The government in many countries has recently introduced special taxes on foods and beverages with high levels of sugar. Some think these taxes are a good idea, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
It is rightly said that sugar is a slow poison for humankind which is supported by many scientists also. Many governments across the globe have levied taxes on foods and beverages containing excess sugar. Few believe that it is a good idea; however, others disagree with putting these taxes. Both views are discussed in this essay before giving the opinion.
In recent years, local authorities in every nook and corner of the world have become aware of the health of the people. As a preventive action, they have started keeping some extra taxes on food items that are high in sugar. This decision is warmly welcomed by certain demographics of the society. Advocates of this idea understand the real purpose of governments behind this step: to turn their citizens towards healthy eating. Additionally, they strongly believe that by implementing this, people will not only prefer healthy options, but they will save a lot of money by not buying unhealthy chocolates and soft drinks. A prime example of this would be the action taken by India, where the government is charging double on buying sweets which have significantly reduced new diabetes patients in a year. Therefore, some people think that these taxes are helping citizens only.
Conversely, others disagree and claim that it is a preposterous idea. They just believe that charges should be equal on every food item because, in this way, vendors of such items will surely face huge losses in their businesses which are likely to damage the economy and increase unemployment. On top of this, they argue that citizens should have the freedom on what they eat, though governments are taking away this basic right by taking this unnecessary step. Moreover, they have suggested that local authorities should rather find different ways to encourage people to do regular exercise. Hence, few of them think that it is not at all a good thought to levy takes.
To conclude, admittedly, there are few disadvantages of introducing taxes on foods and beverages consisting more sugar, but, in my opinion, advantages are outweighing them, and this idea will positively impact the health of each and every individual.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use accurate quantifier Original: Few Suggested revision: Some Why it matters: Few implies that almost nobody holds the view, which conflicts with the stated two-sided discussion.
- 2. Use tax collocation Original: putting Suggested revision: imposing Why it matters: Taxes are imposed or levied rather than put.
- 3. Specify the writer Original: the Suggested revision: my Why it matters: The possessive determiner is needed to identify whose opinion will be given.
- 4. Use concise phrasing Original: aware of the health of the people Suggested revision: concerned about public health Why it matters: The revision expresses the intended concern more naturally and precisely.
- 5. Improve collocation Original: action Suggested revision: measure Why it matters: Preventive measure is the standard collocation for a policy intended to avert harm.
- 6. Use tax collocation Original: keeping some extra taxes Suggested revision: imposing additional taxes Why it matters: Governments impose additional taxes rather than keep extra taxes.
- 7. Use natural noun phrase Original: certain demographics of the society Suggested revision: certain groups in society Why it matters: Groups in society is clearer and more idiomatic in this context.
- 8. Correct collocation Original: turn their citizens towards healthy eating Suggested revision: encourage their citizens to eat healthily Why it matters: Encourage someone to do something is the natural structure for the intended influence.
- 9. Clarify reference Original: by implementing this Suggested revision: by implementing these taxes Why it matters: Naming the taxes removes the vague reference of this.
- 10. Fix parallel structure Original: will not only prefer healthy options, but they will save Suggested revision: will not only prefer healthy options but also save Why it matters: Not only and but also should introduce parallel verb phrases.
- 11. Place modifier clearly Original: helping citizens only Suggested revision: only helping citizens Why it matters: Moving only before the verb makes its scope clear.
- 12. Correct noun pattern Original: freedom on what they eat Suggested revision: freedom to choose what they eat Why it matters: Freedom is naturally followed by an infinitive expressing the permitted choice.
Suggested Rewrites
- Few Some
- putting imposing
- the my
- aware of the health of the people concerned about public health
- action measure
- keeping some extra taxes imposing additional taxes
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response has a clear two-sided structure and supplies relevant reasons for supporting and opposing sugar taxes. Its main limitation is that the writer’s own position appears fully only in the conclusion, while several claims, especially the India example, are asserted without convincing support. The highest-priority improvement is to state the opinion clearly in the introduction and develop it through a well-supported argument rather than relying on sweeping or speculative claims.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are discussed with relevant supporting ideas, but the writer's opinion is delayed and some evidence is insufficiently credible or developed.
State the opinion clearly in the introduction and support it throughout with plausible, carefully explained evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically divided and easy to follow, although some linking is mechanical and several long sentences carry loosely connected claims.
Use more precise internal progression within each body paragraph and separate distinct causal claims into clearly controlled sentences.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows adequate range for taxation, health, freedom, and economic effects, but recurring collocational errors reduce precision.
Replace unnatural combinations such as 'keeping taxes,' 'freedom on what they eat,' and 'levy takes' with accurate, conventional phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms communicates the argument clearly, despite recurring errors in articles, prepositions, agreement, and clause control.
Proofread complex sentences for subject-verb agreement, article use, and prepositions, especially when adding relative or result clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The government in many countries has recently introduced special taxes on foods and beverages with high levels of sugar. Some think these taxes are a good idea, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.