Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at least 7 years old. Discuss both views give your opinion.
Sample Response
There has been recent debate surrounding the age at which children should begin formal education: while some people argue that children should start as early as 7 years old, others believe they should begin even earlier. I personally contend that although starting early might be economically beneficial for the family in the short run, it might ultimately be a futile endeavour as the children would be unable to absorb the information in the long run.
One could argue that by starting children on their path of formal education sooner may help support parents financially. Parents often struggle to arrange babysitters and have to resort to expensive daycares that are of no real benefit to them or their children, and if schooling started earlier, this would be a financial stress they would not have to cope with. Primary education in many Western countries, for example, is free for this reason: it allows parents to save money to spend on other things for their family.
However, as children are still in the early developmental stages for the first few years of their lives, they would undoubtedly lack the abilities to understand the things taught to them to a sufficient degree. More specifically, since children may not be capable of recalling their lessons, time and money spent on them would simply be wasted. Most adults today, for example, will find it almost impossible to recall what they have learnt in primary school. It could be argued that these early years of a children’s life should instead be spent being emotionally bonded with the parents instead of being taught skills they would forget later on anyway.
Ultimately, I argue that despite short term economic benefits to the family, the inability of young children to learn what is presented to them means that they should not start education at too early of an age.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a general plural Original: beneficial for the family Suggested revision: beneficial for families Why it matters: The plural form fits a general claim about families more naturally.
- 2. Improve the collocation Original: arrange Suggested revision: find Why it matters: People normally find or hire babysitters rather than arrange them.
- 3. Use concise wording Original: are of no real benefit Suggested revision: offer little benefit Why it matters: This replacement states the same claim more directly and naturally.
- 4. Be more precise Original: other things for their family Suggested revision: other family needs Why it matters: The revision removes the vague noun things while preserving the intended meaning.
- 5. Use singular ability Original: abilities Suggested revision: ability Why it matters: Ability is uncountable here because it refers generally to children's capacity to understand.
- 6. Use concise phrasing Original: the things taught to them Suggested revision: what they are taught Why it matters: This is a more natural and concise way to refer to lesson content.
- 7. Choose a concise adverb Original: to a sufficient degree Suggested revision: adequately Why it matters: The single adverb conveys the same degree of understanding more directly.
- 8. Clarify the reference Original: time and money spent on them Suggested revision: time and money invested in their education Why it matters: The revision specifies what the resources are being spent on.
- 9. Use standard phrasing Original: at too early of an age Suggested revision: at too early an age Why it matters: This is the more standard form of the age expression in formal writing.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: One could argue that by starting children on their path of formal education sooner may help support parents financially. Suggested revision: One could argue that starting children's formal education sooner may help reduce the financial burden on parents. Why it matters: The original combines by starting with may help, leaving the sentence without a grammatically clear subject.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: It could be argued that these early years of a children’s life should instead be spent being emotionally bonded with the parents instead of being taught skills they would forget later on anyway. Suggested revision: It could be argued that children should spend these early years bonding emotionally with their parents rather than learning skills they may later forget. Why it matters: The revision corrects the possessive error and removes the awkward repeated instead of structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- beneficial for the family beneficial for families
- arrange find
- are of no real benefit offer little benefit
- other things for their family other family needs
- abilities ability
- the things taught to them what they are taught
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response takes a clear position and develops two relevant sides with well-selected explanations, while its language is generally varied and controlled. The main weakness is that the contrast between beginning very early and waiting until at least seven is sometimes blurred, especially when the financial argument is framed simply as starting sooner. Make each body paragraph explicitly defend one stated age option and support the comparison with more precise evidence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a consistent opinion are presented and developed, although the distinction between the two proposed starting ages is not always explicit.
Frame each body paragraph around one exact age option and explain directly why that timing is preferable.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion, with generally natural linking.
Tighten a few long sentences so that the relationship between claims, examples, and conclusions is immediately clear.
Lexical Resource
A broad and precise vocabulary supports the argument effectively, with only occasional awkward collocations or word forms.
Refine phrases such as references to financial stress and emotional bonding to make the wording consistently natural.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately overall, despite a few noticeable construction and agreement errors.
Edit faulty patterns such as combining 'by starting' with 'may help' and check singular possessive forms carefully.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at least 7 years old. Discuss both views give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.