Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The proliferation of supermarkets in rural and urban areas is on the rise, and it is considered beneficial by somethought to be beneficial by some and damaging to local businessesdamaging to the local businesses by others. Although both views persistWhile people with both points of view continue to exist, I strongly believe that opening supermarketsopening up shopping marts helps local communities to prosperto bloom and blossom. Proponents of the idea argue that international products drive local businesses out of businessrender local investors out of business. As increasing numbers of cheap goods are available to choose from, sufficient funds may not be available to local people to produce items of comparable quality and sell them at a cheap price. For example, ever since the advent of Chinese cotton and food industries, the domestic Pakistani cotton industrynative Pakistani cotton fabric industry has almost shut down. This has also resulted in many individuals becomingbeing unemployed, leaving local contractors unable to operatealso leaving local contractors paralysed. However, while such problems do occur, large supermarketslarge shopping areas, in fact, help sustain local producershelp to sustain local produce. Firstly, as supermarkets stock their productscompetitors stock their articles from around the world, local producersinhabitants of the area have a better chance of sellingstand a better chance to sell their crops and finished goods to a largergreater number of customers. Generation of an increased amount of revenue would be a direct consequence, therefore, enhancing the gross domestic product in return. Moreover, the establishment of supermarkets can help foster collective pridefoster pride en masse. This can be especially true in cases where local items occupy shelves of supermarkets, making them available to international customersenabling purchases by international customers. With effective marketingProvided marketing strategies are put to use, a brand might become popular all over the world, thereby setting the stage for uplifting morale. To conclude, it is imperative that the growth and sustenance of supermarkets will fuel the survival of local communities and it is expected that more initiatives would be taken to expand supermarkets where local products are displayed and sold.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear disagreement and develops both the threat to local firms and the potential benefits of supermarket access to wider markets. Its strongest feature is the use of relevant economic examples, but the link between product sales and the survival of an entire community is sometimes asserted rather than demonstrated. Prioritise explaining how employment, social ties, and local services would actually be preserved.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported with relevant arguments, though the connection between supermarkets and community survival is not always fully explained.
Show specifically how supermarket-led trade would protect local jobs, services, and social cohesion rather than only increasing product sales.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a logical sequence and uses clear signposting, but presenting the entire essay as one paragraph weakens its organisational clarity.
Separate the introduction, opposing view, supporting arguments, and conclusion into distinct, focused paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a good range of economic and community-related vocabulary, despite several awkward or overstated collocations.
Replace expressions such as "render local investors out of business" and "foster pride en masse" with more precise, natural wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is generally controlled, although some clause constructions and patterns such as "imperative that ... will" are inaccurate.
Refine complement structures and check that long sentences express cause, condition, and result without unnecessary grammatical complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.