Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem?
Sample Response
Nowadays, it is becoming increasingly more common for students to not be able to pay attention during class. This problem may be due to several factors which will be outlined in the following essay along with some possible measures to counter the issue.
The lack of attention by students during class could stem from several reasons. To begin with, many students may find school lessons tedious and irrelevant to their life. For example, when studying science subjects, many students in Vietnam have to memorize huge amounts of information and complex formulas in order to perform well in the standardized tests, which can have a negative impact on their interest in science. Furthermore, the lack of attention paid by students could come from long-term sleep deprivation, which can be the result of a heavy workload combined with the lure of electronic devices and social media. Many children spend too much time finishing their homework and assignments and browsing social media platforms instead of going to bed early to get enough sleep. As a consequence, they tend to suffer from fatigue and low productivity the next day.
There are several measures that teachers and parents could adopt to tackle this issue. Firstly, teachers should strive to increase the engagement of students in lessons by making use of teaching aids such as pictures, diagrams and models. Instead of relying too much on boring textbooks, students should be taught how to involve themselves in their lessons and express their opinions on matters that are relevant. For example, instead of repetitive grammar exercises, English learners could enjoy role-play activities which are more enjoyable and bring real world applications. Secondly, parents must monitor their children’s electronic device usage to ensure that they have enough exercise and sleep everyday. By controlling their screen time, parents could help students go to bed early and feel well-rested before school, which would lead to a longer attention span and memory retention.
In conclusion, the fact that students are unable to concentrate or pay attention in class could be attributed to several factors as mentioned above and measures should be considered to solve this issue.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise infinitive Original: students to not be able Suggested revision: students to be unable Why it matters: The revised infinitive is more concise and natural in formal writing.
- 2. Improve collocation Original: counter Suggested revision: address Why it matters: Address is the more natural verb for dealing with a problem.
- 3. Use possessive structure Original: The lack of attention by students Suggested revision: Students' lack of attention Why it matters: The possessive construction is more direct and natural.
- 4. Match plural reference Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural pronoun their refers to multiple students, so lives should also be plural.
- 5. Simplify noun phrase Original: the lack of attention paid by students Suggested revision: students' lack of attention Why it matters: The possessive form removes an unnecessarily heavy passive construction.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: increase the engagement of students Suggested revision: increase student engagement Why it matters: Student engagement is the standard concise collocation in this context.
- 7. Prefer concise verb Original: making use of Suggested revision: using Why it matters: Using expresses the same meaning more directly.
- 8. Clarify participation Original: students should be taught how to involve themselves in their lessons Suggested revision: students should be encouraged to participate actively in their lessons Why it matters: Participate actively expresses the intended classroom involvement more naturally.
- 9. Correct verb collocation Original: have Suggested revision: get Why it matters: English normally uses get or take exercise rather than have exercise.
- 10. Improve parallel wording Original: a longer attention span and memory retention Suggested revision: longer attention spans and better memory retention Why it matters: Adding a separate comparative for each outcome makes the coordination clear and natural.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: For example, instead of repetitive grammar exercises, English learners could enjoy role-play activities which are more enjoyable and bring real world applications. Suggested revision: For example, English learners could engage in enjoyable role-play activities with real-world applications instead of completing repetitive grammar exercises. Why it matters: The revision removes repeated wording and corrects the unnatural verb phrase about applications.
Suggested Rewrites
- students to not be able students to be unable
- counter address
- The lack of attention by students Students' lack of attention
- life lives
- the lack of attention paid by students students' lack of attention
- increase the engagement of students increase student engagement
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response addresses both causes and solutions directly, developing each point with relevant explanations and concrete classroom or lifestyle examples. Its main limitation is occasional imprecision in wording and a few broad claims whose causal link could be made sharper. The highest-priority improvement is to explain more explicitly how each proposed measure targets the exact cause identified, while polishing awkward collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are fully addressed through well-developed reasons and practical solutions supported by relevant examples.
Strengthen the cause-solution matching by explicitly connecting each intervention to the specific concentration problem it is designed to resolve.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced, clearly paragraphled, and easy to follow, with cohesive devices used effectively throughout.
Make the internal links between each identified cause and its corresponding solution even more explicit.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad, topic-appropriate vocabulary, though a few expressions such as 'bring real world applications' are imprecise or unnatural.
Polish collocations and word forms, including 'real-world applications' and 'every day', to improve lexical precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are varied and consistently well controlled, with only rare minor awkwardness or word-form errors.
Replace awkward patterns such as 'students to not be able to pay attention' with more natural clause structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.