Some Companies Sponsor Sports And Sports Stars To Promote themselves Some Believe it is Good While others Believe it Has Disadvantages?
Sample Response
It is seen that some companies provide financial assistance to sports and sports athletes in order to gain commercial popularity. It has been considered both advantageous and disadvantageous. In my perspective, it might destroy the reputation of some games and players due to the lack of rigid rules. Otherwise, sponsorship is a great boon for players who are unable to bear the expenses of kit, travel and accommodation.
By looking at its merits, it is good to support athletes. Sometimes, it is challenging for them to pay for training and arrange their accommodation. Because it is an expensive affair, a few good players lag behind and stop playing in the Olympics or World Cup. Therefore, it is a boon for them. If players are getting mandatory help, the companies, which promote them, will also become popular. For instance, the Red Bull energy drink is one of the favourite drinks of youngsters. Since the sports players have advertised it, its sales are still increasing.
After analysing its positive aspects, its downside cannot be overlooked. Firstly, sponsorship kills the players’ enthusiasm and makes them pressurised more. To elaborate, companies force them to focus on victory in a match. Resultantly, sports persons do not feel liberated to play the game. Thus, they do not have enough zeal for the game, which sometimes becomes a cause of their failure. Moreover, the chances of match-fixing are higher, making any potential player lose the game. The classical epitome of it can be seen in the past history of cricket. Ajay Jadeja, an ex-sports player, did it, and even today, people have not forgotten that incident. In addition, for the sake of earning more profit, these individuals are told to advertise the brand of their company, and people blindly follow them and develop unhealthy habits such as consuming fast food, drinking energy drinks: Coca-Cola, Thums up as well as spending money lavishly on shopping to buy clothes or footwear.
To conclude, it is apparent that financial help from a few companies can be beneficial for players by giving them a chance to play inland or overseas. However, indirectly escalates bad reputation due to advertisements by athletes on fast food and energy drinks.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove awkward repetition Original: financial assistance to sports and sports athletes Suggested revision: financial assistance to sports organisations and athletes Why it matters: The revision distinguishes the organisations and people that receive sponsorship.
- 2. Use precise wording Original: gain commercial popularity Suggested revision: increase their public visibility Why it matters: This more natural collocation clearly describes the companies’ promotional aim.
- 3. Clarify the subject Original: It has been considered Suggested revision: Sponsorship is considered Why it matters: The explicit subject removes the unclear pronoun reference.
- 4. Correct the preposition Original: In Suggested revision: From Why it matters: The standard expression uses “from” rather than “in.”
- 5. Use accurate collocations Original: destroy the reputation of some games and players Suggested revision: damage the reputations of some sports and players Why it matters: Reputations are damaged, and “sports” is more appropriate than “games” here.
- 6. Correct the contrast link Original: Otherwise Suggested revision: At the same time Why it matters: The sentence adds a balancing advantage rather than describing an alternative consequence.
- 7. Use natural cost language Original: bear the expenses of kit, travel and accommodation Suggested revision: cover the costs of equipment, travel and accommodation Why it matters: “Cover the costs” and “equipment” are more natural in this context.
- 8. Improve the transition Original: By looking at its merits Suggested revision: Considering its merits Why it matters: This concise participial phrase introduces the advantages more smoothly.
- 9. Make the structure parallel Original: pay for training and arrange their accommodation Suggested revision: pay for training and accommodation Why it matters: Both items are expenses, so they should share the verb “pay for.”
- 10. Choose the intended adjective Original: mandatory help Suggested revision: essential financial support Why it matters: “Mandatory” means legally required and does not express the intended idea of necessary assistance.
- 11. Fix the relative clause Original: the companies, which promote them, Suggested revision: the companies that promote them Why it matters: The clause identifies which companies are meant, so it should be restrictive and unpunctuated.
- 12. Avoid a redundant phrase Original: the sports players Suggested revision: the athletes Why it matters: “Athletes” conveys the same meaning without repetition.
Suggested Rewrites
- financial assistance to sports and sports athletes financial assistance to sports organisations and athletes
- gain commercial popularity increase their public visibility
- It has been considered Sponsorship is considered
- In From
- destroy the reputation of some games and players damage the reputations of some sports and players
- Otherwise At the same time
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response covers both benefits and drawbacks and offers several relevant examples, with the financial support for athletes being the clearest developed point. Its main limitation is that some causal claims, particularly those linking sponsorship to pressure, match-fixing, and unhealthy behaviour, are asserted imprecisely, while the conclusion is grammatically incomplete; the highest-priority improvement is to explain fewer drawbacks more logically and state a clear final judgment in a complete sentence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both sides are addressed and supported with examples, but several claims are only partly explained and the final position is not fully clear.
Select fewer disadvantages and explain the causal connection between sponsorship and each claimed outcome before giving an explicit final judgment.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear overall structure, though progression within the disadvantages paragraph becomes crowded and some linking is mechanical.
Separate distinct drawbacks into a more controlled sequence and use references that clearly identify the companies, athletes, or consumers being discussed.
Lexical Resource
There is enough range to discuss the topic, but frequent awkward collocations and imprecise word choices reduce clarity and naturalness.
Replace expressions such as makes them pressurised more and escalates bad reputation with accurate, natural collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex forms, but recurring errors in sentence construction, agreement, and punctuation reduce control.
Prioritise complete clause structure, especially in the conclusion, and check long lists for parallel grammar and clear punctuation.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some Companies Sponsor Sports And Sports Stars To Promote themselves Some Believe it is Good While others Believe it Has Disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.