A group of people say that increasing the number of sports facilities would ensure the improvement in public health. Others, however, disagree with this view and say that this would have very little effect on promoting public health and other initiatives should be taken. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
These days, people argue that providing the facilities for physical activity is the best option to enhance their fitness but other side claims that it has very little impact and also different point of views should be outweighed considering public health status. In this essay, I will elaborate the topic into several discussions underneath.
Nowadays, in their daily routine sedentary people is not include their working days and leisure time for physical activity. Because they tend to use all their time to focus on the important thing related to their job, family and the other. Lacking time and facilities could be the reason to alter their mood to conduct the sports session. But the condition not will be the same if several facilities are well-fulfilled in society. For example, the government can build the cheap access to a park so the people could easily reach them.
However, to focus on sports interests is not universal. Some people are already adapt their lifestyle to exercise. So, promoting sports facilities would not greatly influence their behaviour. Because to do sports activity, someone should understand how to do in proper ways.
As well as physical activity, high tax penalties could be imposed on high-fat food products, tobacco and alcohol. The reason is reliance on their daily habitual, to do so, could decrease the consumer. This obviously will lead to influences statistics level on public health.
By way of conclusion, I think people should think differently and focus on sports. It is should be understood that governments should also encourage people from many aspects.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use clear essay wording Original: elaborate the topic into several discussions underneath Suggested revision: discuss these views in detail Why it matters: The original collocation is unnatural and does not clearly describe the essay's purpose.
- 2. Repair sentence fragment Original: Because they tend to use all their time to focus on Suggested revision: They tend to devote all their time to Why it matters: Removing "Because" creates an independent sentence, and the revised verb phrase is more concise.
- 3. Clarify vague list Original: the important thing related to their job, family and the other Suggested revision: important matters related to work, family and other responsibilities Why it matters: The replacement gives the list a grammatical and precise final category.
- 4. Use noun phrase Original: Lacking time and facilities Suggested revision: A lack of time and facilities Why it matters: The sentence requires a noun phrase as the subject rather than a participial phrase.
- 5. State effect clearly Original: could be the reason to alter their mood to conduct the sports session Suggested revision: could discourage them from exercising Why it matters: The replacement expresses the intended effect in natural and concise English.
- 6. Fix word order Original: the condition not will be the same Suggested revision: the situation will be different Why it matters: The revision uses correct auxiliary placement and a natural contrast.
- 7. Fix facility collocation Original: several facilities are well-fulfilled in society Suggested revision: sports facilities are widely available Why it matters: Facilities can be available or well provided, but they are not "well-fulfilled."
- 8. Fix access collocation Original: build the cheap access to a park Suggested revision: provide affordable access to parks Why it matters: Governments provide access rather than build it, and the plural noun fits the general example.
- 9. Fix article and modal Original: so the people could easily reach them Suggested revision: so people can reach them easily Why it matters: The general plural needs no article, and present-tense "can" matches the proposal.
- 10. Fix verb form Original: are already adapt Suggested revision: have already adapted Why it matters: The present perfect requires the past participle "adapted."
- 11. Clarify adaptation Original: their lifestyle to exercise Suggested revision: their lifestyles to include exercise Why it matters: The plural possessive noun must agree with "people," and the infinitive clarifies what was added.
- 12. Fix purpose clause Original: Because to do sports activity Suggested revision: To participate in sport Why it matters: An infinitive phrase correctly introduces the condition without the ungrammatical "Because to" structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- elaborate the topic into several discussions underneath discuss these views in detail
- Because they tend to use all their time to focus on They tend to devote all their time to
- the important thing related to their job, family and the other important matters related to work, family and other responsibilities
- Lacking time and facilities A lack of time and facilities
- could be the reason to alter their mood to conduct the sports session could discourage them from exercising
- the condition not will be the same the situation will be different
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response recognises both the potential value and limitations of sports facilities and mentions taxation as an alternative health measure. However, its position is unclear, the arguments remain thin or confusing, and frequent language errors sometimes make the intended meaning difficult to recover. The highest-priority improvement is to state a direct opinion and build two clearly explained arguments—one about facility access and one about broader public-health initiatives.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response touches on both views and another initiative, but development is limited and the writer's final opinion is ambiguous.
State whether facilities alone are sufficient and support that judgement with clear reasons and concrete examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphs identify separate aspects of the topic, but progression is uneven and several links between claims and reasons are unclear.
Give each paragraph one topic sentence followed by a cause, an effect, and an example.
Lexical Resource
Some relevant health vocabulary appears, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations often obscure the message.
Use straightforward phrases such as accessible sports facilities, exercise habits, discourage consumption, and improve health outcomes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in sentence formation, agreement, word order, articles, and verb forms make several passages difficult to understand.
Write shorter complete sentences and verify that each has a clear subject and correctly formed verb.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
A group of people say that increasing the number of sports facilities would ensure the improvement in public health. Others, however, disagree with this view and say that this would have very little effect on promoting public health and other initiatives should be taken. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.