Large companies use sports events to promote their products. Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is common today for large corporations to promote products through various sporting events and teams. In my opinion, though this guarantees financial stability, it is a negative overall due to de-emphasis of the sport itself.
Those in favor of corporate sponsorship argue its financial flexibility. Most televised games, ranging from basketball and baseball in America to international sports such as football and rugby, are free of cost for viewers. This is only possible because of advertising during commercial breaks, billboards around the arenas, and product placement such as on player uniforms. Funds accumulated from such sponsorship not only allows the games to be broadcast free of charge but also enables team owners to maintain professional facilities and afford the salaries of the best players. If advertising were banned, owners would not be able to fund their team and players would eventually leave for wealthier leagues.
However, commodification also entails a reduction in focus on the actual sport. In the past, advertising was less obtrusive and might have consisted of a few commercials and signs in the background. Now, the announcers often work ads into their commentary and every highlight is accompanied by prominent logos on player jerseys. The effect aggregate is that audiences feel the games are only a means of advertising and they become indifferent the millionaire athletes and their multi-billionaire team owners. This has led many individuals, such as fans of English football, to sever connections to their childhood teams in order to support amateur community matches, which are not as commercialized.
In conclusion, despite the financial benefits of company sponsored sports events, the drawbacks related to the purity of the sport itself make this a negative trend. Owners and leagues must strike some balance but should prioritize a largely unadulterated product.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove incorrect article Original: a negative overall Suggested revision: negative overall Why it matters: The adjective phrase does not take an article after 'is'.
- 2. Clarify the causal link Original: due to de-emphasis of the sport itself Suggested revision: because it de-emphasises the sport itself Why it matters: A verb-based clause expresses the intended cause more naturally.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: argue its financial flexibility Suggested revision: point to the financial flexibility it provides Why it matters: People can argue for a position, but 'argue flexibility' is not idiomatic here.
- 4. Use concise phrasing Original: free of cost for viewers Suggested revision: free for viewers Why it matters: This is the more natural expression for broadcasts that viewers do not pay for.
- 5. Tighten the example Original: product placement such as on player uniforms Suggested revision: product placement on player uniforms Why it matters: Removing the awkward 'such as' construction makes the example clearer.
- 6. Fix subject agreement Original: allows Suggested revision: allow Why it matters: The plural subject 'Funds' requires the plural verb 'allow'.
- 7. Match plural owners Original: team Suggested revision: teams Why it matters: The plural noun 'owners' refers collectively to more than one team.
- 8. Use a direct phrase Original: a reduction in focus on Suggested revision: a reduced focus on Why it matters: The adjective phrase is more concise while preserving the meaning.
- 9. Correct word order Original: The effect aggregate Suggested revision: The aggregate effect Why it matters: 'Aggregate' must modify 'effect' before the noun.
- 10. Add required preposition Original: indifferent the millionaire athletes Suggested revision: indifferent to the millionaire athletes Why it matters: The adjective 'indifferent' requires 'to' before its object.
- 11. Use formal wording Original: work ads into their commentary Suggested revision: incorporate advertisements into their commentary Why it matters: The revision expresses the same point in a more formal academic register.
- 12. Use the fixed expression Original: some Suggested revision: a Why it matters: 'Strike a balance' is the standard idiomatic expression.
Suggested Rewrites
- a negative overall negative overall
- due to de-emphasis of the sport itself because it de-emphasises the sport itself
- argue its financial flexibility point to the financial flexibility it provides
- free of cost for viewers free for viewers
- product placement such as on player uniforms product placement on player uniforms
- allows allow
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear, consistent position and develops both the financial rationale for sponsorship and the concern about commercialization with convincing, specific support. Its main limitation is a small cluster of awkward collocations and grammar slips that slightly reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to proofread for natural word combinations and agreement while preserving the strong argument structure and sophisticated vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly addresses the question, sustains a clear negative position, and develops both the financial benefit and sporting harm with relevant support.
Strengthen the evaluation further by explaining more precisely how reduced sporting purity affects the long-term value of professional sport.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a well-controlled introduction, contrasting body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion, with cohesive devices used effectively.
Make the link between audience alienation and the shift toward amateur matches slightly more explicit to tighten the final body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of precise and less common vocabulary conveys the argument effectively, although several collocations and word combinations are awkward.
Check natural collocations and required prepositions, especially in phrases such as those describing the aggregate effect and audience indifference.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are generally accurate and fluent, with only occasional agreement, article, and preposition errors.
Proofread each complex sentence for subject-verb agreement and missing function words before finalizing the response.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Large companies use sports events to promote their products. Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.