Sports events get the nations together and help alleviate the violence in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this viewpoint?
Sample Response
Human is a social being. However, in the recent years, owing to terrorism and increment in the violence, characteristic of human as a friendly species is transforming. Some people believe that similar to ancient times, even today sports events extenuate the global riots and assist in maintaining the harmony. I believe, it is true and it must flourish across the globe.
To begin with, worldwide game events redirect the focus of every nation towards the preparation of the event. As a result, the global show off of supremacy is alleviated. It can be confirmed by the recent world cup event whereby, total worldwide violence was reduced to 10%. Thus, on account of these statistics, it is evident that global game events are propitious to the world.
In addition, due to sport, majority of the nations cross borders and play with each other, which sometimes pave the way for negotiations among the nations and impart the impetus to a mutual agreement. For instance, in the recent cricket tournament, the Prime Minister of India and Pakistan had inked an agglomeration to fight against terrorism. Evidently, prominence of game events in mitigating the global issues cannot be neglected. Sports events are friendly competitions that bring the sportsmen and the nations together. A major victory in a large completion has proven to reduce the international tension and difference. Many times these short of winning lessen the internal political issues a country has. When sports events get popular, young people get attracted to participate in sports rather than doing crime activities. From this point of view, sports play a great role to bring nations together and reduce the crime and violence.
To sum up, similar to ancient times game events still play a vital role in stamping out global harmony, as it is an opportunity for nations to divert the focus from violence to such events.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the comparison Original: similar to ancient times, even today Suggested revision: as in ancient times, sports events today Why it matters: The revised comparison states the time relationship clearly and supplies a subject for the clause.
- 2. Correct the word choice Original: extenuate the global riots Suggested revision: alleviate global violence Why it matters: ‘Extenuate’ means to make an offence seem less serious and does not mean reduce violence.
- 3. Remove the article Original: maintaining the harmony Suggested revision: maintaining harmony Why it matters: ‘Harmony’ is an uncountable abstract noun here and does not take ‘the’.
- 4. Remove the comma Original: I believe, it is true Suggested revision: I believe it is true Why it matters: No comma should separate the reporting verb from its content clause.
- 5. Clarify the reference Original: it must flourish Suggested revision: these events should flourish Why it matters: The plural noun phrase clearly identifies sports events as the intended reference.
- 6. Use the standard term Original: worldwide game events Suggested revision: international sporting events Why it matters: ‘International sporting events’ is the natural term for competitions involving many nations.
- 7. Use concise wording Original: towards the preparation of the event Suggested revision: towards preparing for the event Why it matters: The gerund construction is more direct and natural.
- 8. Correct the noun phrase Original: the global show off of supremacy Suggested revision: global displays of supremacy Why it matters: ‘Show off’ is a phrasal verb and does not function naturally as the noun used here.
- 9. Correct the event reference Original: recent world cup event whereby Suggested revision: recent World Cup, during which Why it matters: The proper name needs capitals, and ‘during which’ correctly refers to a time period.
- 10. Match the singular evidence Original: on account of these statistics Suggested revision: based on this statistic Why it matters: Only one numerical claim is given, so the reference should be singular.
- 11. Use a natural collocation Original: propitious Suggested revision: beneficial Why it matters: ‘Beneficial to’ expresses the intended positive effect more naturally.
- 12. Use a clearer link Original: due to sport Suggested revision: through sport Why it matters: ‘Through sport’ more clearly expresses the means by which nations interact.
Suggested Rewrites
- similar to ancient times, even today as in ancient times, sports events today
- extenuate the global riots alleviate global violence
- maintaining the harmony maintaining harmony
- I believe, it is true I believe it is true
- it must flourish these events should flourish
- worldwide game events international sporting events
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear opinion and offers several relevant mechanisms by which sport might reduce conflict, showing ambition in both ideas and vocabulary. Its main limitation is loss of precision: unsupported statistics, loosely connected claims, and inaccurate wording sometimes distort the argument, most seriously when the conclusion says sport stamps out harmony; the priority is to use credible, fully explained evidence and simpler accurate language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and relevant reasons are presented, but several claims rely on unsupported or implausible examples and the conclusion contains a contradictory phrase.
Develop one or two credible mechanisms in depth and ensure the conclusion restates the intended claim accurately.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses from position to supporting reasons with clear paragraphing, though the long third paragraph accumulates loosely connected claims.
Divide or streamline the third paragraph and make each example explicitly support one controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
There is a broad and ambitious vocabulary range, but frequent inaccurate choices and collocations often make the meaning unnatural or imprecise.
Prefer accurate common expressions over forced items such as extenuate, agglomeration, and stamping out harmony.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted, but recurring article, agreement, plural, and sentence-construction errors reduce accuracy.
Edit systematically for articles and subject-verb agreement, then simplify sentences whose clause structure becomes unstable.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Sports events get the nations together and help alleviate the violence in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this viewpoint?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.