Do you think that technological advancement has brought more harm than good? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
Sample Response
Nowadays, the advancement of technology is considered to affect people’s daily life by many factors. I believe the existence of technological advances cause both advantages and disadvantages.
The technological advancement can make people to depend on it. It helps people in working or to communicate with others. For example, people will certainly bring their mobile phones whenever they go to call and text or work with others. By bringing their gadget or other electronic devices, people do not need to stay at their work place with their partner to work instead they can work using their electronic devices. Electronic devices help people with their job more easily and conveniently.
On the other hand, it may bring harm to people if they use electronic devices too often and really depends on it. Firstly, many children spends most of their time on using a mobile phone to play video games which spoil their eyes, in result, many of them use spectacles at a young age. Secondly, people who get used with electronic devices will be lazy and constantly making use of their phone in every purpose. For instance, they would prefer to use their electronic devices to communicate rather than meet face-to-face. Electronic devices could make a bad habit for people if they misuse it.
In conclusion, despite the development of technology provides us convenience in working, it causes more harm than the benefit. People will end up in getting lazy and spoil their eyes at a young age due to engage electronic devices in their daily life inevitably.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural possessive refers to the lives of multiple people.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: by many factors Suggested revision: in many ways Why it matters: The sentence describes modes of influence rather than causal factors.
- 3. Fix subject agreement Original: cause Suggested revision: causes Why it matters: The singular head noun “existence” requires “causes.”
- 4. Remove article Original: The technological advancement Suggested revision: Technological advancement Why it matters: The general abstract concept does not take “the” here.
- 5. Fix verb pattern Original: helps people in working Suggested revision: helps people work Why it matters: “Help” is naturally followed by an object and a bare infinitive.
- 6. Keep verbs parallel Original: or to communicate Suggested revision: or communicate Why it matters: The coordinated verbs should use the same grammatical form.
- 7. Choose place word Original: whenever Suggested revision: wherever Why it matters: “Wherever” refers to any place, while “whenever” refers to time.
- 8. Use plural noun Original: gadget Suggested revision: gadgets Why it matters: The plural subject “people” calls for a general plural noun here.
- 9. Fix causal structure Original: due to engage electronic devices Suggested revision: because they engage with electronic devices Why it matters: The causal clause needs a subject and a finite verb, and “engage” takes “with.”
- 10. Use natural structure Original: help people with their job Suggested revision: help people do their jobs Why it matters: This structure directly expresses that devices assist people in performing work.
- 11. Fix agreement and reference Original: really depends on it Suggested revision: really depend on them Why it matters: The plural subject “they” requires “depend,” and “them” clearly refers to devices.
- 12. Fix subject agreement Original: spends Suggested revision: spend Why it matters: The plural subject “children” requires the base verb “spend.”
Suggested Rewrites
- life lives
- by many factors in many ways
- cause causes
- The technological advancement Technological advancement
- helps people in working helps people work
- or to communicate or communicate
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response has a clear basic structure and gives relevant examples of convenience and harm, with the conclusion eventually stating that harm outweighs benefit. However, the position is less clear in the introduction, ideas remain rather general, and frequent grammar and collocation errors weaken precision. Prioritise establishing the comparative opinion from the outset and developing each reason through a clearer cause-and-effect explanation in more accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the question with relevant advantages and harms, but its comparative position emerges late and the supporting ideas are only moderately developed.
State clearly in the introduction why the harms outweigh the benefits, then extend each reason with a specific causal explanation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure provides broadly clear progression, although links are sometimes mechanical and ideas within sentences are repetitive or loosely connected.
Use clearer topic sentences and connect each example directly to the paragraph's main claim without repeating references to electronic devices.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient to discuss the topic, but recurring inaccurate collocations and word choices such as descriptions of dependence and eye damage limit precision.
Build control of natural technology-related collocations and check that each verb and preposition fits its intended meaning.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex forms is attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, verb patterns, and clause construction reduce accuracy.
Prioritise accurate subject-verb agreement and verb patterns before combining ideas into longer complex sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Do you think that technological advancement has brought more harm than good? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.