In some societies, it is increasingly common to try to achieve good health and fitness through physically demanding sports, special diets, or preventative medicine conventional or alternative. Some people, however, believe that the best way to stay fit and healthy is simply to lead a normal life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
There is a famous saying 'health is wealth', and admittedly, good health leads to personal satisfaction, career success and not to mention a healthy mind. With increasing awareness about health issues, people are now concerned about their fitness and focus on various diet plans, exercise and medical checkups to remain fit. However, some believe that the recipe for a healthy life is just to live a normal life. I personally believe that we need a balanced diet, regular exercise and periodic medical checkups to have a truly sound mind and body.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Reduce repetition Original: is just to live a normal life Suggested revision: is simply to live normally Why it matters: This revision avoids repeating “life” while preserving the original claim.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: sound Suggested revision: healthy Why it matters: “Healthy mind and body” is the more natural collocation in this context.
- 3. Sentence rewrite Original: There is a famous saying 'health is wealth', and admittedly, good health leads to personal satisfaction, career success and not to mention a healthy mind. Suggested revision: There is a famous saying, 'Health is wealth,' and good health admittedly leads to personal satisfaction, career success, and a healthy mind. Why it matters: The rewrite repairs the faulty coordination created by “and not to mention” and makes the list parallel.
- 4. Sentence rewrite Original: With increasing awareness about health issues, people are now concerned about their fitness and focus on various diet plans, exercise and medical checkups to remain fit. Suggested revision: With increasing awareness of health issues, people are now concerned about their fitness and follow various diet plans, exercise regularly, and undergo medical checkups to remain fit. Why it matters: The rewrite gives each health activity a suitable verb and creates a parallel list.
Suggested Rewrites
- is just to live a normal life is simply to live normally
- sound healthy
- There is a famous saying 'health is wealth', and admittedly, good health leads to personal satisfaction, career success and not to mention a healthy mind. There is a famous saying, 'Health is wealth,' and good health admittedly leads to personal satisfaction, career success, and a healthy mind.
- With increasing awareness about health issues, people are now concerned about their fitness and focus on various diet plans, exercise and medical checkups to remain fit. With increasing awareness of health issues, people are now concerned about their fitness and follow various diet plans, exercise regularly, and undergo medical checkups to remain fit.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response communicates a clear position and uses generally accurate, suitably varied language in its brief introduction. Its central limitation is that it is only 91 words and provides no developed argument, supporting explanation, or examples. The highest priority is to build two focused body paragraphs that explain why balanced habits are preferable to simply leading a normal life and support each reason concretely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A relevant and clear position is presented, but the response is far below the required length and contains no developed supporting ideas.
Develop the position through two distinct reasons, each explained and supported with a specific example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The short response moves logically from background to position, although it remains a single introductory paragraph with very limited progression.
Organise the essay into an introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with each paragraph advancing one main idea.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally appropriate and includes some effective health-related phrasing, despite occasional awkward expression.
Use more precise collocations and extend the lexical range through fully developed explanations rather than lists of health measures.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences is handled with generally good control, with only minor punctuation and phrasing problems.
Maintain this accuracy across a full-length essay while checking coordination and punctuation in longer sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some societies, it is increasingly common to try to achieve good health and fitness through physically demanding sports, special diets, or preventative medicine conventional or alternative. Some people, however, believe that the best way to stay fit and healthy is simply to lead a normal life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.