Once children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
I definitely agree with the statement that once children get admission to school, teachers have more impact on them than even their parents. In the following paragraphs, I intend to put forth my arguments in support of my view.
To begin with, children spend quality time with teachers. Although they spend more time with parents at home this time is not as productive as the small amount of time spent with teachers. We all know that parents are busy with their work most of the time and even if children are around, they hardly pay any attention to them. Teachers, on the other hand, are in school for the students. All the time they are either teaching the students or guiding them in extra-curricular activities. They keep children focussed on study and as a result have more intellectual impact on them.
What is more, teachers are role models for students. They are scholars in action. They not only influence intellectually but socially. Students inadvertently follow their teachers’ behavior too. They observe how the teacher walks, talks, and tackles difficult situations. At home, they have parents to guide them socially, but it is seen that in nuclear families, parents hardly find time for this. Whatever social skills children learn are from TV or other activities they do at home.
Teachers also guide students for their future careers. Students follow teachers more than parents because they feel that teachers are more aware of the world around them and they have a better capability of guiding them. So, they depend on teachers more than parents.
To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, once the schooling starts, teachers and parents both have influence but teachers influence children more.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: get admission to school Suggested revision: start school Why it matters: The proposed phrase is the natural way to describe beginning formal education.
- 2. Complete the comparison Original: more impact on them than even their parents Suggested revision: a greater impact on them than their parents do Why it matters: The comparative structure needs an article and a verb to compare the two sources of influence clearly.
- 3. Use concise wording Original: put forth my arguments Suggested revision: present my arguments Why it matters: This revision expresses the same idea more directly in an academic register.
- 4. Separate the clauses Original: at home this time Suggested revision: at home, this time Why it matters: A comma is needed to separate the introductory dependent clause from the main clause.
- 5. Choose precise wording Original: the small amount of time Suggested revision: the limited time Why it matters: Limited describes a short period more naturally than small amount.
- 6. Remove wordiness Original: busy with their work most of the time Suggested revision: busy with work most of the time Why it matters: The possessive adds no useful meaning in this general statement.
- 7. Clarify the reference Original: even if children are around Suggested revision: even when their children are around Why it matters: When fits a recurring situation, and the possessive makes the relationship clear.
- 8. State the role clearly Original: are in school for the students Suggested revision: are at school to support the students Why it matters: The revision makes the intended purpose of teachers' presence explicit.
- 9. Improve sentence flow Original: All the time they are either Suggested revision: They spend their time either Why it matters: This ordering links the time reference more smoothly to the two activities.
- 10. Use the fixed phrase Original: focussed on study Suggested revision: focused on their studies Why it matters: Focused on their studies is the natural collocation in this context.
- 11. Add the article Original: more intellectual impact Suggested revision: a greater intellectual impact Why it matters: The singular countable noun needs an article, and greater forms the comparison naturally.
- 12. Choose a precise verb Original: follow Suggested revision: imitate Why it matters: Imitate more precisely conveys copying another person's behaviour.
Suggested Rewrites
- get admission to school start school
- more impact on them than even their parents a greater impact on them than their parents do
- put forth my arguments present my arguments
- at home this time at home, this time
- the small amount of time the limited time
- busy with their work most of the time busy with work most of the time
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear position and offers a logical set of reasons for teachers’ stronger influence, with generally understandable progression throughout. Its main limitation is that several claims about parents are sweeping and the supporting analysis remains fairly general, while some phrasing is unnatural. The highest priority is to develop each argument with more balanced, specific reasoning or examples and express comparisons in more precise, idiomatic language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement position is supported by several relevant reasons, though development is general and sometimes overgeneralized.
Support each reason with a specific, balanced example that explains exactly how teachers’ influence exceeds that of parents.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a logical paragraph structure, but some transitions are mechanical and the career paragraph is underdeveloped.
Give each body paragraph a fully developed central idea and use referencing to connect sentences more smoothly.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate and sometimes varied, but several collocations such as ‘get admission to school’ and ‘guide students for their future careers’ are unnatural.
Use more precise, idiomatic collocations for schooling, parental involvement, and career guidance.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates meaning clearly despite recurring punctuation and construction errors.
Review clause boundaries, comma use, and comparative sentence structures to improve grammatical control.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Once children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.