Some say that sports play an important role in the development of society. Others think it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Sport to some people is merely a pastime entertainment, yet others claim that it has a significant contribution to the development of society. This essay will provide an in-depth analysis of both views before coming to a rational conclusion.
Admittedly, sport is a great tool for improving health and easing tensions. Many health benefits can be derived by doing sport on a regular basis, such as growing muscles, boosting endurance, and enhancing metabolism. The interactions with the surroundings while playing sport also helps to strengthen the body's immune system, increasing the ability to fight back against many diseases. Moreover, sport has been proved to have a positive influence on people's mental well-being. It increases the quality of sleep, encourages the human brain to release toxic elements, and produces more happy chemicals such as endorphins or dopamine, which are all amazing stress relievers.
However, the meaning of sport goes well beyond the spectrum of recreation. Sport delivers a variety of life lessons, from the power of unity to accepting failure. It draws people together, whether it is the players or sports fans, by blurring the differences in backgrounds, religious views, and cultures. People come and find ways to work together, they learn to understand and to trust in themselves and each other in order to produce a harmonious performance towards achieving the common goal of winning. Sports players also learn about how to handle disappointment, since victory does not come easily and come every time. Competitions will get more intense and no one can forever be the champion. Failure is inevitable and if one fails to accept it, the person cannot acknowledge his or her weaknesses and move forward. Sport somewhat shows people how the real world works, and therefore is a microcosm of human society.
In conclusion, to my belief, sport is much more than just a leisure activity and is of paramount importance to society's development.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct noun combination Original: pastime entertainment Suggested revision: pastime Why it matters: A pastime is itself a leisure activity, so 'entertainment' is redundant here.
- 2. Use correct collocation Original: has Suggested revision: makes Why it matters: English uses 'make a contribution' rather than 'have a contribution' in this context.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: doing sport on a regular basis Suggested revision: participating in sport regularly Why it matters: This phrasing is more natural and precise in formal writing.
- 4. Use standard collocation Original: growing muscles Suggested revision: building muscle Why it matters: 'Building muscle' is the conventional expression for developing muscular strength.
- 5. Use natural passive Original: proved Suggested revision: shown Why it matters: 'Has been shown' is the more natural passive form for evidence about an effect.
- 6. Improve collocation Original: increases the quality of sleep Suggested revision: improves sleep quality Why it matters: 'Improve sleep quality' is the standard collocation.
- 7. Use precise term Original: more happy chemicals Suggested revision: more mood-enhancing chemicals Why it matters: 'Happy chemicals' is informal and imprecise for an academic essay.
- 8. Use formal register Original: amazing Suggested revision: effective Why it matters: 'Effective' conveys the intended benefit in a more academic register.
- 9. Clarify intended meaning Original: meaning Suggested revision: role Why it matters: 'Role' more precisely describes sport's function in society.
- 10. Correct awkward phrase Original: spectrum Suggested revision: realm Why it matters: 'Spectrum of recreation' is not a natural expression for the boundaries of leisure activity.
- 11. Use natural collocation Original: delivers Suggested revision: teaches Why it matters: Lessons are normally 'taught' rather than 'delivered' in this meaning.
- 12. Fix correlative structure Original: whether it is the players or sports fans Suggested revision: whether they are players or sports fans Why it matters: The revised clause gives 'whether' a consistent plural subject that refers clearly to people.
Suggested Rewrites
- pastime entertainment pastime
- has makes
- doing sport on a regular basis participating in sport regularly
- growing muscles building muscle
- proved shown
- increases the quality of sleep improves sleep quality
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response's strongest feature is its clear position and substantial explanation of how sport can promote health, unity, and resilience. Its main limitation is that the first viewpoint is treated mainly as a list of personal benefits rather than a direct explanation of why some people regard sport as only leisure, while several awkward expressions and sentence-control slips reduce precision. Prioritise a more explicit contrast between the two views and edit collocations and run-on sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a clear opinion are present, but the first side is interpreted mostly through health benefits rather than fully explaining the leisure-only claim.
Explain why some people see sport as merely recreational, then contrast that reasoning directly with its broader social contribution.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from personal benefits to wider social value, although one long sentence in the third paragraph weakens control.
Break the extended sentence about teamwork into distinct steps and use clearer internal sequencing for the argument.
Lexical Resource
A broad vocabulary supports the discussion, but awkward collocations such as 'pastime entertainment' and 'harmonious performance' reduce precision.
Prefer natural combinations such as 'leisure pursuit' and 'work effectively toward a shared goal' when expressing abstract ideas.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures communicate the ideas clearly, despite recurring agreement errors and comma-spliced independent clauses.
Check subject-verb agreement carefully and separate complete clauses with full stops, semicolons, or appropriate conjunctions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some say that sports play an important role in the development of society. Others think it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.