Some people believe that studying abroad is important because it expands a person's knowledge and understanding of the world. Others feel that it is better to study at home because that is the best way to prepare for a career in the student's own country. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Studying abroad and opting for domestic education both offer distinctive advantages, igniting debates regarding their merits among a large number of people. While some advocate for the merits of studying in one's home country for career prospects, others argue for a foreign degree and a better understanding of the world. In this essay, I will explore both perspectives. However, I firmly advocate for the enriching benefits of international education in broadening one's global outlook.
On the one hand, proponents of studying in someone's home country argue that local education serves as a solid foundation for a future career within the country. It is asserted that studying at home equips individuals with contextual knowledge and practical skills tailored to the specific needs of the local job market. For instance, a student pursuing a medical degree in their home country might benefit from understanding the intricacies of the local healthcare system and cultural nuances in patient care, fostering better integration upon graduation.
Conversely, supporters of a foreign degree argue that studying abroad is invaluable as it presents unparalleled opportunities for personal and intellectual growth. Immersion in a foreign educational environment exposes individuals to diverse perspectives, cultures, and academic practices, fostering a deeper understanding of global issues. For instance, a student studying environmental sciences in a foreign country might engage in innovative research projects and collaborate with international experts, gaining a holistic perspective on global environmental challenges.
Personally, I firmly advocate for studying abroad as it offers an unparalleled avenue for personal and academic development. Experiencing different cultures, languages, and educational systems not only enriches one's knowledge but also nurtures adaptability and resilience—crucial traits in an increasingly interconnected world.
In conclusion, the exposure gained from international education cultivates open-mindedness, tolerance, and a broader worldview, essential attributes in today's globalized job market. Therefore, while domestic education holds merits, the transformative potential of studying abroad in expanding horizons and shaping global citizens is indispensable.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use parallel phrasing Original: opting for domestic education Suggested revision: studying domestically Why it matters: This creates a direct parallel with “studying abroad” and avoids an unnecessarily formal verb.
- 2. Choose precise adjective Original: distinctive Suggested revision: distinct Why it matters: “Distinct” more directly expresses that the two options have different benefits.
- 3. Reduce wordiness Original: among a large number of people Suggested revision: among many people Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same meaning more naturally.
- 4. Remove redundancy Original: advocate for the merits of studying Suggested revision: advocate studying Why it matters: “Advocate” already expresses support, so “for the merits of” is redundant.
- 5. Clarify relationship Original: argue for a foreign degree and a better understanding of the world Suggested revision: argue that a foreign degree offers a better understanding of the world Why it matters: The original coordination makes a degree and an understanding sound like separate choices.
- 6. Use fitting transition Original: However, I firmly advocate Suggested revision: Overall, I advocate Why it matters: “However” signals a contrast that does not exist between previewing both views and stating the writer's position.
- 7. Use consistent pronoun Original: someone's Suggested revision: one's Why it matters: The generic pronoun “one's” matches the formal style used elsewhere in the response.
- 8. Name the source Original: It is asserted that Suggested revision: Supporters argue that Why it matters: The active attribution makes clear who holds the view being discussed.
- 9. Moderate exaggerated wording Original: studying abroad is invaluable as it presents unparalleled opportunities Suggested revision: studying abroad is valuable because it offers significant opportunities Why it matters: The revision preserves the positive claim while avoiding stacked absolute terms.
- 10. Avoid repeated emphasis Original: Personally, I firmly advocate Suggested revision: Personally, I support Why it matters: The position was already stated firmly in the introduction, so simpler wording is sufficient here.
- 11. Use natural collocation Original: holds Suggested revision: has Why it matters: The standard English collocation is “has merits,” not “holds merits”.
- 12. Fix noun complement Original: in expanding horizons and shaping global citizens Suggested revision: to expand horizons and shape global citizens Why it matters: “Potential” is followed naturally by an infinitive phrase in this construction.
Suggested Rewrites
- opting for domestic education studying domestically
- distinctive distinct
- among a large number of people among many people
- advocate for the merits of studying advocate studying
- argue for a foreign degree and a better understanding of the world argue that a foreign degree offers a better understanding of the world
- However, I firmly advocate Overall, I advocate
Why this response received Band 8.0
This is a polished, well-developed response whose clearest strength is its balanced discussion and consistently supported position in favour of international study. Its main limitation is some repetition of the same advocacy and broad claims about global development, which slightly reduces precision. The best improvement would be to deepen the comparison between career preparation at home and the longer-term professional value of overseas study.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are directly addressed with relevant explanation and examples, and the preference for studying abroad remains clear throughout.
Develop the comparative reasoning further by explaining why the benefits of studying abroad ultimately outweigh the career-specific strengths of domestic study.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clearly focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used accurately and unobtrusively.
Reduce repetition between the opinion paragraph and conclusion so that each section makes a distinct contribution to the argument.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys academic ideas naturally, with only occasional slightly formulaic or awkward phrasing.
Replace repeated evaluative phrases such as advocating firmly and unparalleled avenue with more specific comparative language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is handled with strong control, and errors are rare and non-impeding.
Refine occasional reference choices, such as shifts between one's, someone's, and their, to make an already accurate response more consistent.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that studying abroad is important because it expands a person's knowledge and understanding of the world. Others feel that it is better to study at home because that is the best way to prepare for a career in the student's own country. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.