Very few school children learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this is a critical life skill that should be taught as part of the school curriculum. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It has been argued that a handful of pupils know about the value of money and how to use it wisely. I agree with the statement that it being a critical skill must be taught to learners as a part of their syllabus. In this way, they will not be extravagant and can be good planners.
To begin with, pupils are immature, and they do not know the worth of money. If they are taught money management skills in schools as a part of their syllabus; then, they will not become spendthrifts, and they will spend money wisely. To exemplify it, taking a tiny amount from students of their daily pockets money and depositing it in a mini bank and giving them initially after a week, can motivate them to save money and they can buy necessary items with that money. In this way, they can be good planners, and they can also build their careers as financial advisors in their later periods of life.
On the other hand, it is depreciated by others that nippers will feel a burden on their mind and they will become miser to collect more money. However, this is half true. Because the ultimate aim is teaching them to avoid spending lavishly and save for rainy days. As is ever said that a penny is earned, a penny is saved. In the future, it will help them in making a balance in their life, and they will have no need to rely on the mercy of others. Consequently, it is conducive for them.
In conclusion, in consideration of the above analysis, it is ostensible that instructing school children about managing their finances is helpful for them to turn them into wise financial advisors in their career, and they will be able to spend on things wisely and will not confront hard days in their life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: worth Suggested revision: value Why it matters: ‘The value of money’ is the standard expression in this context.
- 2. Fix clause punctuation Original: their syllabus; then, Suggested revision: their syllabus, then Why it matters: The conditional clause should be followed by a comma rather than a semicolon and another comma.
- 3. Use natural time phrase Original: in their later periods of life Suggested revision: later in life Why it matters: This is the natural concise expression for a future stage of life.
- 4. Correct reporting phrase Original: it is depreciated by others that Suggested revision: others argue that Why it matters: ‘Depreciated’ does not mean that people present an opposing argument.
- 5. Use formal vocabulary Original: nippers Suggested revision: children Why it matters: ‘Nippers’ is an informal and inappropriate term for an academic essay.
- 6. Correct the expression Original: feel a burden on their mind Suggested revision: feel mentally burdened Why it matters: The original phrase is not a natural English collocation.
- 7. Add plural noun form Original: miser Suggested revision: misers Why it matters: A plural subject requires the plural count noun ‘misers’.
- 8. Use precise qualification Original: this is half true Suggested revision: this is only partly true Why it matters: ‘Partly true’ is the natural expression for a claim that is not entirely correct.
- 9. Repair sentence opening Original: Because the ultimate aim is teaching them Suggested revision: The ultimate aim is to teach them Why it matters: Removing ‘Because’ avoids a fragment and the infinitive correctly follows ‘aim’.
- 10. Correct the idiom Original: save for rainy days Suggested revision: save for a rainy day Why it matters: The fixed idiom uses the singular phrase ‘a rainy day’.
- 11. Introduce saying clearly Original: As is ever said that Suggested revision: As the saying goes, Why it matters: This standard introductory phrase connects the proverb grammatically to the discussion.
- 12. Correct the proverb Original: a penny is earned, a penny is saved Suggested revision: a penny saved is a penny earned Why it matters: The original reverses and misconstructs the established proverb.
Suggested Rewrites
- worth value
- their syllabus; then, their syllabus, then
- in their later periods of life later in life
- it is depreciated by others that others argue that
- nippers children
- feel a burden on their mind feel mentally burdened
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear position and presents relevant reasons for teaching financial skills, with an illustrative school-saving example. Its main limitation is that several claims are loosely developed or exaggerated, while frequent awkward wording and grammatical errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each benefit through a clear cause-and-effect explanation using simpler, more accurate language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement position is supported by relevant benefits, although some claims are insufficiently developed or implausibly extended.
Develop each main benefit with a realistic explanation that directly shows why financial education belongs in the curriculum.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognizable progression and suitable paragraphing, but some connections are mechanical or logically abrupt.
Use clearer topic-sentence logic and link each supporting sentence directly to the paragraph's central claim.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and unsuitable word choices weaken precision.
Prefer natural, familiar expressions and check collocations such as pocket money, become miserly, and later life.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the main message, despite frequent errors in sentence boundaries, articles, agreement, and punctuation.
Prioritize complete sentence structures and accurate clause joining before attempting long multi-clause sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Very few school children learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this is a critical life skill that should be taught as part of the school curriculum. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.