Everyone should stay in school until they reach the age of 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Education is a major concern in most countries, which determines young people’s life prospects and the whole social development. While some educationalists suppose all young people aged under 18 should receive school education, I can hardly approve of this opinion.
Admittedly, achieving universal school education among all under-18 youngsters, to some extent, exerts a positive impact on both the students and the whole society. For one thing, school education provides chances for the young generation to become adequate for future practical work, after being systematically equipped with sufficient knowledge and skills in a learning community. For another, it is more literate young people in the society that help to guarantee the social stability, since juvenile delinquency is largely caused by idle adolescents, who have been out of school from an early age. After all, the youngsters who have received school education are the driving force for social progress.
However, not all young people should be forced to attend school education until 18 years old. Some students are not academically capable and they are eager to get rid of boring school curricula as early as possible to pursue their own dreams in other fields. In other words, school education may deprive them of the basic rights to realize self-development, which may even lead to rebellion and strong aversion. Furthermore, the financial burden is another obstacle which cannot be ignored. Paying tuition fees for at least 18-year-period education is not affordable for all young individuals and their families. Therefore, taking the economic conditions into consideration, the youth from disadvantaged families are more willing to be engaged in the work earlier, rather than continue a longer period of high-level school education.
In conclusion, the original intention of mandatory school education before adulthood is definitely beneficial to the young generation and the society, but the policy implementation must take the feasibility into account, to guarantee the ultimate effect.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a reporting verb Original: educationalists suppose Suggested revision: educationalists argue that Why it matters: Argue that accurately introduces a position, whereas suppose is unnatural in this construction.
- 2. Use natural wording Original: should receive school education Suggested revision: should remain in school Why it matters: Remain in school expresses compulsory attendance more directly and idiomatically.
- 3. State disagreement clearly Original: I can hardly approve of this opinion Suggested revision: I largely disagree with this view Why it matters: The revision expresses the same position in a clearer academic register.
- 4. Correct the preposition Original: among all under-18 youngsters Suggested revision: for all people under 18 Why it matters: Education is provided for or to people, and people is more appropriate than youngsters here.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: exerts Suggested revision: has Why it matters: Has a positive impact is the standard collocation in this context.
- 6. Improve article use Original: both the students and the whole society Suggested revision: both students and society as a whole Why it matters: The generic plural and uncountable noun do not need definite articles here.
- 7. Use an accurate linker Original: After all, Suggested revision: More broadly, Why it matters: More broadly signals a wider concluding point more accurately than after all.
- 8. Use concise wording Original: the youngsters who have received school education Suggested revision: young people who have attended school Why it matters: The revision is more concise and uses a natural verb for participation in schooling.
- 9. Use the correct article Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: The claim identifies one important force rather than a uniquely established single force.
- 10. Correct the collocation Original: attend school education Suggested revision: attend school Why it matters: English uses attend school rather than attend school education.
- 11. Correct the age phrase Original: until 18 years old Suggested revision: until the age of 18 Why it matters: Until the age of 18 is the correct construction for this age limit.
- 12. Use precise wording Original: they are eager to get rid of boring school curricula Suggested revision: they are eager to leave school because they find the curriculum unengaging Why it matters: The revision preserves the reason while avoiding the informal and inaccurate phrase get rid of curricula.
Suggested Rewrites
- educationalists suppose educationalists argue that
- should receive school education should remain in school
- I can hardly approve of this opinion I largely disagree with this view
- among all under-18 youngsters for all people under 18
- exerts has
- both the students and the whole society both students and society as a whole
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is strongest in its clear paragraph structure and substantial attempt to examine both the social benefits of schooling and reasons for allowing exceptions. Its main limitation is that the stated disagreement becomes qualified and less decisive in the conclusion, while the tuition argument also confuses remaining in school until 18 with paying for eighteen years of education; the priority is to clarify the exact position and support it with logically accurate reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the issue and develops both perspectives, but its degree of disagreement is not fully consistent and one major example is logically flawed.
State precisely which students should be exempt and replace the eighteen-year tuition claim with an accurate, relevant affordability argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear overall progression, focused paragraphs, and generally effective signposting despite somewhat formulaic linking.
Use more implicit connections between ideas and ensure the conclusion resolves the position established in the introduction.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of topic vocabulary, but recurring awkward collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace expressions such as become adequate for work and attend school education with natural, context-specific collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is attempted successfully, though recurring problems with phrasing, complementation, and modifier forms remain noticeable.
Improve control of age expressions, parallel verb patterns, and noun modifiers, especially in longer sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Everyone should stay in school until they reach the age of 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.