Some people think that strict punishments for driving offenses are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
It is irrefutable that road accidents are increasing enormously with the rise in automobiles and congestion. It is typically believed to be reduced only by imposing capital punishments on citizens who do not follow accurate traffic regulations. In contrast, the other school of thought claims that various other protocols can be practiced for a secure commute. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I will elucidate both viewpoints from a unique perspective along with my certitude to the former stance with credible illustrations.
Scrutinizing the given assertion and elaborating further, some individuals think it is obligatory to enforce severe charges against people who violate traffic norms. In certain circumstances, commuters lose their lives when involved in such unprecedented situations, and it is colossal damage. To cite an illustration, if a person consumes alcohol knowingly or unknowingly and drives, there are substantial chances of an accident. It is hazardous not only to the particular individual but also to other passengers. Similarly, if an individual exceeds the speed limit while driving, as they might be in a hurry to reach the destination, they would lose control, eventually leading to accidents. It is dangerous to everyone traveling nearby. Therefore, it is pivotal for the government to impose strict punishments who violate traffic rules as other travelers’ lives are in jeopardy.
Various efficient measures can be implemented rather than punishing people. Citizens should be educated regarding traffic norms and regulations in their educational institutes or workplaces. The local authorities can organize campaigns to raise awareness in order to follow the rules while driving and the difficult circumstances involved if not followed correctly. Furthermore, the government should employ supervisors and ensure that driving licenses are issued accurately. To exemplify, it must be provided to citizens only if they are above 21 years and teenagers or young adults must be forbidden. Hence, multiple methods can be followed rather than imposing capital punishment.
Taking everything into consideration, although there are a plethora of measures that can be adapted in terms of raising awareness, education, and distribution of licenses if a person loses their life, then there is no going back. Thus it is critical to impose severe punishments who violate the fundamental norms to improve safety on roads.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural intensity Original: increasing enormously Suggested revision: rising sharply Why it matters: Rising sharply is a natural formal collocation for a rapid increase.
- 2. Clarify quantity Original: with the rise in automobiles Suggested revision: as the number of vehicles increases Why it matters: The revision refers clearly to the growing number of vehicles rather than a rise in objects themselves.
- 3. Correct collocation Original: protocols can be practiced Suggested revision: measures can be implemented Why it matters: Measures are implemented, whereas protocols are followed rather than practised in this context.
- 4. Match road-safety context Original: for a secure commute Suggested revision: to improve road safety Why it matters: The replacement states the intended outcome directly and naturally.
- 5. Use direct transition Original: Scrutinizing the given assertion and elaborating further Suggested revision: Considering the first view Why it matters: The revision signals the paragraph's function without an inflated introductory phrase.
- 6. Correct penalty phrase Original: enforce severe charges against Suggested revision: impose severe penalties on Why it matters: Penalties are imposed on offenders, while charges has a different legal meaning here.
- 7. Use accurate description Original: unprecedented situations Suggested revision: dangerous incidents Why it matters: Unprecedented means never experienced before and does not accurately describe traffic accidents here.
- 8. Repair reference Original: it is colossal damage Suggested revision: this represents a devastating loss Why it matters: The revision supplies a clear subject reference and a countable noun suited to loss of life.
- 9. Remove illogical qualifier Original: knowingly or unknowingly Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This qualifier distracts from the stated act of drinking before driving and weakens the example.
- 10. Fix risk expression Original: there are substantial chances of an accident Suggested revision: there is a substantial risk of an accident Why it matters: Risk is the natural singular noun for the possibility of an accident.
- 11. Name the person Original: the particular individual Suggested revision: the driver Why it matters: The driver is more precise and avoids unnecessary abstraction.
- 12. Match possibility Original: would Suggested revision: may Why it matters: May correctly expresses a possible consequence in this real situation.
Suggested Rewrites
- increasing enormously rising sharply
- with the rise in automobiles as the number of vehicles increases
- protocols can be practiced measures can be implemented
- for a secure commute to improve road safety
- Scrutinizing the given assertion and elaborating further Considering the first view
- enforce severe charges against impose severe penalties on
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response addresses both perspectives, maintains a clear preference for strict punishment, and organises the discussion into a logical sequence. Its main limitation is the frequent use of inaccurate or exaggerated vocabulary, especially references to capital punishment, which weakens the precision of otherwise relevant ideas. The highest-priority improvement is to use straightforward, exact terms and explain more clearly why particular penalties would prevent accidents better than education or licensing measures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are discussed and a consistent opinion is given, although the case for punishment is not fully compared with the alternative measures.
Directly compare the likely effectiveness of proportionate penalties with education, enforcement, and licensing before confirming the preferred approach.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure supports clear progression, though some formulaic signposting and loosely connected sentences make the argument feel mechanical.
Replace stock introductory phrases with precise topic sentences that state each paragraph’s central claim and its relation to the thesis.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a broad vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision and occasionally distort the intended meaning.
Prioritise accurate terms such as “severe penalties” and “road-safety measures” instead of forced expressions such as “capital punishments” or “protocols can be practiced.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is attempted successfully, but recurring article, preposition, agreement, and clause-control errors remain noticeable.
Review complex sentences for complete clause structure and correct noun modification, especially constructions involving who receives punishment or licences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that strict punishments for driving offenses are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.