Some people think the teacher has greater influence than parents in the development of child 's intelligence and social skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Sample Response
There is too much debate about whether teachers or parents influence child development socially and mentally. While I agree with the idea that teachers play an indispensable role in child development, I believe that parents have a greater impact on children growing up too.
On one hand, teachers are the backbone of the education system. By this I mean that, in most countries children begin to attend school from 5 years old and from this point they emerge from the small family and join the whole society and being part of it, with the presence of professional teacher this could be a huge development in term of social skills such as teamwork and sharing activities. Moreover, through different classes in mathematics and science, for instance, children can learn how to solve a complex problem in a short time and this is the most important thing for brain development and intelligence. For illustration, it has been calculated that nearly 30% of the whole brain development takes place at this stage of our life.
On the other hand, parents and particularly mothers, as the child stays most of their time with them, play an important constituent in the growth of the child mentality. As a matter of fact, the preschool stage is a crucial stage and children obtain and store vast amounts of information. Hence, in this period children create their own environment and personality. For instance, children copy their parents in their language and how they interact with each other. Moreover, families can boost their children inelegant and cognitive skills through video games, play, interactive discussion, advice etc. As a result, the crucial role of family is not forgettable.
To conclude, as we have seen. There is no easy answer to this question. However, I tend to believe that both parents and teachers influence children social skills and mental development.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use an academic collocation Original: too much debate Suggested revision: considerable debate Why it matters: “Considerable debate” is a more natural formal expression for substantial disagreement.
- 2. Form the possessive phrase Original: influence child development socially and mentally Suggested revision: influence children’s social and intellectual development Why it matters: The revised noun phrase expresses whose development is affected and names both dimensions naturally.
- 3. Clarify the comparison Original: a greater impact on children growing up too Suggested revision: an even greater impact as children grow Why it matters: The revision places the comparative emphasis clearly and removes the awkward final “too.”
- 4. Complete the paired phrase Original: On one hand Suggested revision: On the one hand Why it matters: The fixed contrast pair is “on the one hand ... on the other hand.”
- 5. Use a concise example phrase Original: different classes in mathematics and science Suggested revision: classes in subjects such as mathematics and science Why it matters: This identifies mathematics and science clearly as examples of school subjects.
- 6. Avoid an absolute claim Original: this is the most important thing Suggested revision: this is important Why it matters: The revised wording preserves the claim without using an unsupported superlative.
- 7. Use a natural transition Original: illustration Suggested revision: example Why it matters: “For example” is the standard transition for introducing an illustration.
- 8. Use the appropriate research verb Original: calculated Suggested revision: estimated Why it matters: A proportion of development is normally described as an estimate rather than an exact calculation.
- 9. Use a natural modifier Original: the whole brain development Suggested revision: overall brain development Why it matters: “Overall” correctly modifies the general process of brain development.
- 10. Use the general form Original: at this stage of our life Suggested revision: during this stage of life Why it matters: The uncountable phrase “stage of life” is appropriate for a general developmental period.
- 11. Remove repeated wording Original: the preschool stage is a crucial stage Suggested revision: the preschool years are crucial Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating “stage” and states the point more concisely.
- 12. Use precise learning verbs Original: obtain and store Suggested revision: absorb and retain Why it matters: These verbs describe acquiring and remembering information more naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- too much debate considerable debate
- influence child development socially and mentally influence children’s social and intellectual development
- a greater impact on children growing up too an even greater impact as children grow
- On one hand On the one hand
- different classes in mathematics and science classes in subjects such as mathematics and science
- this is the most important thing this is important
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay considers relevant contributions from both teachers and parents and addresses social as well as intellectual development. Its main weakness is an inconsistent position: the introduction gives parents greater influence, whereas the conclusion retreats to saying both sides matter, and frequent language errors sometimes strain clarity. The highest-priority improvement is to state one precise degree of agreement and make every paragraph support that judgement through controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Relevant arguments are presented for both influences, but the response does not maintain a consistent answer to the extent question.
Choose and sustain a clear comparative judgement, then explain why one influence is greater or why they are equal.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear contrast structure and recognisable progression, though several ideas within paragraphs are joined awkwardly.
Use shorter topic-led sentences and connect each example directly to intelligence or social skills.
Lexical Resource
There is some range of education and development vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Use accurate phrases such as cognitive development, intellectual skills, professional teachers, and an important influence.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, possessives, pronouns, and clause boundaries affect readability.
Break long sentences into complete clauses and check each noun phrase for articles and possessive forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think the teacher has greater influence than parents in the development of child 's intelligence and social skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.