In many countries, people increasingly talk about money such as how much they earn or how much they pay for things in their daily conversations. Why? Is this a positive or negative trend?
Sample Response
It has become increasingly pervasive in recent years for individuals to discuss money matters on a daily basis. In my opinion, this is due to changes in what individuals consider polite and is a decidedly negative trend on the whole.
The reason people now talk about money is that it is socially acceptable. In past generations, discussing money was considered “in poor taste” and most people were reserved in order to not appear arrogant or desperate. Today, many social norms from the past have disappeared and this includes ones related to the discussion of one’s finances. This enables the average person to discuss money with friends and family as a way of coping with anxieties about the future or insecurities about their own status in society. For instance, it is common for some wealthy individuals to show off by talking about their investments, property, and so on to impress friends and elevate their own self-esteem.
Discussing money is overall a negative trend as it exacerbates an unhealthy mindset. There are situations where it can be positive, such as when discussing potential investments and helping friends. These contexts are the exceptions, however, as most people simply talk about money to relieve their own nervousness or as a form of bragging. Once a person becomes addicted to the minor dopamine bursts that accompany seeking self-pity or self-aggrandizement, they will have a difficult time transitioning to more productive and fun topics of conversation. Over time, a person may ironically increase their anxieties and insecurities by seeking to cope with them.
In conclusion, people talk about their finances as it is no longer considered rude and it is an unhealthy habit. It is better to talk about to more important topics.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: pervasive Suggested revision: common Why it matters: “Increasingly common” describes the growing frequency of a practice more naturally.
- 2. Use concise wording Original: on a daily basis Suggested revision: daily Why it matters: The single adverb conveys the same meaning more concisely.
- 3. Refine infinitive placement Original: in order to not appear Suggested revision: in order not to appear Why it matters: Placing “not” before the infinitive is the more conventional formal construction.
- 4. Avoid abstract reference Original: This enables the average person Suggested revision: This allows people Why it matters: The revision makes the general reference more direct and natural.
- 5. Correct adverb placement Original: is overall a negative trend Suggested revision: is a negative trend overall Why it matters: “Overall” is more naturally placed after the noun phrase it qualifies here.
- 6. Remove unnecessary article Original: These contexts are the exceptions Suggested revision: These contexts are exceptions Why it matters: The plural complement is used generally, so the definite article is unnecessary.
- 7. Make structure parallel Original: to relieve their own nervousness or as a form of bragging Suggested revision: to relieve their own anxiety or to brag Why it matters: Both alternatives should use matching infinitive structures.
- 8. Correct verb choice Original: seeking self-pity or self-aggrandizement Suggested revision: indulging in self-pity or self-aggrandizement Why it matters: People can indulge in self-pity, whereas “seek self-pity” is not a natural collocation.
- 9. Maintain formal register Original: fun Suggested revision: engaging Why it matters: “Engaging” maintains a more consistent academic register than “fun.”
- 10. Remove extra preposition Original: talk about to Suggested revision: talk about Why it matters: The verb phrase “talk about” does not take an additional “to” before its object.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Today, many social norms from the past have disappeared and this includes ones related to the discussion of one’s finances. Suggested revision: Today, many social norms from the past have disappeared, including those related to discussions of personal finances. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the unclear singular reference in “this includes ones.”
Suggested Rewrites
- pervasive common
- on a daily basis daily
- in order to not appear in order not to appear
- This enables the average person This allows people
- is overall a negative trend is a negative trend overall
- These contexts are the exceptions These contexts are exceptions
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a direct answer to both questions, sustains a clear negative position, and develops it through a sophisticated, coherent line of reasoning. The main limitation is that several causal claims about anxiety, status, and dopamine are broad and insufficiently substantiated. The highest-priority improvement is to support these claims with a more concrete example or measured explanation while preserving the essay's strong focus and control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are fully addressed through a clear position and well-developed, relevant reasoning.
Qualify the broad psychological claims and support them with a concrete, credible example to strengthen the argument further.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses smoothly through focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reasoning without distracting from it.
Make the link between social acceptability and the later discussion of insecurity slightly more explicit.
Lexical Resource
A wide and flexible vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas precisely, with only rare awkward or imprecise combinations.
Use more measured alternatives for expressions such as addicted to minor dopamine bursts when evidence is not established.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentence forms are varied and handled with strong control, apart from a rare error in the final sentence.
Complete a final proofreading pass to remove isolated slips such as talk about to more important topics.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, people increasingly talk about money such as how much they earn or how much they pay for things in their daily conversations. Why? Is this a positive or negative trend?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.