports have signified that a country has the ability to display their unique abilities and strengths to other such as boxing, basketball, swimming and other strenuous sports. The sports have seen as an enormous lure which has created impacts and suspense for the sport's proponents. It has made the country’s tension at ease whenever there is an Olympic match or national sports completion. For instance, whenever there is an international boxing competition between the Philippines and other countries, the attention of the supporters are diverted on the fights of their country. The international and national sports events often erase the tension and distance between nations and tribes and offer an excellent opportunity to bring people together. For instance, India and Pakistan have their own political issues but their friendship remains constant in the case of cricket sport. Not everyone can become professional sports personnel and for them, the sport is a great way of doing the physical exercise and remaining fit. Almost every outdoor sport requires a great deal of physical movement and it can be a great alternative of doing cumbersome exercises. It is proven that people who start doing exercises in a gym often stop doing so because of time constraint or lack of interests. But people who get involved in sports often continue this habit for a long time because of their passion for the game. In conclusion, people who are good at a sport take it as their career and consider it to be a good role for the others. This is to some extent is a good way of perusing a career and inspiring others. On the contrary, many others take sports activity as part of their daily exercises and do not take it as their career either because they are not optimistic about the future of the sports profession or not good enough to be a renowned sports person.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct verb pattern Original: successful for considering that as a personal pursuit Suggested revision: successful in pursuing it as a personal goal Why it matters: The adjective 'successful' takes 'in' followed by a gerund here.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: sports have a significant role and purpose in uplifting the pride of a country Suggested revision: sports play a significant role in boosting national pride Why it matters: This revision uses more natural collocations and removes redundant wording.
- 3. Choose correct reporting verb Original: others refute that Suggested revision: others argue that Why it matters: 'Refute' requires an idea or claim as its direct object and does not fit this reporting structure.
- 4. Simplify causative form Original: make certain people become physically fit Suggested revision: help people become physically fit Why it matters: 'Help' expresses the intended result more naturally than the heavy causative construction.
- 5. Use concise phrasing Original: the belief of others Suggested revision: the opposing view Why it matters: This phrase identifies the contrasting viewpoint more precisely and concisely.
- 6. Fix number agreement Original: sports have important roles Suggested revision: sport plays an important role Why it matters: The general activity is normally uncountable here and therefore takes a singular verb.
- 7. Make wording concise Original: the talent of the different individuals Suggested revision: individuals' talents Why it matters: The possessive form expresses the relationship more directly and naturally.
- 8. Fix article and form Original: The sports have signified Suggested revision: Sport has shown Why it matters: General 'sport' does not take 'the', and 'has shown' fits the intended meaning.
- 9. Fix agreement and repetition Original: a country has the ability to display their unique abilities Suggested revision: a country can display its unique strengths Why it matters: The revision matches the singular noun with 'its' and avoids repeating 'ability'.
- 10. Repair comparison phrase Original: to other such as Suggested revision: to others through activities such as Why it matters: The original phrase is missing a plural pronoun and a connector before the examples.
- 11. Add passive auxiliary Original: The sports have seen as Suggested revision: Sport has been seen as Why it matters: The passive construction requires 'been', and general 'sport' is singular here.
- 12. Correct the collocation Original: It has made the country’s tension at ease Suggested revision: It has eased national tensions Why it matters: 'Ease tensions' is the standard collocation for reducing strain or anxiety.
Suggested Rewrites
- successful for considering that as a personal pursuit successful in pursuing it as a personal goal
- sports have a significant role and purpose in uplifting the pride of a country sports play a significant role in boosting national pride
- others refute that others argue that
- make certain people become physically fit help people become physically fit
- the belief of others the opposing view
- sports have important roles sport plays an important role
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response offers relevant examples and distinguishes sport as a source of wider social value from sport as a means of fitness. Its main weakness is that the career-and-social-role view is largely reframed as national pride, while the writer's own position remains only partly explicit. The highest priority is to address professional sporting careers directly, develop that perspective more precisely, and state a clear comparative opinion throughout.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are addressed with relevant support, but the career perspective is only partially developed and the writer's opinion is not consistently clear.
Explain how sport functions as a career and social role, then maintain an explicit personal judgement from the introduction to the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a broadly logical sequence, but the lack of clear paragraphing and some awkward linking weaken progression.
Separate the two views into focused body paragraphs and use referencing and transitions more precisely within each one.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, although frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Prioritize natural combinations such as pursue a career, relieve tension, and alternative to exercise rather than using ambitious but unsuitable wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys the main meaning, but recurring errors in articles, agreement, verb forms, and sentence construction limit control.
Edit each sentence for subject-verb agreement and complete verb patterns, especially after auxiliary verbs and in relative clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people consider sport to be their career and role in the society. For others, it is mostly a workout to keep them fit. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.