In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies. What do you think are the causes for this? What solutions can you suggest?
Sample Response
From the perspective of history countries were divided into several levels according to their inner development and status. Nowadays current issue is still in trend. Basically, there are some countries where students study under pressure, not having time to relax or do some leisure activities. In this essay, major reasons and possible solutions will be outlined according to question above. In my modest opinion, the basis of current issue lies in deep roots of education system of discussing countries. More clearly, governments -when planning the system - were now aware of students, who will then have to study following the government's system. Pattern of education was schemed involving positive sides only for governments rather than students. Some countries, for instance, are strictly critisized in planning the system compressed in order to spend less budget of organisation. This is, obviously, the most frightening way of objection of humanity's civil rights. One possible approach can be found in altering the way governments look at future of their own. In other words, the fact that proves that young generation is government's main stick point in the future should agitate them. The second and the main reason, however, touches the field of schools, universities and other educational organisations. The difference between humankind and animals is only - human moral ability to fell and think. By this argument, students are not tend to feel moral help from educational institutions. 2/3 of all educational institutions forgot about "motivation", "inspiration" and "encouragement". In this cruel world all of humanity attempts to show his cruelty and violence. And from my strongest point of view, problem can be solved by encouraging students morally, to support and help by showing various ways that can withdraw out of harsh situations. Educational organisations should find out ways of innovative pedagogical methods. Only this way, problem of student pressure can be solved. By way of, I find it necessary to reaffirm my point on altering the way governments and educational organisations see their future, otherwise serious problems can occur in society of ours.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural time phrase Original: From the perspective of history Suggested revision: Historically Why it matters: This concise adverb expresses the historical perspective more naturally.
- 2. Clarify development type Original: inner Suggested revision: domestic Why it matters: Inner development is not a natural collocation for a country's level of development.
- 3. Add determiner Original: Nowadays current issue Suggested revision: Nowadays, this issue Why it matters: The countable noun issue needs a determiner, and the introductory adverb needs a comma.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: is still in trend Suggested revision: remains prevalent Why it matters: In trend does not naturally describe a continuing social problem.
- 5. Fix prepositional phrase Original: according to question above Suggested revision: in response to the question above Why it matters: The revised phrase uses the correct preposition and supplies the missing article.
- 6. Add issue determiner Original: current Suggested revision: this Why it matters: This is needed to identify the specific issue already introduced.
- 7. Fix roots construction Original: deep roots of education system Suggested revision: deep roots in the education systems Why it matters: Roots takes in here, and the systems require a determiner or plural form.
- 8. Correct country reference Original: of discussing countries Suggested revision: of the countries concerned Why it matters: Discussing countries incorrectly suggests that the countries themselves are speaking.
- 9. Add article Original: Pattern of education Suggested revision: The pattern of education Why it matters: The singular countable noun pattern requires a determiner in this context.
- 10. Choose precise verb Original: schemed Suggested revision: designed Why it matters: Schemed is not the natural verb for constructing an education system.
- 11. Correct rights expression Original: objection of humanity's civil rights Suggested revision: violation of human rights Why it matters: Violation of human rights is the conventional expression for the intended claim.
- 12. Fix word order Original: future of their own Suggested revision: own future Why it matters: The possessive adjective should directly precede future after their.
Suggested Rewrites
- From the perspective of history Historically
- inner domestic
- Nowadays current issue Nowadays, this issue
- is still in trend remains prevalent
- according to question above in response to the question above
- current this
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response does attempt to answer both parts, offering government policy and institutional support as causes and solutions. However, the reasoning is often vague or difficult to follow, and frequent word-choice and grammar problems obscure important claims. The priority is to build two clearly explained cause-solution pairs with concrete examples, then express them in shorter, more accurate sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both causes and solutions, but its central claims are vague, sometimes tangential, and insufficiently explained.
Present each cause clearly, explain how it creates pressure, and connect it directly to a practical solution and example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Basic sequencing markers show an intended progression, but the single-paragraph presentation and abrupt shifts make the argument difficult to follow.
Use a separate paragraph for each cause-solution pair and arrange every paragraph around one clear controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonably broad vocabulary, but frequent spelling, word-form, and collocation errors often make the intended meaning imprecise.
Prefer familiar academic words used accurately and check recurring combinations such as education system, emotional support, and future generation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, verb patterns, and sentence construction regularly reduce clarity.
Build shorter complete sentences first, then check every subject-verb relationship, article, and infinitive or participle pattern.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies. What do you think are the causes for this? What solutions can you suggest?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.