In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?
Sample Response
Only around 30 years ago or so, it was hard for people to travel, because of the monetary problems or the difficulties to collect a wide range of documents needed. Nowadays, not only visiting, but living in the other countries are fairly usual and many students decide to take the degree at the foreign universities. However, does this allow them more benefits than drawbacks? Let’s discuss. On the one hand, it happens that the student's home university may be not the best in the world in some fields of study. Hence, students won't be able to obtain the knowledge at the required level and become a highly professional at his future career. That is why students choose the universities with the positive reputation outside their own motherland. On the other hand, some countries, as North Korea, count the living in the different countries as treachery. Leave the home area for studying means to show how bad the teaching is inside. It will result on the popularity of the country and thus, the tourism level. Also, usually, the period of learning at the university lasts from 3 to 7 years and by the time the person will graduate, he will get used to living abroad. Hence, bright and able professionals would forget its motherland, which will lower down its place in international levels even more. In conclusion, I also want to study medicine in the foreign country, because the level of it in my home country is not that high and I wish it was better. For me, the advantages of studying abroad outweigh drawbacks. However, I do want the students to come back and help their home countries even in every way.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant approximation Original: Only around 30 years ago or so Suggested revision: Around 30 years ago Why it matters: Around and or so both mark approximation, so using both is redundant.
- 2. Remove unnecessary comma Original: travel, because Suggested revision: travel because Why it matters: A comma should not separate the main clause from this essential because-clause.
- 3. Use financial constraint phrase Original: the monetary problems Suggested revision: financial constraints Why it matters: Financial constraints is the natural phrase for money-related barriers.
- 4. Use gerund after difficulties Original: the difficulties to collect Suggested revision: difficulties in collecting Why it matters: Difficulties takes in followed by a gerund in this construction.
- 5. Use concise document phrase Original: a wide range of documents needed Suggested revision: the required documents Why it matters: The revision conveys the same idea more concisely.
- 6. Fix correlative structure Original: not only visiting, but living in the other countries are Suggested revision: not only visiting but also living in other countries is Why it matters: The not only-but also structure requires parallel gerunds, and the coordinated activity takes is here.
- 7. Use degree collocation Original: take the degree Suggested revision: pursue a degree Why it matters: Pursue a degree is the natural collocation for university study.
- 8. Remove definite article Original: at the foreign universities Suggested revision: at foreign universities Why it matters: The general plural noun phrase does not require the definite article.
- 9. Use benefit verb Original: allow Suggested revision: bring Why it matters: Bring is the natural verb for producing benefits and drawbacks.
- 10. Place negation correctly Original: may be not Suggested revision: may not be Why it matters: Not follows the modal verb and precedes be.
- 11. Remove definite article Original: obtain the knowledge Suggested revision: obtain knowledge Why it matters: Knowledge is uncountable and used generally here.
- 12. Fix professional noun phrase Original: become a highly professional Suggested revision: become highly skilled professionals Why it matters: The plural subject students requires a plural noun, while highly modifies the adjective skilled.
Suggested Rewrites
- Only around 30 years ago or so Around 30 years ago
- travel, because travel because
- the monetary problems financial constraints
- the difficulties to collect difficulties in collecting
- a wide range of documents needed the required documents
- not only visiting, but living in the other countries are not only visiting but also living in other countries is
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay identifies a meaningful academic advantage of studying abroad and a relevant risk that skilled graduates may not return home, and it states a clear personal evaluation. However, the discussion is unbalanced and partly unconvincing, especially the claim that overseas study damages national tourism, while frequent language errors weaken clarity. Develop two directly relevant advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs, using realistic examples and more accurate grammar and vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both advantages and disadvantages are addressed and a clear evaluation is given, but the benefits are narrow and part of the national-reputation argument is weakly relevant or insufficiently supported.
Develop broader benefits such as specialist education and cultural growth, then contrast them with costs, adjustment difficulties, or brain drain using credible examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognisable advantage-disadvantage-conclusion sequence, but one-block presentation and several unclear causal links weaken progression.
Create separate body paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, with each paragraph following a clear claim, explanation, and example structure.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient to discuss education and migration, but frequent inaccurate collocations, word forms, and pronoun choices reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as financial constraints, gather documents, study for a degree abroad, reputable university, regard as disloyal, and contribute to brain drain.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex structures communicate the main message, but agreement, articles, infinitive and gerund forms, pronouns, prepositions, and clause construction are frequently inaccurate.
Check every sentence for subject-verb agreement and consistent pronouns, and revise phrases after prepositions or as sentence subjects into correct gerund forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.