Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gym or sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in so doing. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
It is universally accepted that as a realm of motivation and increasing productivity, several workers get different proposals from the organization’s end. These officials may not take initiation to how rigorously influence in employee’s life. This situation has both merits as well as demerits, but definitely, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Initially, it is a tactical approach from the end of supreme companies because as a part of various perks and other increment patterns, they deliver such types of affiliations with famous recreational clubs. They believe that employees may be part of these physical bodies; it will enrich employee’s physical conditions and keep them healthy. As an example, the US dominant companies provide yearly membership in Gold Gym for their employees. As everyone knows, they are the best in the market with ultra-modern types of equipment. Furthermore, they can easily reduce exotic medical claims, and they do not take any additional leaves as personal. So, these will help the employers for continuous service of particular employees without any turmoil.
However, it is a squandering way of spending money. Employees are entirely different from each other with their classical behaviours. If some of them may not be interested in certain types of frivolous activities, these perks may not incite them. Moreover, it is appalling wastage of money. Although one can appreciate the reasons why some people would support such measures, they felt hampered after few days, and they quit. In my opinion, as business giants, they can inflame their employees in prolonged roots. Similarly, it is adequate and essential that they have to treat their employees as per their desire.
In conclusion, it is easy to enhance employees in realistic ways. But it is mandatory to bring the requirements for indispensable time.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct paired expression Original: both merits as well as demerits Suggested revision: both merits and demerits Why it matters: Both must be paired with and rather than as well as.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: a tactical approach from the end of supreme companies Suggested revision: a strategic approach used by major companies Why it matters: The original phrase uses unsuitable word choices and an unnatural agent construction.
- 3. Use relevant term Original: increment patterns Suggested revision: benefit packages Why it matters: Benefit packages accurately names the employment perks being discussed.
- 4. Correct membership collocation Original: deliver such types of affiliations with Suggested revision: offer memberships in Why it matters: Employers offer memberships in clubs rather than deliver affiliations with them.
- 5. State action clearly Original: employees may be part of these physical bodies Suggested revision: employees may join these fitness clubs Why it matters: Physical bodies does not clearly refer to gyms or sports clubs.
- 6. Fix clause structure Original: ; it will enrich employee’s physical conditions Suggested revision: and that this will improve employees’ physical condition Why it matters: The parallel that clause correctly completes what the employers believe and fixes number agreement.
- 7. Correct modifier order Original: the US dominant companies Suggested revision: leading US companies Why it matters: Leading US companies uses natural adjective order and conveys the intended status.
- 8. Clarify pronoun reference Original: they are the best in the market Suggested revision: these clubs are among the best in the market Why it matters: The explicit noun removes uncertainty about whether they refers to companies or clubs.
- 9. Remove redundant wording Original: types of equipment Suggested revision: equipment Why it matters: Equipment already covers the range of apparatus and does not need types of here.
- 10. Choose accurate adjective Original: exotic Suggested revision: expensive Why it matters: Exotic does not express the intended idea of costly claims.
- 11. Correct leave expression Original: take any additional leaves as personal Suggested revision: need any additional personal leave Why it matters: Leave is uncountable in this employment context and the original verb phrase is unnatural.
- 12. Use concise expression Original: a squandering way of spending money Suggested revision: a wasteful use of money Why it matters: The revision removes redundancy and uses a natural collocation.
Suggested Rewrites
- both merits as well as demerits both merits and demerits
- a tactical approach from the end of supreme companies a strategic approach used by major companies
- increment patterns benefit packages
- deliver such types of affiliations with offer memberships in
- employees may be part of these physical bodies employees may join these fitness clubs
- ; it will enrich employee’s physical conditions and that this will improve employees’ physical condition
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response has a recognizable two-sided structure and includes a relevant attempt to explain how gym membership could improve health and attendance. Its main limitation is that frequent unnatural word choices and grammatical problems obscure both the arguments and the writer's final opinion, particularly in the last body paragraph and conclusion. Prioritize expressing each claim in plain, accurate sentences and end with one specific, consistent recommendation to employers.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are mentioned and an opinion is stated, but key ideas are unevenly developed and the final position becomes vague and difficult to interpret.
Explain one clear reason for each view, then give a direct conclusion stating whether employers should subsidize memberships and under what conditions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Basic paragraphing separates the two views, but unclear referencing, repetition, and abrupt logical moves weaken progression within paragraphs.
Use a simple claim-explanation-example sequence in each body paragraph and ensure pronouns such as they have an unmistakable referent.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate collocations and word choices often make the intended meaning difficult to recover.
Prefer familiar, precise phrases such as reduce medical costs, motivate staff, and suit employees' preferences instead of forcing uncommon words.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some sentence patterns are varied, but frequent errors in clause structure, agreement, articles, tense, and prepositions reduce clarity.
Build shorter complete sentences with clear subjects and verbs, then check agreement and prepositions before combining ideas into complex forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gym or sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in so doing. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.