Once children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than parents do. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some people believe that after children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than parents. I partly agree with this idea, but I think parents are still very important.
On the one hand, teachers play an important role in children’s education. At school, children learn different subjects such as math, science, and language. Teachers also help students improve their thinking skills and learn how to solve problems. In addition, children spend a lot of time at school, so teachers can influence their behavior and social skills, such as teamwork and communication.
On the other hand, parents have a strong influence on children’s development too. Parents teach their children basic values, manners, and attitudes from a young age. Even when children go to school, parents still support them with homework and give advice. Children also learn by watching their parents, so their behavior can affect children’s personality and social development.
In conclusion, although teachers are important for children’s learning and social life at school, parents still have a big influence on their overall development. Therefore, I believe both teachers and parents play important roles.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural form Original: language Suggested revision: languages Why it matters: Using the plural form fits better when listing academic school subjects alongside math and science.
- 2. Clarify pronoun reference Original: their behavior Suggested revision: parents' behavior Why it matters: Replacing 'their' with 'parents'' prevents confusion with the children's own behavior.
- 3. Avoid copying task prompt Original: Some people believe that after children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than parents. Suggested revision: It is often argued that once formal education begins, educators exert a greater impact on a child's academic and interpersonal growth than family members. Why it matters: Rephrasing the task prompt in your own words demonstrates a broader range of vocabulary.
- 4. Specify comparative stance Original: I partly agree with this idea, but I think parents are still very important. Suggested revision: While I agree that educators shape critical thinking and peer interaction, I believe parents retain a stronger, foundational influence. Why it matters: Clarifying your degree of agreement in the introduction helps set up a clearer argument for the rest of the essay.
- 5. Enhance word choice Original: play an important role Suggested revision: play a crucial role Why it matters: Using varied synonyms for 'important' avoids repetition and enhances academic tone.
- 6. Use precise collocations Original: different subjects Suggested revision: a wide range of academic disciplines Why it matters: Replacing common phrases with more precise vocabulary improves lexical resource.
- 7. Use varied transition Original: In addition, Suggested revision: Beyond academic instruction, Why it matters: Using a descriptive transition phrase improves flow compared to repetitive basic linking words.
- 8. Extend supporting idea Original: such as teamwork and communication. Suggested revision: such as teamwork and communication through group projects and structured social interaction. Why it matters: Elaborating on how teachers develop these skills provides stronger support for your argument.
- 9. Vary vocabulary Original: have a strong influence on Suggested revision: exert a profound impact on Why it matters: Varying phrases for influence reduces reliance on repetitive wording across paragraphs.
- 10. Upgrade vocabulary Original: basic values, manners, and attitudes Suggested revision: core moral values, etiquette, and worldview Why it matters: Using more sophisticated terms elevates the register of your writing.
- 11. Smooth transition Original: Even when children go to school, Suggested revision: Throughout a child's school years, Why it matters: A temporal transition phrase creates a better logical connection with the main point.
- 12. Use precise verb phrase Original: give advice. Suggested revision: offer emotional and personal guidance. Why it matters: Replacing generic verbs with specific academic language adds depth to your explanation.
Suggested Rewrites
- language languages
- their behavior parents' behavior
- Some people believe that after children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than parents. It is often argued that once formal education begins, educators exert a greater impact on a child's academic and interpersonal growth than family members.
- I partly agree with this idea, but I think parents are still very important. While I agree that educators shape critical thinking and peer interaction, I believe parents retain a stronger, foundational influence.
- play an important role play a crucial role
- different subjects a wide range of academic disciplines
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay presents a clear position and logically structures the main points regarding the roles of teachers and parents. However, the response is significantly under the expected length requirement, which limits the depth of main idea development and supporting examples. To improve, expand on specific supporting examples and detail each argument to comfortably exceed 250 words.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
You presented a clear, relevant position, but your ideas are underdeveloped due to being under the 250-word minimum.
Elaborate on each main point with concrete examples and deeper explanation to meet the required word count.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is logical and ideas progress clearly across the response using basic transition phrases.
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas within paragraphs more smoothly.
Lexical Resource
Your vocabulary is accurate and appropriate for the topic, though it remains quite simple and repetitive in places.
Incorporate more varied, less common lexical items and collocations related to child development and education.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
You demonstrate good grammatical control with mostly error-free simple and compound sentences.
Attempt a wider range of complex sentence structures, such as conditional clauses and relative clauses, to boost your score.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Once children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than parents do. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.