Everyone should stay in school until the age of eighteen. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Education is essential to be able to live meaningfully. That is a general notion. A person who is in school till eighteen would have finished his basic education. It should be compulsory for all youngsters as it is beneficial for them; however, if there is an interest in non-academic education such as in sports or fine arts, that should be encouraged. Staying in school till eighteen does not necessarily mean they will be successful in their lives. In many countries, it is the norm that young people go to school till eighteen, and dropouts would have problems finding a career. In ancient cultures like in India, getting educated did not always mean attending school; it meant learning essential skills for life and then choosing to specialize in any field.
While most students who study until eighteen are more or less sure of a fair chance at beginning their career, the dropouts would often find it difficult. Getting a school certificate can mean the difference between a manual hard-working type of life or an easier, more comfortable life. In developing countries, it is necessary that all children and young people stay in school till they finish basic school education and being ready for university. It can change a country’s fortune. In the case of the Philippines and India, there is a direct benefit of mass education; it lifts the population out of poverty. Not staying in school till eighteen or completing high school could mean disaster for any country. It is clear that to be educated is the most desirable easy path to a fairly comfortable beginning.
On the other hand, It is worth noticing that many successful entrepreneurs are school dropouts, and they employ thousands of school graduates. That is the irony; some of the biggest corporations in the world were started by so-called less educated folk.
To conclude, one must follow one heart when it comes to the direction of their lives, and that includes education; if the choice is to be the proverbial sheep, then staying in school till eighteen is a must but not a guarantee of success.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use consistent pronoun Original: his Suggested revision: their Why it matters: Singular 'they' avoids an unnecessary gender assumption and remains consistent with general reference.
- 2. Name the interested person Original: if there is an interest in Suggested revision: if a student is interested in Why it matters: Interest belongs to a person, so the impersonal construction is unclear.
- 3. Remove extra preposition Original: such as in sports Suggested revision: such as sports Why it matters: The preposition 'in' is unnecessary after 'such as'.
- 4. Use precise comparison Original: In ancient cultures like in India Suggested revision: In ancient India Why it matters: The original construction treats a country as a culture and repeats the comparison preposition awkwardly.
- 5. Remove unnecessary article Original: the dropouts would often find it difficult Suggested revision: dropouts would often find it difficult Why it matters: The plural noun refers to dropouts generally, so no definite article is needed.
- 6. Correct preposition and number Original: a fair chance at beginning their career Suggested revision: a fair chance of beginning their careers Why it matters: 'Chance of' is the correct pattern, and the plural possessive reference requires 'careers'.
- 7. Fix parallel structure Original: being Suggested revision: are Why it matters: The coordinated verbs must match 'stay' grammatically.
- 8. Clarify the reference Original: It can change a country’s fortune Suggested revision: Universal education can change a country’s fortune Why it matters: Naming the subject removes the unclear reference of 'It'.
- 9. Use concise location phrase Original: In the case of the Philippines and India Suggested revision: In the Philippines and India Why it matters: The shorter prepositional phrase expresses the location directly.
- 10. Use a direct subject Original: there is a direct benefit of mass education Suggested revision: mass education has a direct benefit Why it matters: Making 'mass education' the subject creates a clearer clause before the semicolon.
- 11. Avoid stacked adjectives Original: the most desirable easy path Suggested revision: the most reliable path Why it matters: The original adjective combination is unnatural and imprecise.
- 12. Use natural collocation Original: fairly comfortable beginning Suggested revision: relatively comfortable start Why it matters: 'Comfortable start' is the more natural collocation for an early career stage.
Suggested Rewrites
- his their
- if there is an interest in if a student is interested in
- such as in sports such as sports
- In ancient cultures like in India In ancient India
- the dropouts would often find it difficult dropouts would often find it difficult
- a fair chance at beginning their career a fair chance of beginning their careers
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response offers relevant reasons for continued schooling and uses examples from developing countries to support its discussion. Its main weakness is an unstable position: the introduction broadly supports compulsory schooling with exceptions, while the conclusion shifts toward personal choice and uses a dismissive metaphor, leaving the final stance unclear. The highest priority is to state one qualified position and ensure every paragraph, especially the conclusion, consistently supports it.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant arguments are presented, but the qualified position changes in emphasis and is unclear in the conclusion.
State a precise degree of agreement and restate that same position directly at the end.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas generally progress logically across paragraphs, although the opening paragraph carries too many distinct points.
Give each paragraph one clear purpose and reserve detailed supporting arguments for the body paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably broad vocabulary, but several choices are imprecise, overly informal, or awkward.
Choose neutral academic wording and avoid figurative labels that obscure the intended position.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are generally controlled, with occasional errors in parallelism, possessives, and sentence formation.
Proofread complex sentences for complete parallel structures and accurate possessive forms before finalising the essay.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Everyone should stay in school until the age of eighteen. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.