Once children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than parents.
Sample Response
Children are more receptive to a new learning experience and they often learn most at school and home. Teachers play an inevitable role in intelligence development by offering them conducive learning environment. On the other hand, parents plan a pivotal role in cultivation. Nowadays, schools and teachers have adopted a contemporary way of teaching methodologies and techniques that are more effective and influential. This way of learning significantly helps in increasing intelligence level in children. They have been taught to become smart learner by introducing them various techniques such as problem-solving, logical thinking and reasoning. Furthermore, involvement in practical work dramatically increased their strength in others trait of learning. For instance, participating in educational activities with their peer group would have undeniable benefits such as teamwork, pressure handling and forming effective strategies; all these need a lot of intelligence from participants. However, parents seem to be more successful in developing social skills. This is not surprising, as many children have been seen in mimicking their parents. They do careful observations about the way their parents act and perform in certain circumstances and start doing the same in their practical lives. Moreover, children spend their maximum time with their parents that help them in learning about social behaviours. Parents substantially help them in this regard and often make the correction if something went wrong against social ethics. To sum up, the role of parents and teachers is indispensable for the better development of children, teachers could make a significant contribution to their studies and parents have more influence on their social characteristics.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Complete parallel phrase Original: at school and home Suggested revision: at school and at home Why it matters: Repeat the preposition to make the two coordinated locations grammatically parallel.
- 2. Correct the collocation Original: inevitable Suggested revision: essential Why it matters: A role can be essential or important, whereas inevitable does not collocate naturally here.
- 3. Use precise term Original: intelligence Suggested revision: intellectual Why it matters: Intellectual development is the standard phrase for the growth of cognitive abilities.
- 4. Add required article Original: offering them conducive learning environment Suggested revision: offering them a conducive learning environment Why it matters: The singular countable noun environment requires an article.
- 5. Correct the verb Original: plan Suggested revision: play Why it matters: The fixed expression is play a pivotal role.
- 6. Clarify the meaning Original: in cultivation Suggested revision: in children's upbringing Why it matters: Upbringing accurately describes parents' role in raising and socialising children.
- 7. Repair noun structure Original: a contemporary way of teaching methodologies and techniques Suggested revision: contemporary teaching methods and techniques Why it matters: The original incorrectly combines way of teaching with methodologies and techniques.
- 8. Use natural phrasing Original: increasing intelligence level in children Suggested revision: increasing children's intellectual abilities Why it matters: The revision uses a natural possessive structure and a more precise plural noun.
- 9. Keep tense consistent Original: They have been taught Suggested revision: They are taught Why it matters: The present simple passive matches the paragraph's general claims about current teaching.
- 10. Fix number agreement Original: learner Suggested revision: learners Why it matters: The complement must be plural because the subject they refers to multiple children.
- 11. Correct verb pattern Original: introducing them various techniques Suggested revision: introducing various techniques to them Why it matters: Introduce takes the thing introduced as its direct object and the recipient after to.
- 12. Use concise wording Original: their peer group Suggested revision: their peers Why it matters: Peers expresses the same meaning more directly in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- at school and home at school and at home
- inevitable essential
- intelligence intellectual
- offering them conducive learning environment offering them a conducive learning environment
- plan play
- in cultivation in children's upbringing
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response offers a relevant, nuanced division between teachers' academic influence and parents' social influence, supported by generally logical examples. Its main limitation is that the overall claim about who has more influence is only indirectly resolved, while frequent collocation and grammar errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to state a direct comparative position and organize the supporting discussion into clear paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both intellectual and social development with relevant support, but its overall position on the comparative claim remains somewhat indirect.
State explicitly whether teachers have greater overall influence, then make each main idea prove that precise position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence from teachers' academic role to parents' social role is understandable, but the single-block presentation and mechanical linking weaken organization.
Separate the introduction, the two main arguments, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs with clearer topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response shows an adequate range of topic vocabulary, although frequent word-choice and collocation errors reduce precision.
Prioritize accurate common collocations, such as play a pivotal role and conduct careful observations, over ambitious but awkward phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the main ideas, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, plurals, and clause construction persist.
Edit each sentence for article use and subject-verb agreement before adding further complex structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Once children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than parents.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.