Some people think the qualities a person needs to become successful in today’s world cannot be learned at a university or similar academic institutions. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
Sample Response
Success, an expected good result that a person may reach, is dedicated by various qualities including personal characters, knowledge accumulation, and cooperative spirit. That universities or colleges could educate such qualities for a person to succeed is a too narrow belief.
To begin with, individual personalities and characters are the initial keys to potential achievements, as the road to success is full of thorns, requiring the person to be prepared for optimism, calmness, and perseverance to strike the hedge and step forward to the established goals. These characters, in fact, are formed based on the influences from families, schools, and wider societies during the self-development process, which cannot be learnt at once or in any single place.
The second key is knowledge base. Knowledge is widely regarded as one of the most powerful competences for a person to make a difference, but knowledge and information storage is built and developed in accumulation, starting from antenatal training, then to babbling, and moving on to receiving basic educations at primary and secondary schools. In other words, learning knowledge needs a solid foundation. Without the paved footstone, university and academic study would be as unrealistic as a castle in the air.
Further, the sense of being collaborative plays an indispensable role. Only when an individual learns and knows how to effectively interacts and coordinates with others at growth can he or she acquire parents’ support, teachers’ guidance, and friends’ coordination---the important sources to help the person to become successful. Thus, it would be too late if a person starts learning such quality at university.
University education is the final stage of formal learning after secondary schoolings. This means, university is the place where students could further enhance and strengthen the key qualities, regardless of personal characters, knowledge system, or cooperative consciousness via more professional and well-focused instructions and assignments; rather a kindergarten for nurturing baby learners.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the verb Original: dedicated Suggested revision: determined Why it matters: “Dedicated by” does not express the idea that qualities influence success.
- 2. Use the right noun Original: characters Suggested revision: characteristics Why it matters: “Characteristics” refers to personal qualities, whereas “characters” usually refers to people or fictional roles.
- 3. Correct the collocation Original: educate Suggested revision: develop Why it matters: Institutions can develop qualities, while “educate qualities” is not a valid collocation.
- 4. Fix adjective order Original: is a too narrow belief Suggested revision: is too narrow a belief Why it matters: With “too” before an adjective and a singular noun, the article follows the adjective.
- 5. Use natural phrasing Original: initial keys to potential achievements Suggested revision: primary factors in potential achievement Why it matters: This revision expresses the causal relationship more naturally.
- 6. Correct the collocation Original: prepared for optimism Suggested revision: equipped with optimism Why it matters: A person can be equipped with a quality, while “prepared for optimism” is not idiomatic.
- 7. Replace unclear metaphor Original: strike the hedge Suggested revision: overcome obstacles Why it matters: “Strike the hedge” does not clearly express dealing with difficulties.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: established Suggested revision: set Why it matters: “Set goals” is the standard collocation for goals that have already been chosen.
- 9. Improve the construction Original: formed based on the influences from Suggested revision: formed through influences from Why it matters: This wording gives the relationship between development and external influences a natural construction.
- 10. Add the article Original: is knowledge base Suggested revision: is a strong knowledge base Why it matters: The singular countable noun phrase needs an article, and “strong” preserves the intended idea of a foundation.
- 11. Choose a natural noun Original: competences Suggested revision: assets Why it matters: “Assets” naturally describes useful resources that help a person make a difference.
- 12. Remove faulty wording Original: knowledge and information storage Suggested revision: knowledge and information Why it matters: “Storage” incorrectly describes knowledge and information as one combined process here.
Suggested Rewrites
- dedicated determined
- characters characteristics
- educate develop
- is a too narrow belief is too narrow a belief
- initial keys to potential achievements primary factors in potential achievement
- prepared for optimism equipped with optimism
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear, nuanced position and organizes three relevant qualities into a purposeful progression, showing that universities can strengthen attributes developed earlier. Its main limitation is the frequent use of awkward or inaccurate collocations, which makes several otherwise thoughtful points sound strained. The priority is to replace ornate phrasing with precise, natural expressions while retaining the essay’s logical development.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response advances a clear qualified agreement and develops relevant points about character, knowledge, and collaboration.
Support the abstract claims with concrete examples showing which qualities cannot be first acquired at university.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a clear progression through three qualities before reaching a logically consistent qualification about universities.
Shorten overloaded sentences so that each stage of the reasoning is easier to follow.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide-ranging, but frequent unnatural collocations and word-choice errors reduce precision and naturalness.
Prefer direct combinations such as personal qualities, accumulated knowledge, and collaborative skills over strained figurative wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted throughout, but agreement, article, form, and punctuation errors recur despite generally clear meaning.
Check verb agreement and sentence boundaries, especially in long clauses and the final paragraph.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think the qualities a person needs to become successful in today’s world cannot be learned at a university or similar academic institutions. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.