Some people support modern developments in agriculture such as factory farmin craetion of new types of fruts and vegetables. However, other people oppose this view. Discuss both these views and give your own opinioun.
Sample Response
A number of people support recent developments in agriculture such as factory farming and creation of new types of fruits and vegetables. Nevertheless, others be against this view. Although I admit that some people oppose modern developments in agriculture since they may have negative effect on the environment, I believe that factory farming and the development of new crop varieties bring significant benefits to society as they can increase food production.
There are several reasons for bad impacts on environment due to of developments in agriculture. One of them is it can negatively affect the environment by causing environmental damage. In other words, factory farming often uses large amounts of chemical fertilizers and pesticides. These chemicals pollute the soil and water, making the environment less healthy for plants, animals, and humans. Also, ecosystems are damaged, and biodiversity gradually decreases. As a result, the quality of the environment declines, making it more difficult for both wildlife and people to live in a healthy environment. For example, factory farms in some regions have polluted the environment, harming both animals and nearby communities.
Even though some people are against modern developments in agriculture as it can be environmental pollution, there is a single reason why I believe that factory farming and new crop varieties are beneficial to society. Modern agriculture increases food production, allowing farmers to produce more food in a shorter period of time. To explain, Modern farming methods use advanced machinery, high-quality fertilizers, and improved irrigation systems. These technologies help farmers grow crops more efficiently and protect them from diseases and pests. In addition, scientists have developed new crop varieties that grow faster and produce higher yields. Farmers can harvest more crops from the same amount of land and produce food in a much shorter period of time. As a consequence, this makes it easier to meet the growing demand for food as the world's population continues to increase. For instance, many countries use modern farming technologies and improved crop varieties to increase agricultural production and ensure a stable food supply throughout the year.
In conclusion, I acknowledge modern developments in food production can negatively effect as it can be harmful impact for environment. However, I believe that modern agriculture increases agricultural productivity because modern agriculture boosts food production.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Subject-verb agreement Original: others be against Suggested revision: others are against Why it matters: The verb 'be' must be conjugated to match the plural subject 'others'.
- 2. Plural form Original: negative effect Suggested revision: negative effects Why it matters: Since 'developments' is plural, it is more natural to refer to 'negative effects' in the plural form.
- 3. Double preposition Original: due to of Suggested revision: due to Why it matters: The prepositional phrase is 'due to'. Adding 'of' is grammatically incorrect.
- 4. Circular reasoning Original: it can negatively affect the environment by causing environmental damage. Suggested revision: it can lead to severe ecological degradation. Why it matters: Saying something affects the environment by causing environmental damage is redundant. Use more specific terms.
- 5. Grammar error Original: as it can be environmental pollution Suggested revision: as they can cause environmental pollution Why it matters: 'Modern developments' is plural, so 'they' should be used instead of 'it'. Also, developments 'cause' pollution rather than 'be' pollution.
- 6. Word choice Original: a single reason Suggested revision: a compelling reason Why it matters: 'Compelling' or 'primary' is more academic and persuasive than 'single' in this context.
- 7. Capitalization Original: To explain, Modern Suggested revision: To explain, modern Why it matters: The word 'modern' should not be capitalized after a comma.
- 8. Affect vs Effect Original: negatively effect Suggested revision: negatively affect the environment Why it matters: 'Effect' is usually a noun, whereas 'affect' is the verb needed here.
- 9. Grammar error Original: as it can be harmful impact for environment. Suggested revision: as they can have a harmful impact on the environment. Why it matters: Corrects the pronoun to plural ('they'), uses the correct verb collocation ('have an impact'), and the correct preposition ('on the environment').
- 10. Academic vocabulary Original: bad impacts Suggested revision: adverse impacts Why it matters: 'Bad' is too informal for an IELTS essay. 'Adverse' or 'detrimental' is much more suitable.
- 11. Transition choice Original: In other words, Suggested revision: Specifically, Why it matters: 'In other words' implies you are restating the previous sentence in a simpler way, but you are actually introducing a specific mechanism (fertilizers and pesticides). 'Specifically' fits better.
- 12. Paraphrase Original: creation of new types of fruits and vegetables. Suggested revision: the development of genetically modified or hybrid crops. Why it matters: Paraphrasing the prompt's words ('creation of new types of fruits and vegetables') shows a wider range of vocabulary.
Suggested Rewrites
- others be against others are against
- negative effect negative effects
- due to of due to
- it can negatively affect the environment by causing environmental damage. it can lead to severe ecological degradation.
- as it can be environmental pollution as they can cause environmental pollution
- a single reason a compelling reason
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay successfully addresses both sides of the debate and presents a clear personal opinion, which is its strongest aspect. However, the main limitation is the high level of repetition in both vocabulary and ideas, particularly in the body paragraphs where the same points are restated multiple times. To improve, the writer should focus on diversifying their vocabulary and developing more distinct, concrete supporting arguments rather than repeating general statements.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The candidate addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing both the negative environmental impacts and the positive food production benefits, while clearly stating their own opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
To achieve a higher score, avoid circular reasoning (e.g., saying developments cause environmental damage because they damage the environment) and provide more specific, real-world examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear overall structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Cohesive devices are used, but some transitions feel repetitive and mechanical.
Vary the cohesive devices used to link sentences and paragraphs, and ensure that ideas progress logically without repeating the same point in different words.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the task but highly repetitive. Words and phrases like 'modern developments in agriculture', 'environment', 'food production', and 'factory farming' are repeated constantly.
Work on using synonyms and paraphrasing techniques (e.g., 'agricultural advancements', 'ecological footprint', 'crop yields', 'intensive farming') to demonstrate a wider lexical resource.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The candidate uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. Grammatical errors are present (e.g., 'be against', 'due to of', 'negatively effect') but they rarely impede communication.
Review prepositional phrases ('due to' vs 'due to of') and the distinction between the verb 'affect' and the noun 'effect'.