Some people argue that it is parents’ duty to teach their children to be good members of the society. Others, however, disagree with this statement and opine that children should learn this from their school and teachers should play the vital role to prepare them as ideal members of society. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
One of the most controversial issues today relates to whether the parents or teachers in the school have the responsibility to teach children to be good citizens. Therefore, we will examine both sides of the issues in this essay.
Undoubtedly, parents have an indispensable role in guiding their children when they are small to the right path towards their future lives. It is proven that children are more influenced by their parents than anyone else. They will think that what their parents do is always right, thus parents are advisable to be an excellent role model for their children. Parents, for example, could teach them the good moral values through storytelling. It is not only will benefit the individuals themselves but a society as well.
Nevertheless, teachers should do their part well in school by teaching the children what are the good values. Children nowadays spend most of their daytime in school, so teachers have the most important obligation to make sure the children turn out to be a well-behaved member of society. It is encouraged that teachers should punish the students whenever they make mistakes such as fighting in school. By doing this, the students will know that fighting is a bad behaviour and they may change their way of behavioural and it can also act as a deterrent to other students. Besides, teachers can also emphasise the importance of being a good individual in terms of behaviour while teaching.
In conclusion, both parents and teachers in the school are responsible for ensuring their children to behave mannerly when they are young.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise wording Original: the parents or teachers in the school Suggested revision: parents or schoolteachers Why it matters: This phrasing names the two groups more directly and naturally.
- 2. Match the singular issue Original: issues Suggested revision: issue Why it matters: The essay discusses two sides of one central issue.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: small Suggested revision: young Why it matters: Young is the more natural adjective for referring to children's age.
- 4. Correct the prepositions Original: to the right path towards Suggested revision: onto the right path for Why it matters: Guide takes onto for a path, while for correctly links the path to their future lives.
- 5. Avoid an absolute claim Original: It is proven Suggested revision: It is widely observed Why it matters: This wording presents the generalisation without implying that definitive proof has been supplied.
- 6. Complete the comparison Original: than anyone else Suggested revision: than by anyone else Why it matters: The passive comparison needs by before the second agent.
- 7. Fix the comma splice Original: right, thus Suggested revision: right; thus, Why it matters: A semicolon correctly joins the independent clauses, and thus is followed by a comma.
- 8. Correct the construction Original: parents are advisable to be Suggested revision: parents should be Why it matters: People are advised to do something; they are not advisable to be something.
- 9. Match the plural subject Original: an excellent role model Suggested revision: excellent role models Why it matters: The plural subject parents requires the plural complement role models.
- 10. Remove the article Original: the good moral values Suggested revision: good moral values Why it matters: The general plural noun phrase does not take the definite article here.
- 11. Use precise wording Original: do their part well Suggested revision: fulfil their role Why it matters: Fulfil their role expresses the intended responsibility more precisely.
- 12. Fix indirect word order Original: the children what are the good values Suggested revision: children what good values are Why it matters: An embedded question uses statement word order rather than question word order.
Suggested Rewrites
- the parents or teachers in the school parents or schoolteachers
- issues issue
- small young
- to the right path towards onto the right path for
- It is proven It is widely observed
- than anyone else than by anyone else
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response addresses both views in a clear, easy-to-follow structure and supports each side with relevant explanation and examples. Its main limitation is that the writer’s own position emerges only in the conclusion, while recurring awkward constructions reduce precision. State the balanced opinion in the introduction and revise sentence structures and collocations for consistently natural, accurate expression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are addressed with relevant support, and a clear balanced opinion is given, although it appears only at the end.
State the personal position in the introduction and develop more precisely why the two influences should share responsibility.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through distinct paragraphs, with generally clear linking between the two sides and the conclusion.
Use referencing and linking more naturally within sentences instead of relying heavily on overt transition markers.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows sufficient range for the topic, including some effective less-common terms, but several collocations and word forms are awkward.
Prioritise natural combinations such as good values, behavioural change, and behave well, checking word class as well as meaning.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly, though grammatical errors recur in clauses, agreement, and complementation.
Edit each complex sentence for complete clause structure and accurate verb patterns, especially after ensure, advise, and not only.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people argue that it is parents’ duty to teach their children to be good members of the society. Others, however, disagree with this statement and opine that children should learn this from their school and teachers should play the vital role to prepare them as ideal members of society. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.