Nowadays, sports is a big business with high earnings for professional sports people and companies involved both financially and other ways. Is this a positive or negative development for sports?
Sample Response
These days, professional athletes can earn a great deal of money as sports have become a lucrative business. Furthermore, this business is supported by many companies in various ways, including sponsorships and so forth. From my perspective, this is more of a positive development.
To begin with, paying a big amount of money to sports people can be considered beneficial to sports. When these people find their career rewarding enough in terms of earnings, they are more likely to have greater motivation to devote hard work and time to their training. As a result, these athletes are able to enhance their performance in competition and gain more medals for themselves or for their own country. In Brazil, sports have become an industry that receives huge investments from companies like Wilkes and Banco. Brazilian footballers are paid millions of dollars a year just to bring victory to their country, explaining why this nation has won so many championships.
It is also advantageous for sports when businesses pour a lot of money and support into the industry. Since HAGL, a prosperous business group in Vietnam, allocated billions of Vietnam Dong to the construction of a sports institute to provide young football players with professional training, the Vietnamese national football team has become much stronger. Being well-trained, they now have a better chance of winning more championships and awards than their predecessors. Other companies in Vietnam also use images of popular sports idols in advertisements on social media for another purpose. Aiming at all walks of life, they inspire people to have a greater passion for sports, potentially increasing the number of talented athletes.
In conclusion, sport can benefit a great deal from becoming a business as it will help to improve the popularity of playing sport and leading a healthy lifestyle, while professional athletes will have more financial incentives to improve their performance.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid vague ending Original: including sponsorships and so forth Suggested revision: including sponsorships and other forms of support Why it matters: The revised phrase is more precise while retaining the reference to additional support.
- 2. Use concise phrasing Original: more of a positive development Suggested revision: a largely positive development Why it matters: This expresses the degree of approval more directly and naturally.
- 3. Correct money collocation Original: paying a big amount of money Suggested revision: paying large sums of money Why it matters: English uses 'large sums' rather than 'a big amount' in this formal context.
- 4. Use precise noun Original: sports people Suggested revision: athletes Why it matters: 'Athletes' is the more concise and natural term in this context.
- 5. Improve number and phrasing Original: find their career rewarding enough in terms of earnings Suggested revision: find their careers sufficiently rewarding financially Why it matters: The plural possessive reference and adverb placement make the clause more natural.
- 6. Correct verb collocation Original: devote hard work and time to their training Suggested revision: devote more time and effort to their training Why it matters: One devotes time and effort, whereas 'devote hard work' is not a natural collocation.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: gain Suggested revision: win Why it matters: Athletes normally 'win' rather than 'gain' medals in competitions.
- 8. Refine singular reference Original: sports have become an industry Suggested revision: sport has become an industry Why it matters: The singular mass noun creates a clearer match with the single industry described.
- 9. Improve investment collocation Original: receives huge investments Suggested revision: attracts substantial investment Why it matters: Industries more naturally 'attract investment' in formal writing.
- 10. Correct currency phrasing Original: allocated billions of Vietnam Dong to the construction Suggested revision: spent billions of Vietnamese dong on constructing Why it matters: The currency is called the Vietnamese dong, and the revised collocation is more natural.
- 11. Correct awkward collocation Original: improve the popularity of playing sport Suggested revision: increase participation in sport Why it matters: 'Increase participation in sport' states the intended idea in natural formal English.
Suggested Rewrites
- including sponsorships and so forth including sponsorships and other forms of support
- more of a positive development a largely positive development
- paying a big amount of money paying large sums of money
- sports people athletes
- find their career rewarding enough in terms of earnings find their careers sufficiently rewarding financially
- devote hard work and time to their training devote more time and effort to their training
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear positive position and supports it with two relevant, well-organised lines of argument about athlete incentives and corporate investment. Its main limitation is that some claims and examples are simplified, while the conclusion introduces healthy lifestyles without prior development. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen the causal analysis and qualify the examples so that each claimed benefit is more convincingly demonstrated.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a clear position and develops two directly relevant benefits with extended examples.
Qualify broad causal claims and develop the healthy-lifestyle point before including it in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with clear referencing and cohesive connections.
Make the transition within the corporate-support paragraph more explicit when moving from training investment to advertising.
Lexical Resource
A wide vocabulary is used effectively, including precise language for finance, training, and sporting achievement.
Refine occasional awkward collocations such as paying a big amount and performance in competition.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex sentence forms is handled accurately, and errors are rare and non-impeding.
Polish article, number, and preposition choices in a few phrases to make the language consistently natural.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays, sports is a big business with high earnings for professional sports people and companies involved both financially and other ways. Is this a positive or negative development for sports?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.