Some people think that formal education should start for children as early as possible, while others think that it should not start until 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
While some people are of the opinion that the optimum time for children to begin their formal education is as soon as possible, others disagree and believe that it should not commence until they are aged 7. Personally, I believe that later is better.
Those who argue for beginning earlier base this on several reasons. Firstly, they believe that the earlier a child starts to learn, the better their intelligence will be. This is because they will have a head-start over those starting later who will fall behind. Another reason is that children will learn to be competitive, independent, and motivated as they aim to get the best scores and to complete their homework on their own. These are strong arguments in a world which these days rewards the highest achievers with the best jobs.
Despite these arguments, I believe starting at age 7 is the right choice. This is due to the fact that over-burdening them with academic study and trying to beat others simply leads to stress. This is not a good situation for the very young, who should be encouraged to enjoy their lives not compete with their peers. Also focusing on play-based programmes at home or elsewhere develops cognitive abilities most effectively. For example, in countries such as Sweden and Finland children start formal education later and they have shown better schooling results than many other countries. Thus, there is clear evidence of its benefits.
In conclusion, I think that children should start school later because they can learn more through play-based activities than formal education. Formal education at an early age simply leads to stress and does not help children achieve higher grades long-term.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural age wording Original: aged 7 Suggested revision: seven years old Why it matters: This is the more natural expression for a child’s age in this sentence.
- 2. Correct the collocation Original: base this on several reasons Suggested revision: give several reasons for this Why it matters: Arguments are supported by reasons rather than based on several reasons.
- 3. Use precise wording Original: better their intelligence will be Suggested revision: greater their intellectual development will be Why it matters: “Greater intellectual development” is more precise than “better intelligence.”
- 4. Streamline the relative clause Original: world which these days rewards Suggested revision: world that rewards Why it matters: “That” fits the defining clause, and removing “these days” makes it more concise.
- 5. Use standard spelling Original: over-burdening Suggested revision: overburdening Why it matters: The standard spelling of this verb does not require a hyphen.
- 6. Complete the contrast Original: enjoy their lives not compete Suggested revision: enjoy their lives rather than compete Why it matters: “Rather than” correctly coordinates the two contrasting actions.
- 7. Punctuate the opener Original: Also focusing Suggested revision: Also, focusing Why it matters: The introductory linking word should be followed by a comma.
- 8. Close the introductory phrase Original: Finland children Suggested revision: Finland, children Why it matters: A comma is needed after the introductory country phrase.
- 9. Clarify the reference Original: evidence of its benefits Suggested revision: evidence of the benefits of starting later Why it matters: The replacement makes the referent of “its” explicit.
- 10. Complete the comparison Original: than formal education Suggested revision: than they can through formal education Why it matters: The comparison needs a matching clause for the formal-education alternative.
- 11. Use the adverbial phrase Original: higher grades long-term Suggested revision: higher grades in the long term Why it matters: “In the long term” is the correct adverbial expression.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: This is because they will have a head-start over those starting later who will fall behind. Suggested revision: This is because they will have a head start over children who begin later and may therefore fall behind. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the ambiguous relative clause and clarifies which children may fall behind.
Suggested Rewrites
- aged 7 seven years old
- base this on several reasons give several reasons for this
- better their intelligence will be greater their intellectual development will be
- world which these days rewards world that rewards
- over-burdening overburdening
- enjoy their lives not compete enjoy their lives rather than compete
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response clearly discusses both positions, maintains a firm personal view, and develops the case for later schooling with relevant explanation and comparison. The opposing view is somewhat less critically developed, while a few awkward or compressed constructions reduce linguistic polish; the main improvement is to deepen the reasoning for early education and edit minor clause-linking and collocation issues.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's opinion are addressed clearly, with relevant reasons and support throughout.
Develop the early-education case with a more specific explanation or example to match the depth of the preferred view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organised, and the progression between contrasting positions is easy to follow.
Use slightly less demonstrative referencing so links such as 'This' and 'Thus' identify their antecedents more precisely.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and appropriately academic, with only occasional awkward combinations.
Refine phrases such as 'better schooling results' and 'achieve higher grades long-term' for more natural precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are used flexibly and accurately, although a few minor clause and coordination lapses remain.
Edit constructions such as 'a world which' and 'enjoy their lives not compete' to ensure complete, precise clause linking.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that formal education should start for children as early as possible, while others think that it should not start until 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.