You should complete the task within 40 minutes. Many problems in schools are aroused by the attitudes of students. Where do these problems come from? What should we do to change the situation?
Sample Response
School violence becomes very protrusive in many countries, most of which are caused by the attitudes of students. Some governments and the authorities show great concerns about the problems. From my point of view, these problems are aroused by three factors, the development of society, the influence of family and media and the weakness of school education. The rapid development of the society offers more opportunities for the young students to contact the outside world. Due to the lack of social experience, some youngsters are not capable of distinguishing right from wrong. Curiosity drives them into imitating what they see on TV or from the people around them. Therefore, it is easy for them to be addicted to alcohol, smoking and drugs. Some students even smoke and take drugs at school. Family violence is another major factor causing problems in schools. Family violence hurt children both physically and psychologically. Physically, family violence will hurt their tender body because children are still in the stage of development. Psychologically, physical punishment will hurt children's self-confidence and make them have a tendency of violence. Recently, school gunshots hit the headlines frequently, which should partly be attributed to the family violence. Finally, the weakness of school education is another factor causing school problems. Some schools only stress students' achievements in their study, neglecting their moral education. Therefore, even some top students are apt to stride on the criminal road. To solve these problems, I think we should take the following measures. Firstly, schools should strengthen students' moral education, giving them correct directions and cultivating their ability to tell right from wrong. Secondly, parents should spare some time to communicate with their children, resolving difficulties and troubles for them timely. If the school and family can join hands in solving these problems, I think the students will develop healthily and the environment in schools will become much clearer.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct word choice Original: becomes very protrusive Suggested revision: has become very prominent Why it matters: Protrusive does not naturally describe the visibility of a social problem.
- 2. Repair faulty reference Original: most of which are caused by the attitudes of students Suggested revision: and much of it is attributed to students' attitudes Why it matters: Which incorrectly refers to countries rather than school violence in the original sentence.
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: the authorities Suggested revision: authorities Why it matters: Authorities is used generically here and does not require the.
- 4. Use uncountable concern Original: great concerns Suggested revision: great concern Why it matters: Concern is uncountable in the expression show concern about something.
- 5. Use correct cause verb Original: are aroused by Suggested revision: arise from Why it matters: Problems arise from causes; they are not aroused by them in this context.
- 6. Introduce the list clearly Original: three factors, Suggested revision: three factors: Why it matters: A colon correctly introduces the three factors that follow.
- 7. Clarify generic nouns Original: the influence of family and media Suggested revision: the influence of families and the media Why it matters: The plural families and the fixed expression the media are required for the general reference.
- 8. Remove unnecessary article Original: the society Suggested revision: society Why it matters: Society is used as a general uncountable concept here.
- 9. Remove unnecessary article Original: the young students Suggested revision: young students Why it matters: The sentence refers to young students generally, so the is unnecessary.
- 10. Use natural interaction wording Original: contact the outside world Suggested revision: engage with the wider world Why it matters: Engage with more naturally describes interaction beyond school and family.
- 11. Use correct verb pattern Original: drives them into imitating Suggested revision: drives them to imitate Why it matters: Drive someone is followed by a to-infinitive for this meaning.
- 12. Make the list parallel Original: addicted to alcohol, smoking and drugs Suggested revision: addicted to alcohol, cigarettes and drugs Why it matters: The replacement makes all three items substances rather than mixing a behaviour with substances.
Suggested Rewrites
- becomes very protrusive has become very prominent
- most of which are caused by the attitudes of students and much of it is attributed to students' attitudes
- the authorities authorities
- great concerns great concern
- are aroused by arise from
- three factors, three factors:
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear identification and explanation of several plausible causes, followed by relevant measures involving schools and parents. Its main limitation is uneven development: the discussion narrows the broad issue to school violence, while the proposed solutions are brief and do not fully address every cause raised. Prioritise developing each remedy with a specific explanation of how it would change students’ attitudes and reduce the identified problems.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both causes and remedies, with several relevant causes explained, although the solutions are less fully developed and the broad problem is largely narrowed to violence.
Develop each proposed measure and link it directly to every major cause, rather than treating school violence as the whole issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas progress clearly from causes to solutions and signposting is generally effective, but the single unbroken paragraph weakens logical grouping and some links feel mechanical.
Divide the response into purposeful paragraphs for distinct causes, solutions, and the conclusion, while using cohesive devices more selectively.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficiently varied to discuss social, family, and educational causes, but frequent awkward collocations and imprecise choices reduce naturalness and precision.
Replace unnatural phrases such as “protrusive,” “tender body,” and “stride on the criminal road” with precise, conventional academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of simple and complex structures, but recurring errors with agreement, articles, plurals, and clause construction prevent consistently accurate control.
Edit systematically for subject–verb agreement and article use, then simplify complex sentences whose structure is not fully controlled.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
You should complete the task within 40 minutes. Many problems in schools are aroused by the attitudes of students. Where do these problems come from? What should we do to change the situation?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.