Some believe that younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting older family members when they become physically, mentally and financially unable to look after themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
There have been recent proposals for laws that would require younger generations to look after older family members when they are no longer capable of doing so themselves. In my opinion, these laws are ethically responsible yet should not be enacted considering the many circumstances they fail to take into account.
Supporters argue elderly care is a basic responsibility. As parents age, there is a near absolute chance they will have some combination of physical, mental, or financial difficulties. Since most older people are unable to work full-time jobs, the duty of care naturally falls to either the state or their families. The government has other concerns and their care is impersonal, as in the case of a state-funded nursing home. Children, who have an obligation to their original care-givers, are in much better positions to provide loving support. This could include living with them, supplying money, or helping them with medical bills.
However, this discounts the many contexts in which this care may not be appropriate. Many parents do not want to be a burden to their children and would rather look after themselves later in life. Others may not have been there for their children, or even been abusive. Moreover, the help that children offer will likely hinder their own progress in life. If they are wealthy, this is not a major concern as they can hire someone to look after their parents and the financial support will not be a burden. However, most working class families will struggle to advance socially when slowed by a duty of care for elderly parents, especially if this includes expensive medical bills.
In conclusion, despite the moral justifications, there are simply too many situations where these laws would result in injustices and inconveniences. Individuals should be given the opportunity to look after themselves.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Choose the precise adjective Original: responsible Suggested revision: justified Why it matters: A proposed law can be ethically justified, whereas 'responsible' more naturally describes conduct or a person.
- 2. Clarify the contrast Original: yet should not be enacted considering Suggested revision: but should not be enacted, given Why it matters: 'But' states the contrast directly, and 'given' introduces the reason more naturally.
- 3. Add the clause marker Original: Supporters argue elderly care Suggested revision: Supporters argue that elderly care Why it matters: 'Argue' needs 'that' before this finite content clause.
- 4. Correct the probability phrase Original: a near absolute chance Suggested revision: a near certainty Why it matters: 'Near certainty' is the natural expression for a very high likelihood.
- 5. Use the natural noun Original: original care-givers Suggested revision: caregivers Why it matters: 'Original' is unnecessary, and 'caregiver' is conventionally written as one word.
- 6. Use the idiomatic form Original: are in much better positions Suggested revision: are in a much better position Why it matters: The idiom uses a singular position when comparing suitability.
- 7. Use a formal phrase Original: supplying money Suggested revision: providing financial support Why it matters: The revision expresses this type of family assistance more naturally.
- 8. Use a formal expression Original: have been there for their children Suggested revision: have supported their children Why it matters: 'Supported' conveys the intended idea more precisely in an academic essay.
- 9. Correct the metaphor Original: slowed Suggested revision: burdened Why it matters: A duty creates a burden rather than literally slowing a family.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: The government has other concerns and their care is impersonal, as in the case of a state-funded nursing home. Suggested revision: Governments have other priorities, and state-funded care, such as a nursing home, can be impersonal. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the unclear pronoun reference and connects the example directly to state-funded care.
Suggested Rewrites
- responsible justified
- yet should not be enacted considering but should not be enacted, given
- Supporters argue elderly care Supporters argue that elderly care
- a near absolute chance a near certainty
- original care-givers caregivers
- are in much better positions are in a much better position
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its nuanced, consistently maintained position and its balanced development of the moral case for family care alongside practical and ethical exceptions. Its main limitation is that a few claims are expressed too absolutely or with slightly imprecise wording. The highest-priority improvement is to qualify these generalisations and make the final recommendation more explicitly address how support should be decided when older relatives cannot care for themselves.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses the legal-responsibility question fully, presents a nuanced disagreement, and develops both moral and practical considerations convincingly.
End with a more explicit alternative to compulsory family support so the conclusion resolves the stated care problem as well as rejecting the law.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically from the ethical justification to important exceptions, with well-controlled paragraphing and cohesive transitions.
Clarify the referent of broad phrases such as this discounts so that links between claims remain immediately precise.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, fluent, and generally precise, with effective language for discussing care, obligation, injustice, and financial burden.
Replace slightly awkward or absolute phrases such as near absolute chance and original care-givers with more natural, qualified wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex sentence forms is handled accurately, and the few minor lapses do not disrupt communication.
Polish occasional pronoun agreement and article choices to make grammatical control consistently exact.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some believe that younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting older family members when they become physically, mentally and financially unable to look after themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.