In an era of globalization, some people think that studying abroad is the best way to attain a well-paid job while others believe other options are better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Some today would argue that the rise of globalization necessitates studying abroad if an individual desires a stable career path. In my opinion, though this is an ideal route to success, there are superior methods.
Those who argue in favor of studying abroad make the contention that it allows a person to network and understand the world better. The majority of students who study in other countries are leaving less developed nations to study in more affluent countries. When studying abroad, not only will they be exposed to other cultures and ways of living, but they are also likely to make key connections that can help them in the future. After graduation, they can rely on their network when applying for jobs, starting businesses, or simply seeking advice. Without these advantages, a person will have a more difficult time attaining a well-paying job.
However, the surest pathway to success is to gain experience in any given profession, regardless of the location. A person who is studying and working abroad faces roughly the same obstacles when applying for jobs. If they remain in their country of origin, they will not only understand the local market better but also possess inherent advantages in terms of language, culture, and family support. Many of the most successful entrepreneurs in the world and highly-regarded executives studied and work in their native country. For instance, in Vietnam there are numerous start-up businesses that identify local needs and work to meet demand, oftentimes without the benefit of an education abroad or even an advanced university degree.
In conclusion, most individuals studying abroad are more likely to succeed because of other factors and therefore most individuals should pursue different means of securing stable employment in today’s volatile employment market. Governments should naturally support individuals in these matters.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the people Original: Some today Suggested revision: Some people today Why it matters: Adding ‘people’ makes the opening subject explicit and more natural.
- 2. Use a clearer contrast Original: superior methods Suggested revision: better alternatives Why it matters: ‘Alternatives’ more clearly refers to options other than studying abroad.
- 3. Use a direct verb Original: make the contention Suggested revision: contend Why it matters: The verb ‘contend’ expresses the same idea more concisely and idiomatically.
- 4. Clarify networking Original: allows a person to network Suggested revision: allows a person to build a professional network Why it matters: This phrase states more precisely what the person gains from networking.
- 5. Use general present Original: are leaving less developed nations Suggested revision: leave less developed nations Why it matters: The simple present is appropriate for a general pattern rather than an action occurring now.
- 6. Remove the hyphen Original: highly-regarded executives Suggested revision: highly regarded executives Why it matters: An adverb ending in ‘-ly’ is not hyphenated before the adjective it modifies.
- 7. Clarify the time relationship Original: studied and work in their native country Suggested revision: studied and now work in their native countries Why it matters: Adding ‘now’ clarifies the tense shift, while the plural noun agrees with the varied group described.
- 8. Add introductory comma Original: in Vietnam there Suggested revision: in Vietnam, there Why it matters: A comma should separate the introductory location phrase from the main clause.
- 9. Use concise wording Original: oftentimes Suggested revision: often Why it matters: ‘Often’ expresses the same meaning more concisely in formal writing.
- 10. Connect the paragraph logic Suggested revision: Clarify the progression from professional experience in the topic sentence to the subsequent advantages of remaining in one’s home country. Why it matters: The paragraph moves from experience to local knowledge and support without explicitly linking these strands.
Suggested Rewrites
- Some today Some people today
- superior methods better alternatives
- make the contention contend
- allows a person to network allows a person to build a professional network
- are leaving less developed nations leave less developed nations
- highly-regarded executives highly regarded executives
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its well-developed comparison of overseas study with locally gained experience, supported by a clear structure and highly controlled language. The main weakness is that the conclusion expresses the position less precisely than the introduction and adds an undeveloped comment about governments. The priority is to make the final position logically explicit and fully consistent with the preceding argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are explored in depth and the writer's preference for experience and local advantages is clear, although the conclusion is slightly ambiguous and includes an unsupported final claim.
Restate the preferred route unambiguously in the conclusion and omit any new point that has not been developed in the body.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced logically in well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the comparison without drawing undue attention.
Strengthen the final paragraph's link to the central argument so the progression remains equally clear through the last sentence.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and flexible across the topic, with only occasional slightly wordy or repetitive phrasing.
Refine isolated expressions such as repeated employment wording and choose the most concise collocation where several formal words convey the same idea.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex structures is handled accurately, with only rare slips such as the tense mismatch in studied and work.
Maintain strict parallel tense control when coordinating verbs, particularly when describing past education and employment histories.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In an era of globalization, some people think that studying abroad is the best way to attain a well-paid job while others believe other options are better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.