What are the impacts of student debt on individuals and society, and how can these impacts be mitigated?
Sample Response
Student debt is a significant concern for many individuals and has far-reaching impacts on society. This essay will discuss the effects of student debt and propose potential solutions to alleviate these impacts.
The burden of student debt can have profound effects on individuals and society. For individuals, the need to repay a loan can lead to financial stress and delay life milestones such as home ownership. On a societal level, high levels of student debt can exacerbate wealth inequality and limit economic mobility. Moreover, if many individuals default on a loan, it can have detrimental effects on the economy.
There are several ways to mitigate the impacts of student debt. Firstly, increasing financial aid and lowering tuition fees could reduce the need for students to accumulate debt. Secondly, implementing more loan forgiveness programs could alleviate the financial burden on graduates. Finally, if governments were to invest more in higher education, it could lead to a more educated workforce and contribute to economic growth.
In conclusion, while student debt can have serious impacts on individuals and society, there are potential solutions to these issues. By increasing financial aid, lowering tuition fees, and implementing loan forgiveness programs, the burden of student debt could be significantly reduced.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Vary repeated vocabulary Original: impacts Suggested revision: effects Why it matters: 'Effects' avoids repeating 'impacts' throughout the response.
- 2. Remove redundancy Original: propose potential solutions Suggested revision: propose solutions Why it matters: A proposed solution is already potential, so the extra modifier is unnecessary.
- 3. Match plural reference Original: repay a loan Suggested revision: repay their loans Why it matters: The possessive and plural noun agree clearly with the preceding plural 'individuals'.
- 4. Sharpen the phrase Original: delay life milestones Suggested revision: delay major life milestones Why it matters: 'Major' more precisely signals the importance of events such as home ownership.
- 5. Match plural reference Original: default on a loan Suggested revision: default on their loans Why it matters: The plural possessive construction agrees with 'many individuals'.
- 6. Use concise wording Original: detrimental effects on the economy Suggested revision: harm the economy Why it matters: The direct verb expresses the same idea more concisely.
- 7. Improve policy phrasing Original: implementing more loan forgiveness programs Suggested revision: expanding loan-forgiveness programmes Why it matters: 'Expanding' is a more precise verb for increasing the availability of existing programmes.
- 8. Vary repeated wording Original: impacts Suggested revision: effects Why it matters: 'Effects' reduces repeated use of 'impacts' without changing the claim.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: The burden of student debt can have profound effects on individuals and society. Suggested revision: Student debt can profoundly affect both individuals and society. Why it matters: The direct verb makes this topic sentence more concise and forceful.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Finally, if governments were to invest more in higher education, it could lead to a more educated workforce and contribute to economic growth. Suggested revision: Finally, greater government investment in higher education could produce a more educated workforce and contribute to economic growth. Why it matters: The noun phrase removes the vague pronoun reference and streamlines the conditional structure.
- 11. Group solution types Suggested revision: Present the two direct debt-relief measures together before moving to the broader education-investment measure, making the progression between solution types explicit. Why it matters: A clearer grouping would strengthen the logical sequence within the solutions paragraph.
Suggested Rewrites
- impacts effects
- propose potential solutions propose solutions
- repay a loan repay their loans
- delay life milestones delay major life milestones
- default on a loan default on their loans
- detrimental effects on the economy harm the economy
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is exceptionally clear and well controlled, presenting relevant effects on both individuals and society alongside several practical remedies. Its main limitation is brevity: at 204 words, the ideas are asserted efficiently but receive little detailed explanation or evidence, especially the wider economic effects and how each policy would work. The highest priority is to develop two or three key points with specific causal reasoning and examples while meeting the minimum length.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
All parts of the question are answered directly, but the under-length response develops its effects and solutions only briefly.
Reach the required length by explaining the mechanisms and likely outcomes of the strongest impacts and remedies in greater depth.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically sequenced in focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader clearly despite some list-like progression.
Create stronger links between each problem and its corresponding solution rather than presenting the remedies mainly as a numbered list.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and appropriate to the topic, with effective phrases for financial and societal consequences.
Broaden the lexical detail used to explain policy implementation and economic effects while retaining the current precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex and conditional structures is used accurately, with consistently clear and well-controlled sentences.
Sustain this grammatical control in a longer response while varying sentence openings and clause patterns further.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
What are the impacts of student debt on individuals and society, and how can these impacts be mitigated?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.