Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should
Sample Response
Every four years, the whole world stops to watch international sporting events such as the Olympics and the Football World Cup in which athletes show their best performance to make their country proud of them. These sporting occasions have proved to be helpful in easing international tensions in difficult times when powerful leaders were trying to control the world's economy and other governments were fighting over land. The Olympic Games are one of the best examples which prove how sporting events can bring nations together, at least temporarily. From ancient History, when Greeks and Romans would interrupt battles to participate in the games, to the more recent international disputes, when athletes from Palestine and Israel would forget their differences, compete pacifically and even embrace each other after an event. Moreover, these popular events have called the world's attention to the terrible consequences of wars; thus some leaders have tried to accept agreements to end their dispute and live peacefully. Again when Pakistan and India play cricket against each other, it, at least, temporarily helps the citizen of both countries forget about the war among these two countries. When Pakistani famous cricketers do stage programs with Indian popular crickets, then only friendship and peace can be felt, not the war and political conflicts. Similarly, international sporting events show benefits in some developing countries which live in a daily internal civil war. For example, Brazil has a high rate of unemployment, lack of education, hunger, crime, poverty and corruption which leads to an immense embarrassment of being Brazilian and a low self-esteem. However, when the Football World Cup starts, the Brazilian squad, which is considered the best team in the world, provokes an amazing feeling of pride in their country. Most people seem to forget all their problems and even the criminal activity decreases. They paint roads with the national colours, use wear the Brazilian team shirt and buy national flags. Moreover, the competition brings families and neighbours together and even rival gangs watch the games and celebrate peacefully. In conclusion, popular sporting events play an important role in decreasing international tensions and liberating patriotic feelings as History has shown.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: show Suggested revision: give Why it matters: English speakers normally say that athletes give, rather than show, a performance.
- 2. Fix plural reference Original: make their country proud of them Suggested revision: make their countries proud Why it matters: Athletes from different nations represent multiple countries, and the final pronoun is unnecessary.
- 3. Fix number agreement Original: The Olympic Games are one of the best examples Suggested revision: The Olympic Games are among the best examples Why it matters: The plural subject does not agree with the singular construction “one of.”
- 4. Use correct collocation Original: accept Suggested revision: reach Why it matters: Parties reach an agreement when they successfully negotiate a settlement.
- 5. Mark the transition Original: Again when Suggested revision: Again, when Why it matters: A comma is needed after the introductory linking adverb.
- 6. Remove disruptive commas Original: it, at least, temporarily helps Suggested revision: it temporarily helps Why it matters: The inserted phrase interrupts the clause and repeats the meaning already expressed by “temporarily.”
- 7. Use the plural noun Original: citizen Suggested revision: citizens Why it matters: The statement refers generally to multiple people in each country.
- 8. Improve word choice Original: the war among these two countries Suggested revision: the conflict between the two countries Why it matters: Use “between” for two countries, and “conflict” matches the general claim more precisely.
- 9. Use natural collocation Original: show Suggested revision: bring Why it matters: Events bring or provide benefits rather than show them.
- 10. Choose a suitable verb Original: countries which live Suggested revision: countries that experience Why it matters: Countries experience conflict; they do not themselves live in it.
- 11. Remove redundant wording Original: a daily internal civil war Suggested revision: ongoing civil conflict Why it matters: “Internal” repeats the meaning of “civil,” while “daily” is unnatural with “war.”
- 12. Fix subject agreement Original: which leads to an immense embarrassment Suggested revision: which lead to immense embarrassment Why it matters: The relative clause refers to several social problems, so the verb must be plural.
Suggested Rewrites
- show give
- make their country proud of them make their countries proud
- The Olympic Games are one of the best examples The Olympic Games are among the best examples
- accept reach
- Again when Again, when
- it, at least, temporarily helps it temporarily helps
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response strongly engages with both parts of the claim and supports its agreement through a wide range of international and domestic examples. Its main limitation is uneven control of organization and expression, especially the absence of paragraph breaks and several awkward or inaccurate phrases; the priority is to group the two main strands into distinct paragraphs and revise collocations and sentence boundaries.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained, and both international tension and patriotic feeling are addressed with relevant examples.
Explain the causal link in each example more critically instead of relying on broad claims about peace or social change.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a discernible sequence, but presenting the entire essay as one paragraph weakens its organization and readability.
Separate the introduction, international examples, domestic patriotism example, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a good range of topic vocabulary, although several inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Revise expressions such as agreement-related phrases and references to players so that each collocation is natural and exact.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are attempted successfully overall, but fragments and recurring agreement or form errors remain noticeable.
Check sentence completeness and singular-plural agreement, especially in the longer example sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should
Your response
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