The only way to improve road safety is to give much stricter punishments on driving offences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Road accidents have always been a significant matter of concern, so much so that there is an idea that says the problem can only be solved by punishing driving offenders very strictly. However, I do not think this is the only solution, although it could be somewhat effective.
On the one hand, it could be helpful to apply serious penalties to reduce the risk of traffic accidents. Theoretically, this not only can prevent lawbreakers from driving thoughtlessly again but also can warn other people against doing that. For example, since 2019, when Vietnam laid down strict legislation on alcohol consumption control, the number of crashes caused by drunkenness has decreased. According to this law, drivers will receive a fine of at least 85 USD for motorcycles and 255 USD for cars if their blood or breath contains alcohol, besides having their driving licence confiscated.
On the other hand, the above-mentioned solution is not always successful, hence an alternate measure should be proposed. Research conducted in Queensland, Australia, in 2019 shows that traffic infringements did not decrease despite the imposition of serious penalties, suggesting that people’s aggressive driving habits were not successfully deterred. Therefore, another measure is needed, and from my perspective, we ought to think about banning private vehicles, at least in a number of areas. This not only contributes to the reduction of road accident risks but also helps to ease environmental problems.
In brief, imposing strict punishments on driving offences could be helpful, but only to a certain extent. Since this method cannot defeat reckless driving, another proposal ought to be made, such as prohibiting personal vehicles.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: a significant matter of concern Suggested revision: a significant concern Why it matters: The shorter collocation expresses the same idea more naturally.
- 2. Use direct attribution Original: there is an idea that says Suggested revision: some people argue that Why it matters: This replacement states the viewpoint directly and avoids wordiness.
- 3. Choose natural collocation Original: driving Suggested revision: traffic Why it matters: “Traffic offenders” is the more natural term for people who break driving laws.
- 4. Improve penalty collocation Original: apply serious penalties Suggested revision: impose severe penalties Why it matters: Penalties are normally “imposed,” and “severe” fits this legal context precisely.
- 5. Use precise adverb Original: thoughtlessly Suggested revision: recklessly Why it matters: “Recklessly” precisely describes dangerous driving behaviour.
- 6. Use precise wording Original: warn other people against doing that Suggested revision: deter others from doing so Why it matters: “Deter” expresses the intended preventive effect more accurately.
- 7. Clarify legal measure Original: laid down strict legislation on alcohol consumption control Suggested revision: introduced strict drink-driving laws Why it matters: This wording is more concise and clearly connects the law to road safety.
- 8. Use formal phrasing Original: crashes caused by drunkenness Suggested revision: alcohol-related crashes Why it matters: The replacement is a more precise and formal description of these crashes.
- 9. Fix comma splice Original: successful, hence Suggested revision: successful; hence Why it matters: A semicolon is needed because “hence” links two independent clauses.
- 10. Correct verb relationship Original: aggressive driving habits were not successfully deterred Suggested revision: aggressive driving was not successfully deterred Why it matters: People or behaviour can be deterred, whereas habits are not naturally described this way here.
- 11. Improve noun phrase Original: road accident risks Suggested revision: the risk of road accidents Why it matters: This is the more natural way to express the intended risk.
- 12. Choose precise verb Original: defeat Suggested revision: eliminate Why it matters: “Eliminate” collocates naturally with a harmful practice such as reckless driving.
Suggested Rewrites
- a significant matter of concern a significant concern
- there is an idea that says some people argue that
- driving traffic
- apply serious penalties impose severe penalties
- thoughtlessly recklessly
- warn other people against doing that deter others from doing so
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, consistent position, supported by relevant examples showing both the potential and the limits of stricter penalties. Its main limitation is that the proposed alternative of banning private vehicles is asserted more than fully developed and is somewhat broader than the safety issue. The highest-priority improvement is to explain how a realistic complementary measure would reduce accidents and link it more directly to the central argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly addresses the claim, maintains a clear partial-disagreement position, and develops both punishment and an alternative with relevant support.
Develop the alternative measure more fully by explaining its practical scope and its direct effect on road safety.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion, with generally effective linking.
Use less formulaic transitions and make the shift from the limits of punishment to the alternative measure more organically connected.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently wide vocabulary conveys the argument precisely overall, although several collocations such as “defeat reckless driving” sound unnatural.
Refine collocational accuracy by choosing natural combinations such as “deter reckless driving” and “traffic offenders.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with generally strong control, and the few awkward constructions do not impede meaning.
Improve word order and clause punctuation in structures such as “not only can prevent” and sentences joined with “hence.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The only way to improve road safety is to give much stricter punishments on driving offences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.