Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
While some people tend to think that playing sport is simply an activity people do for leisure, others would argue that it has a significant role to play within society. Personally, I believe that sport does have an important function in society, but can also simply be enjoyed as a leisure activity by people.
On the one hand, nobody can deny that sport is a great leisure activity. Millions of people all around the world participate in sporting activities everyday simply because of the sense of well-being and relaxation that it brings them. People play sport for numerous reasons, including, wanting to get fit or stay in shape, as a way to relax and take their mind off the stresses of daily life, and as a way to socialise and spend time with friends. These reasons would indicate that people get involved in sporting activities as a form of leisure.
However, even though most people play sport for the personal benefits, it does also serve a number of usual functions within society. Firstly, sport creates healthier societies. People who play sport are known to be happier and healthier, and less prone to certain mental and physical sicknesses, which reduces the burdens on healthcare systems. Secondly, sport brings people together and creates a sense of unity within societies. This can be witnessed when complete strangers join together to cheer on and support their countries football team. Finally, sport teaches people many important life skills and lessons, which help people to function more effectively within their society, making it a better place to live.
In conclusion, even though people may only participate in sport for the purpose of leisure, it does also bring a number of important benefits to societies as well.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a concise phrase Original: within Suggested revision: in Why it matters: In society is the more concise expression in this context.
- 2. Remove redundant wording Original: as a leisure activity by people Suggested revision: as a leisure activity Why it matters: The subject already identifies people, so the final words add no meaning.
- 3. Match the plural subject Original: mind Suggested revision: minds Why it matters: The plural possessive their requires the plural noun minds in this expression.
- 4. Use direct wording Original: would indicate Suggested revision: indicate Why it matters: The evidence is presented as current, so the conditional auxiliary is unnecessary.
- 5. Remove the article Original: for the personal benefits Suggested revision: for personal benefits Why it matters: The general plural phrase personal benefits does not require the definite article.
- 6. Choose the intended word Original: usual Suggested revision: useful Why it matters: Useful conveys beneficial social roles, whereas usual means customary or ordinary.
- 7. Use a natural collocation Original: sicknesses Suggested revision: illnesses Why it matters: Illnesses is the more natural countable noun in this formal context.
- 8. Use the usual singular Original: burdens Suggested revision: burden Why it matters: Burden is normally singular when referring collectively to pressure on healthcare systems.
- 9. Add the possessive apostrophe Original: countries Suggested revision: country's Why it matters: Country needs a possessive apostrophe because the football team belongs to it.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Millions of people all around the world participate in sporting activities everyday simply because of the sense of well-being and relaxation that it brings them. Suggested revision: Millions of people around the world participate in sporting activities every day because these activities give them a sense of well-being and relaxation. Why it matters: The rewrite corrects every day, fixes the unclear pronoun agreement, and removes unnecessary wording.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: People play sport for numerous reasons, including, wanting to get fit or stay in shape, as a way to relax and take their mind off the stresses of daily life, and as a way to socialise and spend time with friends. Suggested revision: People play sport for numerous reasons, including getting fit or staying in shape, relaxing and taking their minds off the stresses of daily life, and socialising with friends. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the misplaced comma and makes all three list items grammatically parallel.
Suggested Rewrites
- within in
- as a leisure activity by people as a leisure activity
- mind minds
- would indicate indicate
- for the personal benefits for personal benefits
- usual useful
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay’s strongest feature is its balanced, well-organised treatment of sport as both recreation and a social benefit, with a clear personal view maintained throughout. Its main limitation is that several societal claims remain general, while occasional awkward word choices and grammatical slips reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to support one major social benefit with a concrete example and then proofread collocations, punctuation, and possessive forms carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed fully, the writer’s opinion is clear, and the main ideas are relevant and substantially developed.
Add a specific example or deeper explanation for one societal benefit to make the argument more fully substantiated.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced, paragraphs have clear purposes, and linking expressions guide the reader effectively.
Reduce repeated framing around sport and society so progression feels even more economical and natural.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary range is strong and topic-appropriate, although a few choices such as usual functions are imprecise.
Check collocations and word forms carefully, replacing awkward phrases with more exact expressions such as useful social functions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are frequent and generally controlled, but several punctuation, agreement, and possessive errors remain noticeable.
Proofread for unnecessary commas, pronoun agreement, and apostrophes, especially in phrases such as their country’s football team.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.