It is commonly thought that it is healthy for adults to maintain an outside interest in order to relax or stay fit. Compare the advantages and disadvantages of 3 of the following sports and pastimes: tennis walking museums a club a gym
Sample Response
Everyone wants to maintain a perfect health but it is difficult to obtain this especially in this modern era with a changing lifestyle where people remain busy most of the time. So, the adults engage in different sports and pastimes to stay fit and healthy. But both sports and pastimes have advantages and disadvantages. A brief of the matter is discussed below. First of all, tennis is preferred for its several advantages. It helps to make the body fit and reduces risks for diseases like diabetes, heart disorders etc. Overall mental health is also achieved from this sport. But the most important disadvantage is – tennis is not fit for everyone. Adults over 45 are suggested not to participate in tennis. They might be unable to stroke with the heavy racket or may not move in the court speedily. Besides, this is a costly sport as well. Second, walking is a very good form of physical exercise and applicable for people of any age. It helps to reduce weight, burn fats and maintain a healthy lifestyle. But it has some demerits as well. Extensive walking may weaken bone joints. Besides, walking provides a slow benefit. It reduces weight in exchange for longer times. My dad takes a morning walk every day to shed his extra pounds but the results are unremarkable. He has been walking for last three months. Finally, people join clubs for passing leisure hours. It offers recreational acts like playing cards, having a group chat etc. Such events develop a sense of comfort to the club-goers. In fact, a club improves mental faculties. But there are no physical benefits as it is derived from physical movements. At the end, I believe physical activities should be taken to maintain a healthy living and lifestyle. Only fit people may seek the opportunity to join a club as they need less physical movements. Besides, the remaining people should take sports but after their physical strength and ability.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove article Original: a perfect health Suggested revision: perfect health Why it matters: Health is uncountable here and does not take the article a.
- 2. Use correct collocation Original: obtain Suggested revision: achieve Why it matters: Achieve is the natural verb for attaining a state of health.
- 3. Use definite article Original: this Suggested revision: the Why it matters: The fixed general expression normally uses the definite article.
- 4. Remove unnecessary article Original: the adults engage Suggested revision: adults engage Why it matters: Adults refers to people generally, so the definite article is unnecessary.
- 5. Use natural phrase Original: A brief of the matter Suggested revision: A brief discussion of the matter Why it matters: A brief cannot stand alone with this meaning; discussion supplies the required noun.
- 6. State benefit directly Original: tennis is preferred for its several advantages Suggested revision: tennis offers several advantages Why it matters: The revision expresses the point more directly and naturally.
- 7. Correct noun phrase Original: reduces risks for diseases Suggested revision: reduces the risk of diseases Why it matters: The standard construction is reduce the risk of something.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: achieved from this sport Suggested revision: improved through this sport Why it matters: Mental health is improved through an activity rather than achieved from it.
- 9. Complete clause correctly Original: disadvantage is – Suggested revision: disadvantage is that Why it matters: That is needed to introduce the following finite clause, and the dash is unnecessary.
- 10. Correct passive pattern Original: suggested Suggested revision: advised Why it matters: People are advised to act; suggested is not used with this passive infinitive pattern.
- 11. Use correct verb Original: stroke with the heavy racket Suggested revision: swing a heavy racket Why it matters: Swing is the appropriate verb for moving a racket in this context.
- 12. Use natural phrasing Original: move in the court speedily Suggested revision: move quickly around the court Why it matters: Around the court and quickly form the natural prepositional and adverbial combination.
Suggested Rewrites
- a perfect health perfect health
- obtain achieve
- this the
- the adults engage adults engage
- A brief of the matter A brief discussion of the matter
- tennis is preferred for its several advantages tennis offers several advantages
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response follows the instruction by examining tennis, walking, and club membership and gives at least one benefit and drawback for each. Its main limitation is that several claims are unsupported or contradictory, while the single-block structure and frequent language errors make the comparison mechanical. The priority is to organise one paragraph per activity and compare realistic differences in fitness, cost, accessibility, and relaxation using clear evidence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Three permitted activities are covered with relevant advantages and disadvantages, but development is uneven and several claims about age, joint damage, and club benefits lack convincing support.
Use realistic comparisons, explaining tennis's intensity and cost, walking's accessibility and limited intensity, and clubs' social benefits and membership costs.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence from tennis to walking to clubs is easy to identify, but mechanical signposting and the absence of paragraphs weaken progression and comparison.
Use one paragraph for each activity and end each with a concise comparison to the other two options.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough vocabulary to discuss exercise and leisure, but frequent awkward choices such as 'perfect health,' 'burn fats,' and 'passing leisure hours' reduce accuracy.
Prefer natural expressions such as 'good health,' 'burn fat,' 'spend leisure time,' 'joint strain,' and 'social interaction.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex structures are attempted, but recurring errors with articles, agreement, pronouns, prepositions, and noun forms are noticeable throughout.
Check sentence subjects and references carefully, for example 'Club activities provide mental relaxation, but they offer few physical benefits.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is commonly thought that it is healthy for adults to maintain an outside interest in order to relax or stay fit. Compare the advantages and disadvantages of 3 of the following sports and pastimes: tennis walking museums a club a gym
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.