Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
(Disagree) The proliferation of supermarkets in rural and urban areas is on the rise, and it is thought to be beneficial by some and damaging to the local businesses by others. While people with both points of view continue to exist, I strongly believe that opening up shopping marts helps local communities to bloom and blossom. Proponents of the idea argue that international products render local investors out of business. As increasing numbers of cheap goods are available to choose from, sufficient funds may not be available to local people to produce items of comparable quality and sell them at a cheap price. For example, ever since the advent of Chinese cotton and food industries, the native Pakistani cotton fabric industry has almost shut down. This has also resulted in many individuals being unemployed, also leaving local contractors paralysed. However, while such problems do occur, large shopping areas, in fact, help to sustain local produce. Firstly, as competitors stock their articles from around the world, inhabitants of the area stand a better chance to sell their crops and finished goods to a greater number of customers. Generation of an increased amount of revenue would be a direct consequence, therefore, enhancing the gross domestic product in return. Moreover, the establishment of supermarkets can help foster pride en masse. This can be especially true in cases where local items occupy shelves of supermarkets, enabling purchases by international customers. Provided marketing strategies are put to use, a brand might become popular all over the world, thereby setting the stage for uplifting morale. To conclude, it is imperative that the growth and sustenance of supermarkets will fuel the survival of local communities and it is expected that more initiatives would be taken to expand supermarkets where local products are displayed and sold.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: thought to be beneficial by some Suggested revision: considered beneficial by some Why it matters: “Considered beneficial” is a more natural and concise passive construction.
- 2. Remove unnecessary article Original: damaging to the local businesses Suggested revision: damaging to local businesses Why it matters: The article is unnecessary when referring to local businesses in general.
- 3. Simplify contrast Original: While people with both points of view continue to exist Suggested revision: Although both views persist Why it matters: The revision expresses the continuing disagreement much more concisely.
- 4. Use precise term Original: opening up shopping marts Suggested revision: opening supermarkets Why it matters: “Supermarkets” matches the task and is more natural than “shopping marts.”
- 5. Avoid redundant metaphor Original: to bloom and blossom Suggested revision: to prosper Why it matters: The single verb states the intended economic improvement clearly without repetition.
- 6. Fix collocation Original: render local investors out of business Suggested revision: drive local businesses out of business Why it matters: The established phrase is “drive businesses out of business,” while investors are not the entities operating here.
- 7. Use natural modifier Original: native Pakistani cotton fabric industry Suggested revision: domestic Pakistani cotton industry Why it matters: “Domestic” is the appropriate term for an industry based within the country.
- 8. Fix verb form Original: being Suggested revision: becoming Why it matters: “Becoming” correctly describes the change in employment status caused by the closure.
- 9. Clarify the consequence Original: also leaving local contractors paralysed Suggested revision: leaving local contractors unable to operate Why it matters: The revision removes the repeated “also” and replaces the figurative adjective with a precise effect.
- 10. Name the subject Original: large shopping areas Suggested revision: large supermarkets Why it matters: “Supermarkets” identifies the type of business being discussed more precisely.
- 11. Clarify the beneficiary Original: help to sustain local produce Suggested revision: help sustain local producers Why it matters: The argument concerns supporting local businesses and producers rather than sustaining the goods themselves.
- 12. Fix noun choices Original: competitors stock their articles Suggested revision: supermarkets stock their products Why it matters: “Supermarkets” and “products” clearly identify the sellers and the goods.
Suggested Rewrites
- thought to be beneficial by some considered beneficial by some
- damaging to the local businesses damaging to local businesses
- While people with both points of view continue to exist Although both views persist
- opening up shopping marts opening supermarkets
- to bloom and blossom to prosper
- render local investors out of business drive local businesses out of business
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear disagreement and develops both the threat to local firms and the potential benefits of supermarket access to wider markets. Its strongest feature is the use of relevant economic examples, but the link between product sales and the survival of an entire community is sometimes asserted rather than demonstrated. Prioritise explaining how employment, social ties, and local services would actually be preserved.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported with relevant arguments, though the connection between supermarkets and community survival is not always fully explained.
Show specifically how supermarket-led trade would protect local jobs, services, and social cohesion rather than only increasing product sales.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a logical sequence and uses clear signposting, but presenting the entire essay as one paragraph weakens its organisational clarity.
Separate the introduction, opposing view, supporting arguments, and conclusion into distinct, focused paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a good range of economic and community-related vocabulary, despite several awkward or overstated collocations.
Replace expressions such as "render local investors out of business" and "foster pride en masse" with more precise, natural wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is generally controlled, although some clause constructions and patterns such as "imperative that ... will" are inaccurate.
Refine complement structures and check that long sentences express cause, condition, and result without unnecessary grammatical complexity.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.