Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at at least 7 years old. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
People have different views about whether children should start their formal education as early as possible or delay it until they are at least 7 years old. Personally, I believe an early commencement of study would be far more beneficial than a later start.
Firstly, starting school at a young age would generate a number of positive outcomes. Undeniably, the younger an individual is, the easier it is for them to acquire new knowledge and information. As a result, these children would have a head start over their peers pursuing higher education. Besides this, they would have opportunities to figure out their natural talents. Most Vietnamese children, for example, are sent to kindergarten at the age of 3 or 4 to learn some basic skills such as addition and subtraction. After a couple of months, those showing potential will be cared for by teachers with an aim to train them to become specialized students in the future.
However, several individuals advocate a later start to formal schooling due to a number of reasons. It is believed that commencing school at a later age will offer kids more time to learn many things via their parents at home. As a result, these children will become more mature and integrate more easily into the educational environment in the upcoming years. In addition, it might also be more beneficial for children to have a childhood in which they can cultivate their own skills and interests through normal activities at home.
To conclude, despite being safe with their parents at home, children would have fewer chances to engage in extracurricular activities which would equip them with vital soft skills including teamwork and communication skills. Not to mention, while not at school, many children tend to lead an unhealthy lifestyle as their free time is devoted to online games, which gradually isolate them from society. Therefore, I believe that it would be well-advised that parents send their children to school at an early age.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: an early commencement of study Suggested revision: starting school early Why it matters: This wording is more direct and natural for formal education.
- 2. Make wording concise Original: generate a number of positive outcomes Suggested revision: produce several benefits Why it matters: The replacement conveys the same idea more concisely.
- 3. Use precise verb Original: figure out their natural talents Suggested revision: discover their natural talents Why it matters: Discover is more precise and appropriately formal in this context.
- 4. Fix prepositional phrase Original: with an aim to train them Suggested revision: with the aim of training them Why it matters: The fixed expression is with the aim of followed by a gerund.
- 5. Use concise wording Original: due to a number of reasons Suggested revision: for several reasons Why it matters: This replacement is clearer and avoids unnecessary wording.
- 6. Keep register formal Original: offer kids more time Suggested revision: give children more time Why it matters: Children maintains the formal register used elsewhere in the essay.
- 7. Fix source preposition Original: via Suggested revision: from Why it matters: From correctly identifies the parents as the source of learning.
- 8. Use natural time phrase Original: in the upcoming years Suggested revision: in later years Why it matters: Later years is more natural for a general future stage of education.
- 9. Clarify activity type Original: normal Suggested revision: everyday Why it matters: Everyday more precisely describes ordinary home activities.
- 10. Use formal linker Original: Not to mention, Suggested revision: Moreover, Why it matters: Moreover is a complete and suitably formal additive transition.
- 11. Fix advice structure Original: would be well-advised that parents send Suggested revision: would be advisable for parents to send Why it matters: This is the correct impersonal structure after it would be.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: As a result, these children would have a head start over their peers pursuing higher education. Suggested revision: As a result, these children would have a head start over their peers when they pursue higher education. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the misplaced modifier that makes the peers appear to be pursuing higher education already.
Suggested Rewrites
- an early commencement of study starting school early
- generate a number of positive outcomes produce several benefits
- figure out their natural talents discover their natural talents
- with an aim to train them with the aim of training them
- due to a number of reasons for several reasons
- offer kids more time give children more time
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its clear position, balanced coverage of both views, and fluent progression through well-organized paragraphs. Its main limitation is that a few claims are only partly convincing, and the conclusion introduces substantial new support instead of primarily consolidating the discussion. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen the comparison between early and delayed schooling with more precise causal explanation and reserve the conclusion for synthesis.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer's preference is clear throughout, with relevant support that is generally well developed.
Clarify the causal link between starting young and later educational advantage, and develop the delayed-start case with equal analytical depth.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organized with clear paragraph purposes and generally smooth cohesion, though the conclusion carries new argumentative material.
Move the extracurricular and gaming points into a body paragraph so the conclusion can concisely synthesize the established case.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often precise, with effective academic expressions despite a few awkward or overly formal collocations.
Choose more natural formulations in places, replacing expressions such as “early commencement of study” with direct, idiomatic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled with strong accuracy, and the great majority of sentences are error-free.
Refine occasional heavy constructions and reference chains to make already accurate sentences more concise and effortless.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at at least 7 years old. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.